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Title: Utah: Man Is Struck by Lightning While Masturbating to Bible
Source:
Favogram
URL Source: https://favogram.com/utah-man-is-st ... g-while-masturbating-to-bible/
Published: Oct 28, 2019
Author: Favogram
Post Date: 2019-10-28 09:04:10 by Willie Green
Keywords: None
Views: 1590
Comments: 14
Mount Pleasant, UT | A repentant man from Utah was found in critical condition and rescued by Mt Pleasant patrol officers after the 66-year-old man allegedly told officers he had been masturbating to the Bible moments before being struck down by a lightning bolt. The religious man who had decided to go for a stroll on Mount Pleasant that day was caught offset by a raging storm which ultimately might have cost him his life. “Since my wife passed away last year, I often seek the tranquility of the hiking trails of Mount Pleasant,” he told local reporters. “I bring my Bible and meditate about God, Jesus and the Creation,” he explained. “I strongly believe God has punished me for my sinful ways that day and am glad God has given me a second chance to spread his word and tell my story,” he added. John Taylor believes that being struck by lightning was a “divine message” and hopes to share his story amongst his fellow men Masturbation is a sin Mr. Taylor wholeheartedly decries the fact that he was masturbating to the Bible moments before being struck down by lightning, a fact he wishes to share with others. “I am ashamed to say that I was fulfilling my dirty needs while holding this sacred object, written down from the spoken word of God. If God has intended this to be my punishment for my sinful ways, then I feel I must share my story with the world so that others may avoid this dreadful path” he admits, visibly humbled by the whole experience. Reading Ezekiel with a “pure mind” Mr. Taylor acknowledges his sexual urges exploded while reading verses of Ezekiel 19 and 20, which he warns must be read only by “strong devout Christians” with a “greater understanding of the Bible’s inherent truths”. “I was a bit depressed that day and that is when the Devil brought me to these passages and filled my body with sinful urges” he decries. “I was weak then, but God has shown me the way and until I die I shall share my story so others don’t pay as heavy a price as I did,” acknowledges the man that has suffered serious burns and injuries from the lightning bolt. Ezekiel verses 19 and 20 read as follow: New International Version Yet she became more and more promiscuous as she recalled the days of her youth, when she was a prostitute in Egypt. There she lusted after her lovers, whose genitals were like those of donkeys and whose emission was like that of horses.
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#1. To: Willie Green (#0)
Don't try that with a Koran. You'd lose your head you wanker!
Liberals are like Slinkys. They're good for nothing, but somehow they bring a smile to your face as you shove them down the stairs.
The Bible is not exactly lust-producing material.
Well, dirty is as dirty does. LOL I reviewed Ezekiel 19 & 20 and, other than the word 'whoredoms' in a single verse, I can't imagine that anyone could find anything lusty in the verses in these two chapters. Sometimes a Mormon with lightning burns is just a dude with burns. And he has few options for maintaining any dignty after he got struck by lighting while jerking his pud in pubic. So it is the path of least resistance to claim that the Bible is very racy reading and that Ezekiel is to blame for you being a big sinner by wanking it off in public and getting struck by lightning in the act. It was very inconsiderate of his wife to die like that and deny the poor Mormon-American a legitimate sexual outlet. He struck me as one of those dudes who thinks that marriage means you get laid every single day of your life. I've known a few guys like that and they are always more religious than the average husband. Just horny dudes with a horny lifestyle. It's tragic that this event being published will make it very hard for him to find another wife. Women are generally understanding but not that understanding.
It does...or did anyway. Then you get old.
He didn't have to confess to what he was doing. After all, you get hit by lightning, you get hit by lightning! You're gonna have burns, and nobody's going to think - Wow, God staged a weenie roast. If you're there with a Bible and burns all over you, honestly, who is going to come up with idea "Clearly he must've been masturbating to the Bible"? Nobody. Even if his pants were off, one would thing that maybe he was taking a dump, or maybe he felt the burns and tried to tear his clothes off. It's not like he was found with a lightbulb up his anus (and that guy told the ER "I fell on it". Right.
I was puzzled by this and reviewed Ezekiel's chapters 19 and 20. Then I posted and looked back and realized something wasn't right when I saw the quote from NIV about the donkeys and horses. So I looked more and found that the quote is from verse 20 of Ezekiel's chapter 23. Pretty lousy reporting if the writer can't differentiate between chapter numbers and verse numbers, even in an era where knowledge of scripture has sharply declined. But is it? The classic argument is that Onan was struck down for coitus interruptus, refusing to impregnate his brother's widow as commanded to observant Jews who were expected as a matter of religious law to raise up an heir to their dead brother. Onan, being clever, was trying to reduce his chances of getting the widow pregnant so he could keep having sex with her. "But, honey, I just can't seem to get her pregnant, no matter how many hundreds of times I've screwed her so I am doomed to keep having sex with her even if I hate every minute of it." Anyway, Onan was struck down for trying to extend his lawful sexual access to his brother's widow, not for masturbating. This does reflect the anti-masturbation stance of Roman Catholics and Protestants and even dissident cults like Mormonism. There were countless books and articles written on this topic, about how masturbating as a habit led young men to a life of wanton sexuality and drinking hard liquor. I recall a book in the local cow-town library published around 1910 that advised that any good parent should practice sneaking up on their child's bed - avoiding squeaky floorboards that might tip off the kid that you're approaching - and then suddenly flinging back the covers to catch their kid in the act of masturbating so you could save them from being drunkards and jerkoff artists. It was quite an obsession of the era. My girlfriend's mom ran the local cow-town library and so my GF was the one who found this and showed the book to me and we laughed our asses off. Then, just for a hoot, she showed it to her mom who got all worried about it and had to bring the matter to the attention of the village library board to determine if it was too racy to have out on the shelves. Which made me and my GF laugh even more about it. That girl was a treasure, probably the funniest girl I've ever known. This obsession with the alleged sin of masturbation is not biblical but is related far more to the abolitionist and Prohibitionist movements of an earlier era. There's always some devout busybody, laying awake late at night, worrying that someone is having a drink and then making a mess out of their underwear.
