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Title: If I Were In Charge
Source:
LP
URL Source: http://LP.com
Published: May 12, 2006
Author: Burkeman1
Post Date: 2006-05-12 14:24:13 by continental op
Keywords: None
Views: 7043
Comments: 3
If I were in charge it would be illegal for convenience stores to not operate seperate lines for dopes playing the lottery or getting their past month's worth of lotto quick picks checked by the computer to see if they hit it big while everyone else waits to buy their newspaper and chicklets. If I were in charge it would illegal for Bums to say "God Bless you" sarcastically when you pass them by and don't give them change. If I were in charge people who cross the street against walk signs and walk as slow as possible while doing it (young black males take extra notice here) will be incacerated for no less than one week no questions asked and treated to Rush Limbaugh style "Frat Pranks". If I were in charge cab drivers who suggest alternate traffic routes that end up being traffic nightmares must pay the passenger the meter. If I were in charge, men who linger naked in Gym locker rooms and seem to spend more time in the locker room roaming around naked than they do in the gym would have to register as sex offenders for just being weird and creeping me out. If I were in charge, cops who are found to have blasted their sirens and flashed their lights just to get through traffic that the rest of have always suspected is what they do- will be made to wear pink striped uniforms for a month while on duty. If I were in charge coffe shop jerks who top off the coffee so it splashes out the little hole on the cover no matter what you do- burning your hand and staining your clothes will be charged with assault. If I were in charge fat people eating fast food in public would be subject to hefty fines for obscenity. If I were in charge all skateboarders on public sidewalks could be body checked as hard as possible by any pedestrian at any time for any reason and they can't do anything back. If I were charge there would be dress codes for plane travel. T-shirts and sweat pants are not proper travel attire.
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#1. To: All (#0)
If I were in charge, all women would denied use of the telephone If I were in charge, all small, yapping dogs such as poodles and chi's would be processed and deleted. If I were charge, all owners of small yapping dogs who dump them on back country roads would first receive a blackjacking administered by me personally, then be dumped in one of the more rural areas of Tajikistan. If I were in charge, John Dolan would shot for impersonating the War Nerd. If I were in charge, people who stop their cars to advise me on my job when I'm working in public, will be locked in a small room with a diesel engine running at full throttle. Forever. If I were in charge, rodeo announcers who mention the words Bush and Bin Laden would be strapped on the toughest available bull for an eight-second ride. (This one is for sinkspur) If I were in charge, people who call me for counseling, and/or to cry on my shoulder will be spayed/neutered. If I were in charge, all emergency rooms will all be outfitted with gas chambers for any illegal immigrants and white trash who want to crowd them minor ailments.
Free David Irving!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Free Gotovina!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Free Eric Rudolph!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
If I were "in charge" (does that mean I've absolute dictatorial power and the guns to back me up?) I would move Tax day from April 15 to Dec 25th so that people get a better sense of what they are rendering to Caesar. If I were in charge I would make Daylight Saving Time a full 24 hrs ahead just to fuck with people. And then move it 24 hrs back in the fall. If I were in charge I would extend gun banned cities' restrictions to ban cops from wielding guns as well as civilians. Because you never know where you'll find a rogue cop. If I were in charge I would create a massive jobs program involving the building of huge stone pyramids out in the middle of nowhere. And I would pay all the workers with bags of unmilled grain. If I were in charge I would declare the White House a "free speech zone" and have it fenced off whenever the president spoke (hmm that could be me).
Sucker someone into paying you closing market rates and that could become quite a cash cow.
#2. To: continental op (#0)
Always remember: 3 rights makes a LEFT.
#3. To: PnbC (#2)
If I were in charge I would make Daylight Saving Time a full 24 hrs ahead just to fuck with people. And then move it 24 hrs back in the fall.
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