My Catholic Kid is Gay! Now What??

Source: https://www.catholiceducation.org/en/marriage-and-family/parenting/my-catholic-kid-is-gay-now-what.html
Published: Jan 18, 2018
Author: DAWN WILDE
Post Date: 2018-01-18 09:04:56 by A K A Stone
Views: 6722

In a previous article, I detailed my ongoing struggle with same-sex attraction (SSA) as I live out my vocation as a Catholic wife and mother. From that perspective, I'd like to share what I think is an authentically loving response to what strikes fear into the hearts of most faithful Catholic parents: your son or daughter coming out as a gay man or lesbian.

As someone who knows this struggle intimately, I've thought a great deal about how I would respond to such an admission by my child. Obviously, I'd have a slight advantage over most Catholic mothers because I have my own SSA journey to share. But even beyond that, if my son came to me and confessed to SSA, I would:

Listen to him compassionately and let him unburden his heart without seeing me react in horror, disgust, or disappointment. Reassure him I love him unconditionally. That he has no reason to be ashamed. That we are all sinners in need of God's grace. That no cross is more disgusting or better than another. Ask if he's considered he might be called to the single life or religious life, which brings with it a deeper union with God than is usually possible in marriage and family. Offer resources about the theology of the body if he hasn't studied it and it open to it. Ask if he'd like to seek therapy with a Catholic counselor trained in dealing with SSA. Yes, these people exist and they know how to handle this cross in souls sensitively and with great compassion. As a Catholic, I believe that SSA is a disorder and just as with any disorder, I'd recommend individual counseling.* If he wants counseling, I'd offer to pay for it. And assure him I have no expectation he will emerge from the experience "cured" of his SSA. That I expect it will be a lifelong cross for him. That I will love him even if he emerges as an on-fire, flaming homosexual drag queen, even if I'm praying for that NOT to happen! If he chooses not to seek counseling, tell him the option is always there. And assure him, again and again, that I'll love him no matter what. Then, I'd drop the subject — unless he asked me to talk about it. Love him. Pray for him. Sacrifice for him. Our first priest once said, "When people tell you they're tempted to sin, you pull them close. Once they sin, you pull them closer." Unless you've experienced it, you can't imagine the self-loathing and shame that comes with SSA. So it's critically important that we as Catholic parents do everything we can to assure our children who have this cross that while we can't support them having a romantic or sexual relationship with someone of the same sex, we will always, always love them deeply as a person. Jesus loved us "even as we were sinners." Even when we're rotten to the core, He still adores us and pursues us. I'd want my son to know I still love his sense of humor, admire his cooking skills, and appreciate his kind soul — regardless of what else he does in his life. This message — that he is more than "gay" — is something he won't be hearing in the gay subculture.

The single greatest thing we must do if our child struggles with SSA is keep the relationship loving and open. If we worked hard while raising our child to ensure he understands the Church's teaching about sexuality, then more preaching will only drive a wedge between you and you'll lose the Catholic influence you could have on his life. When our children have chosen the wrong path, we need to fight their sin with prayer and sacrifice, NOT words. A person who constantly hears he's disordered will feel deep shame and avoid you, no matter how many times you follow it up with, "But I love you anyway!"

For as long as my son remained chaste, I'd encourage him to remain an active member of our faith. The only reason I've been able to maintain a loving, fruitful marriage despite SSA is because of God's grace. There is no greater weapon in the battle for chastity — for gay or straight people — than the Eucharist and Confession.

Poster Comment:

Should have taken him to a real church.

Post Comment   Private Reply

#1: IbJensen    To: A K A Stone (#0)

My Catholic Kid is Gay! Now What??

Call upon a traditional Catholic priest to perform an exorcism.

IbJensen posted on 2018-01-18 09:07:16   Reply   Private Reply

#2: misterwhite    To: A K A Stone (#0)

My Catholic Kid is Gay! Now What??

Well, if by "gay" you mean your kid is attracted to those of the same sex, then the advice is no different than if he were straight -- proper public behavior, no drugs, and wait until you're married before sex.

