Joining the ranks of sommelier-recommended milk, single-origin beef, and single-udder butter is America’s first certified-organic water, Asarasi. It bills itself as the “purest form of water in the world,” and is a product harvested from the sap of maple trees to ensure it’s “free of all impurities.” (Immediately after which, naturally, it’s force-carbonated.) Call it what you want — more evidence that the U.S. premium-water market is out of hand? — but the truly surprising fact is that market research shows nearly 25 percent of Americans now claim they’d actually choose “organic” water over normal water.
Honestly, what this really shows is that nearly 25 percent of Americans don’t understand what “organic” means, since the USDA says organic foods must come from living things — that is, contain carbon — and water is just atoms of hydrogen and oxygen. Asarasi found a loophole because its tree water is technically drained straight from a plant. This provides a very useful selling point in post-Flint America, as the company can say it’s water untainted by chemicals.
Of course, you might still wonder, “What if the water that went into the trees contained impurities?” Spoiler: It probably did. Which is why a second water company out there, Tanzamaji, has just launched a line of “prehistoric” bottled water. They come from Tanzania’s Lake Tanganyika — believed to be the world’s second-oldest and deepest lake, which makes for wonderful marketing at the very least. “The fact that it has been isolated for millions of years means it has never been exposed to pesticides,” founder Rebecca Ruefer tells the trade mag Food Navigator. “No other human has ever consumed this water.” On its website, Tanzamaji warns, “Don’t expect ordinary water or an ordinary price.” Indeed: One 12-ounce bottle will set you back $15.
#1: misterwhite To: cranky (#0)
I trust the water. I don't trust the bottling.
It's like Starbucks hiring all those third-world refugees who promptly contaminated the coffee with their feces-laden fingers.
misterwhite posted on 2017-07-08 09:07:01 Reply Private Reply
#2: buckeroo To: cranky (#0)
buckeroo posted on 2017-07-08 09:36:24 Reply Private Reply
#3: Tooconservative To: misterwhite (#1)
You are so cynical.
Tooconservative posted on 2017-07-08 11:07:09 Reply Private Reply
#4: Vicomte13 To: cranky (#0)
There were people living on the shores of Lake Tanganyika before the ice sheets melted and England emerged.
There were people living on Lake Tanganyika before a single human foot ever trod in China.
Every human alive has ancestors who lived by Lake Tanganyika.
"Isolated" MY ASS!
Vicomte13 posted on 2017-07-08 11:55:59 Reply Private Reply
#5: A Pole To: cranky (#0)
A Pole posted on 2017-07-08 12:18:44 Reply Private Reply
#6: misterwhite To: Tooconservative (#3)
Pffft! I've been to Tanzania. The wife and I became violently sick eating the local food in Zanzibar (off the coast of Tanzania).
misterwhite posted on 2017-07-08 13:15:15 Reply Private Reply
#7: cranky To: A Pole (#5)
That sounds suspiciously like h-o-h.
cranky posted on 2017-07-08 13:36:00 Reply Private Reply
#8: Tooconservative To: misterwhite (#6)
You should have stuck to the ancient water. Or hard liquor.
Tooconservative posted on 2017-07-08 13:51:27 Reply Private Reply
#9: misterwhite To: Tooconservative (#8)
Nah. We were pretty careful. But our last day there we went to a local festival where various vendors cooked their "catch-of-the-day" on the beach.
They caught something. We caught something.
misterwhite posted on 2017-07-08 13:55:38 Reply Private Reply
#10: Tooconservative To: misterwhite (#9)
Well, it is the Third World and semi-tropical to boot. Not a healthy place for white men.
If you wanted safety, you should have stuck to the States or Europe.
Tooconservative posted on 2017-07-08 13:59:11 Reply Private Reply
#11: misterwhite To: Tooconservative (#10)
Well, we didn't want to die. There's always a certain amount of risk on the kind of trips we like to take.
misterwhite posted on 2017-07-08 14:13:08 Reply Private Reply
#12: Anthem To: misterwhite (#6)
A week or so later, girlfriend insisted on buying a lb of dates from a street vendor in Mombasa. Her turn.
It's not that it's dirty. It's that the bacteria is foreign. No antibodies.
Anthem posted on 2017-07-08 23:48:19 Reply Private Reply
#13: Anthem To: A Pole (#5)
I usually prefer "neat", but I slipped some of that into my friend's drink.
Anthem posted on 2017-07-08 23:50:45 Reply Private Reply
#14: misterwhite To: Anthem (#12)
In the Serengeti I stood on the seat with the top half of my body through the roof hatch. I felt like Rommel.
misterwhite posted on 2017-07-09 11:57:40 Reply Private Reply