Egad! What a geek!

WASHINGTON (The Borowitz Report)—James Comey, the embattled director of the Federal Bureau of Investigation, presided over a special ceremony on Friday evening to commend the brave F.B.I. agents who had to touch Anthony Weiner’s computer.

In awarding the commendations to the agents, whom Comey called “the bravest men and women this country has to offer,” the F.B.I. director criticized the political uproar that he said had overshadowed “their selfless acts of heroism.”

“These agents have performed far and beyond the call of duty,” a visibly angry Comey said. “I know we’re eleven days away from an election and tensions are running high, but we shouldn’t let that subtract in any way from what these brave agents did with their own hands.”

“Who among us could look at ourselves in the mirror and say, ‘I have what it takes to touch Anthony Weiner’s computer’?” Comey asked. “I know I sure as hell couldn’t.”

Harland Dorrinson, one of the agents who received the official commendation, acknowledged that touching Weiner’s computer was “the toughest mission I’ve been on” since signing up with the F.B.I. “I spent two weeks undercover in El Chapo’s drug cartel, and this was much scarier,” he said.

Poster Comment:

Touching Weener's computer? I wonder if it was sanitized after he spouted sticky stuff all over the keyboard.

These Democrats are really something, aren't they? It wasn't too long ago that this pencil-necked imbecile was strutting about Congress ripping the Republicrats a new one. Republicrats, by and large, were amazed at their friend berating them.

Harland Dorrinson the brave agent, couldn't help but take a selfie of his 'package' and sending it via Weener's computer to Huma, Hillary and Scarlett Johannsen.