But if by "gay" you mean your kid wants to do drugs, have unprotected sex with a different stranger every week, hang out at public parks and restrooms looking for sex, make everything in life about his sexuality and his sexual desires ... well, that's different.

In that case, he's not gay. He's a selfish, dangerous hedonist who will never be happy. He needs therapy.

misterwhite posted on 2018-01-18 09:30:38   Reply   Private Reply

#3: A K A Stone    To: misterwhite (#2)

I always knew there was some good in you Mr. White

A K A Stone posted on 2018-01-18 09:32:56   Reply   Private Reply

#4: misterwhite    To: A K A Stone (#3)

No different than if he said he was attracted to young children. As long as he doesn't engage in harmful behavior, there's no reason to shun him.

We all have our crosses to bear. If you're an alcoholic, for example, and don't drink anymore, you're still an alcoholic. If you're not drinking and harming people, who cares?

misterwhite posted on 2018-01-18 09:48:41   Reply   Private Reply

#5: sneakypete    To: A K A Stone (#0)

My Catholic Kid is Gay! Now What??

Well,there is the traditional pot of burning oil. If you can't afford the oil,there is always drowning on hanging. Either your kid or yourself. Maybe even both.

OR......,you could just ignore what you can't change and accept him or her.

sneakypete posted on 2018-01-18 12:25:29   Reply   Private Reply

#6: sneakypete    To: IbJensen (#1)

My Catholic Kid is Gay! Now What??

Call upon a traditional Catholic priest to perform an exorcism.

Isn't that more like arranging a homosexual hookup than a cure?

BTW,there is no cure. People who are genuinely homosexual can accept it and choose to be celibate,they can slow-motion torment their families by trying to fake it by marrying and having kids,or just be who they are. It's the luck/bad luck of the genetic draw.

sneakypete posted on 2018-01-18 12:29:08   Reply   Private Reply

#7: sneakypete    To: misterwhite (#2)

Well, if by "gay" you mean your kid is attracted to those of the same sex, then the advice is no different than if he were straight -- proper public behavior, no drugs, and wait until you're married before sex.

How DARE you try to be rational on a LF discussion about homosexuality!

Ahma gonna report you to managemint!

sneakypete posted on 2018-01-18 12:31:07   Reply   Private Reply

#8: A K A Stone    To: sneakypete (#5)

Well,there is the traditional pot of burning oil. If you can't afford the oil,there is always drowning on hanging. Either your kid or yourself. Maybe even both.

OR......,you could just ignore what you can't change and accept him or her.

You're giving stupid advice. There is something weird about you on this issue.

So Pete is this guy a liar?

Why is he wrong?

Don't use your emotinns I know you get emotional on this issue.

A K A Stone posted on 2018-01-18 12:55:15   Reply   Private Reply

#9: A K A Stone    To: sneakypete (#6)

https://www.google.com/search? q=former+homosexual&rlz=1C1CHBF_enUS710US710&oq=former+homosexual&aqs=chrome.. 69i57j0l5.2535j0j7&sourceid=chrome&ie=UTF-8

I know you will ignore the link. You like to keep your head in the sand sometimes.

A K A Stone posted on 2018-01-18 12:56:53   Reply   Private Reply

#10: sneakypete    To: A K A Stone (#8)

So Pete is this guy a liar?

He's bi-sexual.

I don't pretend to understand it,but I know it's real,and that it probably applies to most homosexuals because almost all of them claim to have had multiple different gender sex partners. I had one I used to work with tell me he just went over to the completely homosexual side because it was easier to get sex and he didn't have to do much more than show up to get laid,while when he dated women they all seemed to want him to spend his entire paycheck on them for a handjob.

If you ask most homosexual men if they ever had sex with a woman,they will say yes.

If you ask most heterosexual men if they have ever had sex with men,they will say no because they are only sexually attracted to females.

It's not all that hard to figure out.

sneakypete posted on 2018-01-18 13:16:22   Reply   Private Reply

#11: sneakypete    To: A K A Stone (#9)

I know you will ignore the link.

Of course I will. There is no such critter as a "former homosexual". They are bi-sexuals who just choose to not have same-gender sexual encounters anymore.

