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Obama Wars Title: OBAMA’S RECTUM-READY ADMINISTRATION © A CLEAR AND PRESENT DAWDLE OBAMA’S RECTUM-READY ADMINISTRATION © A CLEAR AND PRESENT DAWDLE by Norman Liebmann Obama has sent teams of Democrats to Haiti to help turn over rocks supposedly looking for survivors. Instead the Democrats are turning over rocks looking for supporters. After checking photographs of the last fifty or so earthquakes, Bill Clinton reported the island of Haiti looked pretty much the way he left it. The good news is that Bill Clinton hasn’t offered the Haitians any advice how to tidy the place up. Obama also called on Hillary Clinton to contribute to Haiti’s redemption efforts. He figured she couldn’t make it any worse. After all, how can you fuck up rubble? The general consensus of opinion is that sending money will not make Haiti better but will make money worse. Is it just a matter of time until Rahm Emanuel reminds us an earthquake is a terrible thing to waste? So far the only occurrence of violence in Haiti was inadvertent. The perpetrator explained to the cops he was carrying a machete and it accidentally went off in his hand. Apparently, the civil rights lobby determined earthquakes are Nature’s Way of diversifying society. He might also have concluded that it is also a way of scrambling the country’s eggs all at once – that is if it has any eggs. Arnold Schwarzenegger should have been sent to Haiti because of his experience in dealing with disasters. He has already turned California into another Gaza strip. Barack Obama’s best notion for how to rescue the Haitian economy was by sending them a supply of shoe shine boxes. Ever the optimist, Obama saw the Haiti earthquake as another unexpected source of automotive “clunkers”. (Incidentally, the contours of Michelle Obama’s torso have inspired automobile designers to bring back the rumble seat.) Chicago losing the Olympics, Obama getting the Nobel Peace Prize and the Haitian earthquakes are a few of the calamities that Obama didn’t cause anywhere near Copenhagen this year. (None of the fifty or so Haitian aftershocks compared favorably with the one Obama got from Massachusetts.) Danny Glover attributes the Haitian Earthquake to the fact that nothing positive was achieved in Copenhagen. I never heard anyone accused actors of being smart. ADDENDA Throwing her support behind Obama’s idea of medical care should have prompted Martha Coakley to change her name to Martha Quackly. Obamacare will not cure cancer – more likely it will guarantee it. Savoir faire has come to Africa. Cannibals no longer cook people before eating them - they sauté them. Obama is planning to raise the maximum wages of the poor as it is not possible to further reduce the amount of work they do. Obama did disappoint his much unanticipated State of the Manhole Speech in which he treated the nation to another display of sleight-of-mouth. Tony Blair has been rejected in his bid to become President of the European Community, Presumably, because Germany decided it could not take seriously a curly haired, apple-cheeked Fuhrer. In Georgia they’re planning on forming an all white basketball team. Instead of cheerleaders the half time show will be an all-nude string quartet. The President is just a podium, a teleprompter, and a flashing smile that looks like it is reinforced by a set of rivets. Attorney General Eric Holder may decide to put the Al Qaeda terrorists on a TV game show as a means of compelling them to answer questions. In Washington anyone can be elected as long as they are not what they seem to be. By now it’s apparent that the Senate has no intermission during senility. The lovely song Autumn in Vermont should be re-titled Sodom in Vermont. Filmmaker Oliver Stone plans to show us the humane side of Hitler. Conceivably it would have been easier for Hitler to show us the humane side of Oliver Stone. No matter how many millions the Obamas spend on their gala affairs, their parties always give the White House the ambience of a Palestinian refugee camp. Obama began bribing Congressmen after first finding out how well it works on cockroaches. The Democrats may ultimately inspire to change the name of our capital city to Bribe-ington D.C. Helen Thomas will not write a tell-all biography. She’s saving all the juicy stuff for a Taxicab Confession. Tiger Woods is reportedly in Sex Rehab. Somehow I can’t picture him getting propositioned by Angelina Jolie and saying, “No thanks. I’m trying to quit”. To no one’s surprise Barack Obama will order a decal of a mosque on the nose of Air Force One to match the crescent on his shorts. I didn’t think anybody could make bankers lovable - but Obama did it. One possible resolution would be if Haiti collides with an iceberg and goes down like the Titanic. France has accused the US of trying to take over Haiti. In the meantime it has suggested renaming the main street in Port Au Prince the Rue de la Rubble. Whenever there is catastrophe in any primitive area of the world white people are drawn there to help as if by vacuum cleaners, while the Civil rights people lag behind to give themselves additional time to curse "whitey”. Obama has announced he will not send troops to Yemen. More than likely he will scramble