New Progressive Bible Highlighter Set Just 5 Shades Of Whiteout
NASHVILLE, TN—Thomas Nelson Publishers will debut a new Bible highlighter set designed especially for progressive believers, consisting only of pens in 5 different shades of whiteout, sources confirmed.
According to company spokesperson Dak Stevenson, the new set will give progressives even more options for rubbing out Biblical texts that don’t agree with their personal belief system. “We want to give progressive Bible readers many options, from lighter shades of correction fluid for erasing problematic Scripture passages, to heavier shades for completely eliminating sections that are clearly heretical to a modern understanding of God’s heart,” Stevenson told sources.
“No longer do you just have to scream at the sky when the Scriptures don’t affirm your preconceived viewpoints,” he added. The publishers also announced a Premium Progressive highlighter set which will include a set of scissors, for cutting out entire books or Testaments of the Bible.
Should the new product do well in the progressive market, Thomas Nelson reportedly plans to release sets for other worldviews as well, including American exceptionalism, various cults, and a whole line for people of different eschatological persuasions.
#1: nolu chan To: redleghunter (#0)
nolu chan posted on 2018-08-23 15:48:35 Reply Private Reply
#2: redleghunter To: nolu chan (#1)
redleghunter posted on 2018-08-24 16:05:44 Reply Private Reply
#3: Liberator To: nolu chan, redleghunter (#1)
HA..."suggestions" at that.
"Commandments, Schlamandments!! But...but...who is God to make any law?? HEY! Isn't he some kind of privileged old dead white guy in a beard making all these unreasonable demands? And...and...why so many Commandments?? That's UNFAIR."
"Look...I'm a good person. I know I'm going to Heaven. I didn't kill anybody...and I wuz nice. I fed my dog and petted him. I donated to United Way and NARAL. I supported Gay Marriage because in Leviticus, God is REALLY mean. Come to think of it. God is a meanie -- especially when he drowned everyone.
SOOOOO....The new Nelson Bible is convenient. Now I'll simply white-out all those annoying 'Abominations'. Because if *I* don't like a law or rule OR Commandment, it simply doesn't exist."
Liberator posted on 2018-08-24 16:21:19 Reply Private Reply