I am guessing most claim to be "cured" of homosexuality because that makes it much easier for them to be accepted.

sneakypete posted on 2018-01-18 13:18:39   Reply   Private Reply

#12: Fred Mertz    To: sneakypete (#10)

It's not all that hard to figure out.

A K A Pebbles hasn't figured it out yet.

Fred Mertz posted on 2018-01-18 13:19:09   Reply   Private Reply

#13: jeremiad    To: A K A Stone (#0)

I have a theory that it is nearly impossible to be forgiven as a proud homosexual and the key to this is PROUDLY proclaiming themselves to be gay. To unabashedly be "proud and out". People like this cannot ask for forgiveness for their sexual behavior, because they see it as "who they are". How can a person who is proud of what the Bible condemns as sinful, come to a point that they will renounce that behavior and turn from it? I would say, it is nigh on impossible. THAT is what you are protecting your child from when they come out as a homosexual.

jeremiad posted on 2018-01-18 17:30:31   Reply   Private Reply

#14: A K A Stone    To: sneakypete (#11)

There is something very weird about your comment. There is obviously something in your past that went wrong. Very strange comment indeed.

A K A Stone posted on 2018-01-18 17:35:35   Reply   Private Reply

#15: sneakypete    To: A K A Stone (#14)

There is something very weird about your comment.

Maybe you're just not used to seeing the truth?

sneakypete posted on 2018-01-18 17:53:37   Reply   Private Reply

#16: A K A Stone    To: sneakypete (#15)

Maybe you're just not used to seeing the truth?

Oh I know the truth. I'm just trying not to call you sneakycloset.

A K A Stone posted on 2018-01-18 17:55:06   Reply   Private Reply

#17: IbJensen    To: sneakypete (#6)

People who are genuinely homosexual can accept it and choose to be celibate

And stay away from the so-called 'popular' media.

IbJensen posted on 2018-01-18 18:41:53   Reply   Private Reply

#18: GrandIsland    To: A K A Stone (#16)

Stinky is either Bi... and fights it, or has a close relative (like a son) who plays the skin flute.

GrandIsland posted on 2018-01-18 20:07:47   Reply   Private Reply

#19: buckeroo    To: GrandIsland (#18)

Stinky is either Bi... and fights it, or has a close relative (like a son) who plays the skin flute.

Just like a closet homo, you are projecting your tendencies upon others.

buckeroo posted on 2018-01-18 20:42:11   Reply   Private Reply

#20: GrandIsland    To: buckeroo (#19)

Just like a closet homo, you are projecting your tendencies upon others.

Just like a gay goo gobbler, you feel you must fight another faggots battles.

GrandIsland posted on 2018-01-18 21:28:11   Reply   Private Reply

#21: buckeroo    To: GrandIsland, sneakypete (#20)

I have known sneakypete for about twenty years on the Internet through several chit-chat forums, under different management rules and policies. I have never seen him suggest himself being a homosexual or advocating the practice homosexuality; in fact, he has said otherwise.

It is YOU making all this fake homo stuff about pete.

Now, as I recall, your pal, tater and you liked yukon. Don't you see something wrong with all your posting?

buckeroo posted on 2018-01-18 21:50:19   Reply   Private Reply

#22: Fred Mertz    To: GrandIsland (#20)

You're as bad as Pebbles, always talking gay stuff. I think you both are closeted homosexuals.

You should go to a gay bar and explore your inner selves.

Fred Mertz posted on 2018-01-18 21:55:36   Reply   Private Reply

#23: buckeroo    To: Fred Mertz, GrandIsland (#22)

I think there is a picture of a gay cop representing GrandIsland on the Internet that should be posted. I can't do it, at the moment.

buckeroo posted on 2018-01-18 22:21:06   Reply   Private Reply

#24: Fred Mertz    To: buckeroo (#23)

Fred Mertz posted on 2018-01-18 22:28:38   Reply   Private Reply

#25: buckeroo    To: Fred Mertz, GrandIsland (#24)

Perfect for the GI guy.

buckeroo posted on 2018-01-18 22:30:56   Reply   Private Reply

#26: GrandIsland    To: Fred Mertz (#24)

Only a sphincter slurping salami skinner would even know where to find a picture like that.