the Harlem Air Force to attack Israel, thereby interrupting the longest running crap game in history. The Department of Justice has exonerated the Black Panthers from intimidating voters at the polls. Methinks there is an Attorney General in the woodpile. Floridians should not be allowed to vote. For them punching holes in cardboard is not politics - it’s therapy.) It’s become apparent to Harry Reid there are no light-skinned Negroes in Haiti who are able to ask for help without a Negro dialect. Al Gore is trying to explain this freezing weather as the coldest spell of global warming spell in history. What a schmuck! When did the people who create television commercials decide that Negroes should be the role models for American families? Incidentally, whatever happened to black people who liked to sing and dance? Now that the government has decided that “salt” is a four letter word should something break the news to them that we already knew that? It is time to end the demonstrations in Washington by mining Pennsylvania Avenue and training the Marine Guards to pick off the stragglers. Global warming is a mass psychosis Disillusionment in America: Little Leaguers were seen carrying signs that read, . “Screw Mark Mcgwire and the steroids he pumped up on”. Hollywood stars no longer go world shopping for black infants. Haiti is delivering them right to their doors. The Gitmo terrorists scheduled to be tried in New York will miss the satisfaction of being driven to the trial by New York’s Muslim cab drivers. (Only in New York can a Muslim car bomber convince a cop he’s a safe driver.) How is it that couturiers who design clothes for near-death anorexic models manage to sell them to people with big asses like Michelle and Hillary. Incidentally, whatever became of Hillary’s disreputable brothers? If the blacks think they are scorned now, it is nothing compared to the tsunami of contempt and discrimination that will inundate them in the wake of the Barack Obama calamity. Is it just a matter of time until La Raza insists America changes the motto on the Statue of Liberty to read “We will send you our huddled masses to show you how Mexicans can breed freely”? Half the Democrats in Congress think the Alamo is the home office of Taco Bell. Incidentally, is it a kind of poetic justice that Mexicans have to drink their own water? Haiti has already had fifty after shocks. It doesn’t need doctors. It needs exorcists. It worked for Linda Blair. Nancy Pelosi has been nominated to receive The Congressional Medal of Bitch. That Pelosi is a total animal reveals the inherent frailty in our concept of totality”. We reject the “white men can't jump mentality”. Black men can jump but they keep forgetting the way down. The Clintons will always thrive in politics as long as they have access to the big bucks and the big blacks. When Clinton promised to put 100,000 new cops on the street it was to help round up the hookers for his next New Year’s Eve Party. The Clintons have turned The Democrat Party into the Tiffany’s of Treason. Obama is trying to decide whether he can be in closer touch with his constituents by commuting between both Africa and Attica. So far Obama has bailed out everything but the Titanic. Joe Biden would be an excellent candidate for brainwashing – if he had the basic equipment. Is it Karma that Harvard and Hyannis Port are downwind of each other? Neither smell that good. The Democrats went swimming while at Martha’s Vineyard. Where was “Jaws” now that we needed him? Jesse Jackson and Al Sharpton may soon undertake yet another historical inequity. They are smarting over the rumor that the slave barracks on cotton plantations had “whites only” bathrooms. Is Islam a kind of theological diarrhea that infects the entire Middle East? Was San Francisco the Patron Saint of Perverts? When Nancy Pelosi visited the Vatican was it because she knew she was unlikely to run into anyone from San Francisco. Scaling down their expectations, the Civil Rights leaders are lobbying the Jackson family to change the name Neverland to Hardly Ever Land. Was the election of Republican Scott Brown to the Senate just a case of Massachusetts having an attack of normalcy? Has Obama given white people the blues – and who knew the blues was contagious? Medical anomaly: It is reported that Janet Reno never had Parkinson's Disease. Her hands started shaking after she tried to twist open a bottle of ketchup and the bottle twisted back. Is San Quentin where the 7/Eleven counters and the cell blocks meet? Under Obama will prisoners condemned to death be covered by Medicare? Is there a gay cowboy series in contemplation to be called The Little Fairy on the Prairie? Will the Coast Guard order any craft the size of Rosie O’Donnell to be equipped with running lights? And wouldn’t Rosie make a great heavy bag in Gold’s Gym? When was it the NBA decided whether basketball players should wear long short pants or short long pants? Because of Obama’s unrelenting determination to re-distribute the nation’s wealth perhaps will he change the name of our national holiday from Thanksgiving to Trans-giving? And this … When Obama’s parents met how could they tell which one of them was slumming?
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