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Poison Watch Title: Stupid things on internet I. Latest News New Home for VMI? Excerpt from New York Times, June 27, 1996: All may not be lost for the still-defiant leaders of the Virginia Military Institute, the all-male academy operated by the state of Virginia, despite the recent Supreme Court ruling overthrowing their men-only policy. Asking not to be identified, a member of the board of trustees indicated that the board was considering accepting an offer from Satan to relocate the academy to Hell. "He told us we could keep women out, or colored folks, or any other group we damned well please," said the member. "Frankly, we like the notion." The member admitted the academy would have to change its name to the Satanic Military Institute. White House Given Files from Hell. Excerpt from Knight-Ridder news service, June 24, 1996: In a crushing blow to Bill Clinton's re-election hopes, White House officials yesterday admitted to Congress that in addition to the approximately 700 files received by White House operatives from the Federal Bureau of Investigation, there were additionally some 250 files in White House possession that had been requested and received from Satan. According to sworn testimony, the Clinton administration officials asked the Lord of Flies for all records pertaining to Republican Senators and Congressmen who had sold their souls to the devil. Satan willingly complied, sending soul-selling files that included, among others, the records for Alfonse D'amato, Mike DeWine, Trent Lott, Newt Gingrich, Strom Thurmond, Alan Simpson, Orin Hatch, Steve Stockman, and Dick Arney. Curiously, no records from Jesse Helms were found, but a spokesperson for Satan said that Mr. Helms had already sold his soul to the tobacco industry. A White House source defended the Clinton administration, claiming that the action had been an "administrative mistake, a bureaucratic error," and noted that only files up to the letter "Y" had been requested. ATT&T, Hell to Merge. Excerpt from Wire Reports, May 6, 1996: Despite warnings from the federal government of a possible anti-trust suit, communications giant ATT&T announced it would proceed with its planned merger with Hell. Said an ATT&T spokesperson, "This deal is simply too good for us to pass up. We feel that if we merge with Satan we can give our customers what they really deserve." Already industry insiders are talking about the proposed plan to make "call-waiting" sounds louder and more insistent. Hell to Sponsor Olympics. Excerpt from Press Release, April 28, 1996: A confidential source revealed today that the 2008 Summer Olympic games will take place in Hell. Satan, a long-time Olympic fan (ever since he discovered Tonya Harding), was reportedly overcome with joy at hearing the news. Satan had earlier attempted a bid for the 2006 Winter games, but was turned down when Olympic officials learned the frequency of cold days in Hell. Satan Endorses Pat Buchanan! Excerpt from Press Release, February 28, 1996: A spokesperson for Satan announced yesterday that the official candidate of Hell for the 1996 Republican nomination for president of the United States of America would be television commentator Patrick Buchanan. "Satan has decided that Pat Buchanan really is our type of person," said the spokesperson. "In fact, we've got a whole new Contract for America for him to sign." In related news, two Buchanan campaign co-chairpersons were forced to take leaves of absence from the campaign after human rights organizations published reports indicating that they were actually demons from Hell. Jackson to Build Mansion in Hell. Excerpt from Press Release, February 13, 1996: It was announced today by singer Michael Jackson that he would be building a new mansion in Hell, based on the design of Cinderella's castle in Disneyland. Initial plans were for Michael Jackson to spend three months a year living in Hell, and the other nine months on Earth, until the singer's death, at which point he would spend all his time at his residence in Hell. O.J. Simpson Tries to Renege on Contract. Excerpt from Wire Reports, January 1, 1996: Lawyers for Satan today reported a decided victory in court, as Johnny Cochrane was unable to convince a jury that his client O.J. Simpson's contract with Satan had been infringed upon. Cochrane claimed that the former football great's contract with the devil provided for victory in all court cases, while Satan's attorneys argued that the contract was only applicable to criminal and not civil trials. The jury agreed with Satan, so the judge ruled that the contract stood. Satan would not return calls, but a spokesperson said that the Lord of Flies still considered himself "very close" to O. J. Simpson. Satan to Stop Clearcutting. Excerpt from Wire Reports, December 28, 1995: Satan announced that he would no longer clearcut in Hell, citing environmental damage. "It is simply no longer an option," Satan said. However, he did indicate that he had no intention of applying for Superfund money to clean up the boiling lava pits. Post Comment Private Reply Ignore Thread Top • Page Up • Full Thread • Page Down • Bottom/Latest Begin Trace Mode for Comment # 2.
#2. To: All (#0)
On this sit I think I saw somethin about Bush worshipping Satan but maybe that's just someon trying ti diss the president. I would hate to believe our leader doesnt worship the LORD.
#3. To: master_of_disaster (#2)
Bush is a member of the satanist order "skull and bones". I head that Bush had to suck penis and sleep in a coffin in order to become a member. That might explain why Bush was having the homosexual gannon over to the white house for visits. There is also a male governor that Bush is alledged to have sex with.
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