GrandIsland posted on 2018-01-18 22:42:37   Reply   Private Reply

#27: GrandIsland    To: buckeroo (#21)

I have known sneakypete for about twenty years

During those 20 years, how many times did you call Peter Puff... and he answered the boner phone?

GrandIsland posted on 2018-01-18 22:45:05   Reply   Private Reply

#28: buckeroo    To: GrandIsland, Fred Mertz (#26)

The picture is merely a single representation of yourself based on perceived agreement of your homo concerns.

You are a fuckin' closet case.

buckeroo posted on 2018-01-18 22:46:07   Reply   Private Reply

#29: GrandIsland    To: buckeroo (#28)

That jpg has nothing to do with me, you bologna choker.

GrandIsland posted on 2018-01-18 22:49:49   Reply   Private Reply

#30: buckeroo    To: GrandIsland, sneakypete (#27)

You have a serious issue about being poster within this chit-chat channel framework. Your advance of a perceived idea lays the groundwork of and about yourself, that is to saye, you got a problem that can not be solved by anyone but yourself.

You are a phuckin' lamer. In fact, because of your preconceived ideas, you are a liar, a thief and a cheat because of repeated, non-substantiated posts.

buckeroo posted on 2018-01-18 22:53:25   Reply   Private Reply

#31: buckeroo    To: GrandIsland (#29)

It looks like you. You are a phuckin' queer.

buckeroo posted on 2018-01-18 22:54:21   Reply   Private Reply

#32: GrandIsland    To: buckeroo (#31)

Wipe that shit off your chin, Bucky. You lost tonight.

Tyme to retire from the chit chat channel for today.

GrandIsland posted on 2018-01-18 23:12:32   Reply   Private Reply

#33: buckeroo    To: GrandIsland (#32)

You are always on gay threads based on your own postings, GI. Don't you see a problem with your own personal interest?

buckeroo posted on 2018-01-18 23:17:01   Reply   Private Reply

#34: Hondo68    To: Fred Mertz, Mz GI, unholy matrimony (#24)

From the new Mz. GI honeymoon photo album?

Hondo68 posted on 2018-01-18 23:32:17   Reply   Private Reply

#35: IbJensen    To: sneakypete (#6)

I said Traditional Catholic priest. Contrary to some uninformed folk, a homosexual is an acquired taste, usually delved in when one is young and the thrill of orgasm, no matter from what source, is satisfying.

IbJensen posted on 2018-01-19 08:47:11   Reply   Private Reply

#36: sneakypete    To: GrandIsland (#18)

Stinky is either Bi... and fights it, or has a close relative (like a son) who plays the skin flute.

ROFLMAO!

Projection,Fire Island?

Since homosexuality doesn't bother me as long as homosexuals don't bother me,WHY would I try to hide it if I were one?

All my life I have noticed that those that shriek the loudest about anything have the most to hide.

sneakypete posted on 2018-01-19 09:36:15   Reply   Private Reply

#37: sneakypete    To: GrandIsland (#26)

Only a sphincter slurping salami skinner would even know where to find a picture like that.

Upset because they posted a photo of you without your permission,Princess?

sneakypete posted on 2018-01-19 09:38:15   Reply   Private Reply

#38: sneakypete    To: IbJensen (#35)

Contrary to some uninformed folk, a homosexual is an acquired taste, usually delved in when one is young and the thrill of orgasm, no matter from what source, is satisfying.

HorseHillary! If you think that,you are bi-sexual. There is not a heterosexual in the world that has given personal homosexual sex acts a single thought.

sneakypete posted on 2018-01-19 09:41:55   Reply   Private Reply

#39: A K A Stone    To: IbJensen (#35)

Pete is an expert on bisexuals. Because he is in the closet.

Sneakyclosetpeter is an ok guy except for his gay perverted ideas.

Whenever you out a queer they always call you one. That is one of the ways to confirm.

