Liberty's Flame

'I'm Still Sharp As A Tack,' Insists Mueller Moments Before Taking Phone Call On A Banana

Source:	Babylon Bee
Published:	Jul 25, 2019
Author:	Babylon Bee
Post Date:	2019-07-25 09:48:49 by nolu chan
Views:	5364

'I'm Still Sharp As A Tack,' Insists Mueller Moments Before Taking Phone Call On A Banana

Babylon Bee
July 24th, 2019

WASHINGTON, D.C.—Robert Mueller was being criticized for seemingly answering questions slowly, not recalling key details of his investigation, and appearing to be confused throughout his testimony Wednesday.

After a brief recess, Mueller insisted he was entirely lucid.

"I hear a few murmurs out there that I've lost it," he said. "Well, I haven't lost it. I've still got it. In fact, I'm still sharp as a tack."

Before testimony could resume, however, Mueller interrupted the proceedings, appearing to reach for his cell phone. "I really have to take this," he said apologetically as he reached into his pocket and pulled out a banana. "Yeah, go for Bob."

Mueller proceeded to have what appeared to be a five-minute conversation on the fruit as bewildered congresspeople looked on. "Well, tell them I don't want to be there this Friday. Matlock's on, you know that. You know I don't go out when Matlock is on." He shrugged apologetically at those in the room, mouthing "sorry."

"Look, if the consulate has a problem with that, tell them they can call me themselves," he concluded, slamming the banana back down on the table.

At publishing time, Mueller was seen giving clear, concise, lucid testimony to a soap dispenser in the restroom.

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#1: nolu chan To: All (#0)

https://twitter.com/RealSaavedra/status/1154020346078478336

Ryan Saavedra
@Reals.Saavedra
Rep. John Ratcliffe (R-TX): "Can you give me
an example other than Donald Trump where
the Justice Department determined that an
investigated person was not exonerated
because their innocence was not conclusively
determined?"
Robert Mueller: "I cannot."

nolu chan posted on 2019-07-25 09:49:22 Reply Private Reply

#2: nolu chan To: All (#0)

https://www.breitbart.com/politics/2019/07/24/matt-gaetz-grills-robert-mueller-on-why-steele-dossier-was-beyond-his-purview/

Matt Gaetz Grills Robert Mueller on Why Steele Dossier Was ‘Beyond’ His ‘Purview’
By Sean Moran
Breitbart
24 Jul 2019
[Excerpt]
Gaetz asked, “Director Mueller, can you state with confidence that the Steele dossier was not part of Russia’s disinformation campaign?”
Mueller said the Steele dossier “predated me by at least ten months.”
The Florida conservative countered by noting, “Paul Manafort’s alleged crimes regarding tax evasion predated and you had no problems charging them, and in a matter of fact, this Steel Dossier predated the attorney general, and he did not have any problem answering the question when Sen. Cornyn asked the attorney general the exact same question I asked you, director.”
The dossier, compiled by former British spy Steele, detailed Trump’s alleged ties to Russia and included an incredible accusation that Russian intelligence officials had a “pee tape” with which they could blackmail the president.
The Florida congressman noted Attorney General William Barr recently said it is not “entirely speculative” whether the Steele dossier was Russian disinformation.
Congressman Gaetz asked Steele if there was evidence of a conspiracy between Trump and the Russians or did he just “make it all up” and lied to the FBI.
Mueller said this question was “beyond my purview.”

nolu chan posted on 2019-07-25 09:50:02 Reply Private Reply

#3: nolu chan To: All (#0)

https://twitter.com/MMFlint

Michael Moore
@MMFlint
A frail old man, unable to remember things, stumbling, refusing to answer basic questions...I said it in 2017 and Mueller confirmed it today — All you pundits and moderates and lame Dems who told the public to put their faith in the esteemed Robert Mueller — just STFU from now on
11:31 AM - Jul 24, 2019

nolu chan posted on 2019-07-25 09:50:31 Reply Private Reply

#4: nolu chan To: All (#0)

At the wake: