Did you ever imagine that you would see the day when police are being called out to protect trucks that are unloading shipments of toilet paper?  Well, in California this is actually happening.  At the Costco in Santa Maria, California police were seen guarding a truck as it unloaded a shipment of toilet paper on Saturday.

Thanks to the tremendous fear that the coronavirus pandemic is creating, toilet paper has become one of the hottest commodities in America all of a sudden.  Many retailers have already started to limit the amount of toilet paper that each customer can purchase, and shortages are becoming increasingly common.

So what should you do if you run out of toilet paper and can’t get anymore?

Well, apparently some people in Oregon have been calling 9-1-1 to voice their concerns.  The Newport Oregon Police Department posted the following message on their Facebook page two days ago…

It’s hard to believe that we even have to post this. Do not call 9-1-1 just because you ran out of toilet paper. You will survive without our assistance.

In fact, history offers many other options for you in your time of need if you cannot find a roll of your favorite soft, ultra plush two-ply citrus scented tissue.

Seamen used old rope and anchor lines soaked in salt water. Ancient Romans used a sea sponge on a stick, also soaked in salt water. We are a coastal town. We have an abundance of salt water available. Sea shells were also used.

Mayans used corn cobs. Colonial Americans also used the core of the cob. Farmers not only used corn cobs, but used pages from the Farmers Almanac. Many Americans took advantage of the numerous pages torn from free catalogs such as Sears and Roebuck. The Sears Christmas catalog, four times thicker than the normal catalog, could get a family of three wiped clean from December through Valentine’s Day; or Saint Patrick’s Day if they were frugal.

Then, of course, there are always alternatives to toilet paper. Grocery receipts, newspaper, cloth rags, lace, cotton balls, and that empty toilet paper roll sitting on the holder right now. Plus, there are a variety of leaves you can safely use. Mother Earth News magazine will even tell you how to make your own wipes using fifteen different leaves. When all else fails, you have magazine pages. Start saving those catalogs you get in the mail that you usually toss into the recycle bin. Be resourceful. Be patient. There is a TP shortage. This too shall pass. Just don’t call 9-1-1. We cannot bring you toilet paper.

I am glad that they approached this “crisis” with a sense of humor, but the reality of the matter is that this is starting to become a full-blown national problem.