A K A Stone posted on 2018-01-19 09:53:54   Reply   Private Reply

#40: A K A Stone    To: sneakypete (#38)

There is not a heterosexual in the world that has given personal homosexual sex acts a single thought.

You are an apologist for fags and pedophiles. There is the link above that your closeted ass ignored. Then there are lots of kids that have been molested by fags like you have in your family that were scarred and turned faggot for a little while.

Peter you should stay off this topic because it gets you upset and if you want to pretend you're not one of them it blows your cover.

We don't care which way you swing Pete. Just don't lie to us and tell us you were born that way. Because there is no such thing as a gay gene. If there is prove it. Again your comments on this thread are quite perverted.

A K A Stone posted on 2018-01-19 09:58:29   Reply   Private Reply

#41: Fred Mertz    To: A K A Stone (#40)

I AM FRED MERTZ THE BANNED ASSHOLE.

Fred Mertz posted on 2018-01-19 10:00:23   Reply   Private Reply

#42: A K A Stone    To: Fred Mertz, sneakypete (#41)

See what happened to Fred? I wonder who is next.

A K A Stone posted on 2018-01-19 10:04:50   Reply   Private Reply

#43: IbJensen    To: Fred Mertz (#41)

How do you do, Fred Asshole?

IbJensen posted on 2018-01-19 12:07:16   Reply   Private Reply

#44: IbJensen    To: sneakypete (#38)

Are you enjoying your life wherein you get your jollies in a repulsive and sinful way?

Hell will be full of homosexuals and lesbians.

IbJensen posted on 2018-01-19 12:23:05   Reply   Private Reply

#45: Hondo68    To: IbJensen, Donalds Hell, Log Cabin Republicans (#44)

Hell will be full of homosexuals and lesbians.

I will be like a Trump rally for you, enjoy!

Hondo68 posted on 2018-01-19 12:50:54   Reply   Private Reply

#46: sneakypete    To: A K A Stone (#39)

Whenever you out a queer they always call you one. That is one of the ways to confirm.

Uhhhhhh.....

"On 2018-01-19 09:53:54, A K A Stone wrote:

To: IbJensen

Sneakyclosetpeter is an ok guy except for his gay perverted ideas.

Whenever you out a queer they always call you one. That is one of the ways to confirm."

sneakypete posted on 2018-01-19 15:52:44   Reply   Private Reply

#47: sneakypete    To: A K A Stone (#40)

Peter you should stay off this topic because it gets you upset and if you want to pretend you're not one of them it blows your cover.

I'm not even a little bit upset about it,other than the fact that I insist that Americans who are homosexual have the same rights as every other American. Equal rights is at the core of why America was created and exists.

As for me being in the closet goes,you need to think long and hard about why *I* would be in the closet about being a homosexual when I plainly say that homosexuals are Americans and have the same rights and obligations as every other American. BUT....,if it makes you feel better about yourself to accuse me of being a homo,go right ahead and do it. No skin off my nose.

sneakypete posted on 2018-01-19 15:56:51   Reply   Private Reply

#48: sneakypete    To: IbJensen (#44)

Are you enjoying your life wherein you get your jollies in a repulsive and sinful way?

Are you enjoying your life,where you get off on being repulsed while secretly thinking lustful thoughts? I bet not one homosexual in 100 thinks about homosexual sex as much as you do,or enjoys it as much as you enjoy claiming to be repulsed by it. Dominatrix's have been earning big bucks off of people like you for centuries.

Hell will be full of homosexuals and lesbians.

Will Jesus be there? Will you be flogging him with your whip while you "flog" yourself in a VERY different way? After all,did not Jesus say "Love your fellow man",and live with a dozen of them?

sneakypete posted on 2018-01-19 16:01:50   Reply   Private Reply

#49: IbJensen    To: sneakypete (#48)

You're a filthy little guttersnipe rounding up strays at the foot of Breakback Mountain.

IbJensen posted on 2018-01-20 09:26:56   Reply   Private Reply

#50: IbJensen    To: hondo68 (#45)

I will be like a Trump rally for you, enjoy!

Does what you posted make any sense to you?

IbJensen posted on 2018-01-20 09:29:40   Reply   Private Reply