Los Angeles—Here in Los Angeles, illegal immigration isn’t just the talk of the town, it’s a way of life. But for some illegal immigrants, there are just some jobs they won’t actually do. That’s where liberals come in, proving there’s nothing they won’t do. And one such liberal American is Patti Cake—a 36-year old unemployed accountant. Patti used to work at Forge, Forge and Forge, LLP, but since November 7, 2008, she’s been unemployed. Now, Patti has found a new career choice, one that even a Mexican won’t do. “After I got laid off in 2008, I used up all my unemployment benefits,” declared Patti. “That’s when I got creative. Now, I give hand jobs for $20 and a double shot of espresso. I learned how to do that at the office. You want an extra dollar an hour, a little sacrifice is needed. Let’s see some illegal do that. I don’t think so.”
There’s also Lemar Shucks, a 45-year old African American that used to work at a General Motors plant. He was a former union member and a member of the NAACP. But as a liberal, he’s become far more creative. Now, he shines shoes at the corner of Broad and 35th street.
“I used to assemble the tail light units at the GM plant,” stated Shucks, “but now I’m shining shoes. There ain’t no way some Mexican, or Russian, or whatever can shine shoes better than a black man. Maybe I can’t sell watermelons like them Mexicans, but I can sure shine shoes! That cracker, Dan Rather, don’t know what he’s talking about.”
And then there’s Jack Clemmons, a 25-year old white boy that used to be employed at Blockbuster Video. “Yeah, man, I used to work at Blockbuster on Sunbeam Drive,” laments Clemmons. “But now, things have worked out. I sniff glue over at the glue factory on Talspin Street for $50 a day. Sure, some days I can’t remember my own name, but it’s worth it. Sniff that illegals! Don’t tell me there are jobs that Americans won’t do!”
Whether it’s giving hand jobs, shining shoes or sniffing glue, it’s now proven that there are no jobs liberal Americans won’t do. Yes, indeed, liberal Americans are making everyone proud to be an American.
