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Humor
See other Humor Articles

Title: Nevada Church Avoids Coronavirus Restrictions By Installing Slot Machines
Source: Babylon Bee
URL Source: https://babylonbee.com/news/nevada- ... strictions-by-installing-slots
Published: Jul 26, 2020
Author: Babylon Bee
Post Date: 2020-07-27 06:57:11 by Deckard
Keywords: None
Views: 283
Comments: 8

CARSON CITY, NV—Calvary Chapel of the Desert was informed by the state that it was violating the state's strict restrictions on church gatherings. So, Pastor Chuck Carver figured out a clever way around the stringent requirements: he installed slot machines in the church, and now his church is able to do whatever it wants.

W3Schools.com

"We put up the slot machines and bam -- no more restrictions," Carver said Sunday. "The authorities dispersed, and we pretty much get to do whatever we want. What happens in Calvary Chapel stays in Calvary Chapel."

He then preached a solemn sermon in front of the blinking lights and blaring sirens from the slots. "Yeah, it looks kinda goofy," he said later. "But it's no different than when I have to preach in front of our zany VBS decorations."

"Plus, it's making up for all the lost tithing over the last few months," he added as another senior church member slipped another quarter into one of the machines. "Jackpot!"

Anyone playing the slot machines will, of course, be served complimentary grape juice and crackers. (1 image)

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#1. To: Deckard (#0) (Edited)

Nevada Church Avoids Coronavirus Restrictions By Installing Slot Machines

But will the slot machines prevent the blessed parishioners from getting the COVID-19 virus?

We shall see …

It hasn’t with the slot machines in the casinos.

At least 123 visitors to Nevada test positive for coronavirus after casinos reopen

Gatlin  posted on  2020-07-27   8:02:49 ET  Reply   Trace   Private Reply  


#2. To: Deckard, All (#0)

What does the Bible say about Is gambling A sin?

Aeh, you probably don’t know.

Le me ask Stone.

He thinks of himself as a Biblical scholar – well qualified to interpret Biblical text within its original historical context.

Gatlin  posted on  2020-07-27   8:45:53 ET  Reply   Trace   Private Reply  


#3. To: A K A Stone (#2)

Hey, Stone …

What does the Bible say about Is gambling A sin?

Gatlin  posted on  2020-07-27   8:46:38 ET  Reply   Trace   Private Reply  


#4. To: Deckard, A K A Stone, Alll (#3)

On wait –

You two never mind.

I found it …

Bible Verses About Is Gambling A Sin.

Gatlin  posted on  2020-07-27   8:47:53 ET  Reply   Trace   Private Reply  


#5. To: Gatlin (#1) (Edited)

Nevada Church Avoids Coronavirus Restrictions By Installing Slot Machines

But will the slot machines prevent the blessed parishioners from getting the COVID-19 virus?

Uh...this didn't really happen. It's called "satire" which is why it was posted under Humor.

Oh, I see why you are here, posting more of your gloom and doom cooked covid numbers

At least 123 visitors to Nevada test positive for coronavirus after casinos reopen

I can hear Gatlin wailing: "Casinos are death traps-shut them down, woe is us, it's those damn mask scofflaws that done did this"

Schmuck!

Government is in the last resort the employment of armed men, of policemen, gendarmes, soldiers, prison guards, and hangmen.
The essential feature of government is the enforcement of its decrees by beating, killing, and imprisoning.
Those who are asking for more government interference are asking ultimately for more compulsion and less freedom.

Deckard  posted on  2020-07-27   8:50:43 ET  Reply   Trace   Private Reply  


#6. To: Deckard (#5)

Uh...this didn't really happen. It's called "satire"

Whoa! Bitch slappin' ole Gatlin...that's elder abuse!

Oh, well. Carry on.

watchman  posted on  2020-07-27   14:49:06 ET  Reply   Trace   Private Reply  


#7. To: Deckard, All (#0)

Pastor: 40 infected with coronavirus after church event.

Maybe this pastor should also have installed “slot machines” – Eh, Deckard?

Gatlin  posted on  2020-07-28   4:57:47 ET  Reply   Trace   Private Reply  


#8. To: watchman (#6)

Uh...this didn't really happen. It's called "satire"

Whoa! Bitch slappin' ole Gatlin...that's elder abuse!

Well...the poor boy does seem to be a bit slow on the uptake and clinically humor impared.

W3Schools.com

Kinda reminds me of Biden. I hope Tater isn't out there sniffing little girls' hair.

Next time I'll include the word Humor in the headline and provide a disclaimer at the beginning. Check out the responses from Gattie-boy when I posted some cute photos. Oh my, did he fly into a tizzy, oh laws yes!

Still - I shouldn't have to dumb down the titles just so as not to offend or confuse the "delicate genius."

Government is in the last resort the employment of armed men, of policemen, gendarmes, soldiers, prison guards, and hangmen.
The essential feature of government is the enforcement of its decrees by beating, killing, and imprisoning.
Those who are asking for more government interference are asking ultimately for more compulsion and less freedom.

Deckard  posted on  2020-07-28   5:25:50 ET  (1 image) Reply   Trace   Private Reply  


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