Damn, Now Even Trees Are Racist! When Will It Stop?

December 19, 2017| by Brian Anderson

Racism is so insidious that it literally invades every aspect of life. This scourge has found it’s way into nature and now even trees are racist. You are probably thinking this has something to do with lynching because, in the democratic South, black people were sometimes hung to death from trees in extrajudicial killings, but that’s not even close. Apparently it’s just he trees being trees that makes them racist. Yup, those damn trees are haters and bigots.

Here’s a very real story from The Atlanta Journal Constitution about a row of trees that separate a public golf course from a black neighborhood in Palm Springs, CA:

Many longtime residents of the neighborhood [said] they believed the trees were planted for racist reasons in the 1960s, and remained a lasting remnant of the history of segregation in the city. Residents said the invasive tamarisks, which block views of the Tahquitz Creek Golf Course and San Jacinto mountains, have artificially depressed property values and prevented black families from accumulating wealth in their property over the past half century.

If a neighborhood next to a golf course is a slum it’s because the people who live there are scumbags, not because a row of trees. But hey, who really cares about dealing with reality, when there is a racist scapegoat? Even if that scapegoat happens to be some trees?

Don’t worry though, the city council is on this:

Palm Springs will remove a row of trees blocking a historically African-American neighborhood from a city-owned golf course.

At an informal meeting with neighborhood residents Sunday, Palm Springs Mayor Robert Moon, council member J.R. Roberts and other city officials promised residents they would remove the tamarisk trees and a chain link fence along the Crossley Tract property lines as soon as possible.

But here’s the best part:

…estimates the city had received for removing the trees were about $169,000.

Yes, the City of Palm Springs is going to spend almost 170 grand to get rid of racist trees. I honestly can’t think of a story that says “California” more than this. Maybe if the tree removal company they hire is run by transgender illegal aliens it could get a little more “Cali” but it’s already pretty damn crazy.

I’m sure you understand how ridiculous demands work; it’s never enough. After the city removes the racist trees, residents are demanding that they build a non-racist wall between the golf course and their neighborhood. Why are trees racist but the wall isn’t? Don’t worry about it, that’s just the way things are, yo.

BTW, the city doesn’t even have the money to take the trees down, so it’s unclear how they are going to pay for any of this. My guess is they will take some money from “unnecessary” spending like public safety or education. Racism is obviously a top priority so everything else can suck it.