If you want to keep people beyond arm’s length, sounding phony can do better than flatulence. Just the wrong words can widen the radius around a speaker instantly. Why do you think college professors kept repeating “heuristic” all those years? The upper crust of the educational elite goes out of its way rousing that “get-it-offa-me” sensation with the lingo they choose. Keeping Joe Six-Pack creeped-out and hostile is one way egg-heads dodge scrutiny. Vocabulary that works like a cheese grate on ears is a screening tactic Tacitus himself never thought up.

“Equity” has taken over where “heuristic” left off in the academic posing department. It’s first in the newspeak lexicon of affectation for those who want in to dorms of the major leagues. High school seniors aiming very high better find a way to work the word into their prose, frequently. The demands of collegiate cliques are as rigid as any other peer group’s standards of conformity. The board of regent’s grasp of irony is slipperier than Alanis Morissette’s.

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