Does A K A Stone live in Utah?
Mitts peeps love Donnell's favorite Bible story, two Corinthians walk into a bar... Remember, please, that until the invention of the printing press, and its widespread distribution in the 1500s that allowed people to buy Bibles, religion itself was not Biblical, but mostly oral. Authority reposed in being a priest or monastic scholar. Ancient Judaism treated masturbation as a very serious sin. This is clear from the Talmud. The "blood on your hands" passages regarding killing also were applied to the spilling of semen - this was "blood" on your hands. Once again, ancient religion was not "Bible based", it was tradition based. That tradition came over into the Church. Jesus did not directly refer to the act of masturbation, but he DID say that if a man looks on a woman with lust in his heart, he has committed adultery with her in his heart. So, lustful thoughts = adultery - both are "porneia" - and porneia will earn you the lake of fire at final judgment, according to Jesus in Revelation. The Church always considered masturbation to be a mortal sin, and the catechism still says that it is a "grave sin", and a "gravely disordered act", same sort of language it uses about homosexual acts, actually. So, the obsession with the sin of masturbation IS Biblical, according to the priests who were given the power by God to interpret the Law of Moses, and according to the priests of the Church as well. Ancient Israel of the Temple treated it as a grave sin. It has always been a mortal sin, or a "grave disorder", in Catholicism and Orthodoxy. Lutheranism says that's it's a sin, because of the lustful thoughts required to do it. Luther, in fact, considered masturbation as a sin more terrible than heterosexual rape since such rape was considered to be "in accordance with nature", while masturbation was "unnatural". Anglicanism and Episcopalianism traditionally agreed that masturbation is a sin of lust, and always have. Today, the Church of England does not take a stance on the sinfulness of masturbation. John Calvin's church's view was: "The pollution of oneself is the worst and most polluting of sins of impurity." John Wesley, founder of Methodism, wrote: "Any waste of the semen in an unproductive sexual act, whether that should be in the form of masturbation or coitus interruptus, as in the case of Onan, destroys the souls of the individuals who practice it" Ellen G. White, a founders of the Seventh-day Adventists, said that the consequences of masturbation not only destroying one's life, but preventing access to Heaven when Jesus comes in the first resurrection. Mormons and Jehovah's Witnesses have always asserted that chastity is necessary and masturbation is sinful and wrong. So, are there churches out there, who, today, have abandoned the four- thousand year, uniform Judaeo-Christian tradition, including the supposedly Bible-based traditions of the founders of Luthernaism, Calvinism and Methodism, among others, that masturbation is a terrible sin, indeed a mortal one? Probably. But to say that this view is "not Biblical" is to assert that EVERY SINGLE FOUNDER OF PROTESTANTISM for the first three hundred years of all of those religions, got the Bible wrong. That's quite an assertion, by a non Catholic/Orthodox/Jew anyway. What do I say? Masturbation is OBVIOUSLY sinful, and we all know it from the moment we discover it as children. Nobody TEACHES us to do that, and nobody tells us to hide it either. Parents don't talk about it at all. Every soul figures it out all on its own, with a little nudge from the demons, perhaps, and everybody knows from the beginning that it's sinful and needs to be hidden. Nobody strides out proudly wanking at the breakfast table. We all know it's a sin - that's WHY we all hide it, and that's WHY all religions traditionally have seen it as such. In modern times, a few branches of Christianity have decided that masturbation ISN'T a sin. From what I've been able to tell, the Evangelicals say it isn't (because they say it's "not in the Bible"). It obviously IS in the Bible, with the emission of seed business in the Torah, and with the "lust in the heart = adultery" stance of Jesus. But people have a powerful urge to not admit they sin, so some modern Christians have made up the false doctrine that it's not a sin, and do that because they choose to have their vision and discernment go bad at the passages in the Bible that deal with it directly (the uncleanness of the OT, and the "what you do in your head is a sin" stance of Jesus in the NT. Evangelicals especially should know that, because they assert that to pass final judgment all you have to do is believe in your head that Jesus is Lord - that what you DO is irrelevant - so the notion that lustfully producing fantasies in the head and hand is NOT a sin at all is really just patently ridiculous and willfully obtuse). Yes, masturbation is a sin, obviously. So is lying. So the Christians who lie to themselves and pretend it isn't, when every man on earth knows damned well from the moment he discovers it that it's a sin - well, that's just compounding sin with self-deception. Anyway, it's a universal sin, and a mortal one, so if God doesn't forgive us that sin, we're all headed to the lake of fire. Given that each Christian is a vile sinner a thousand times over, what Christians OUGHT to be doing is focusing like a laser beam on what JESUS said we have to do to be forgiven sin - including sin that we don't stop doing ("seventy times seven'). Everybody should already know what that is, but for completeness, I'll state it again: Jesus said that God forgives people to the extent they forgive other people. We're each measured by God using the standard we used to measure other men. The merciful are judged with mercy, the judgmental and merciless are judged judgmentally and mercilessly. That's what he said. I take him literally and believe that. And I think that everybody who disagrees with that is not only wrong, but really making a bad mistake. Because every adult is a mortal sinner (no, little children aren't: Paul is wrong on something yet again - ALL have not sinned), we all need to be forgiven by God. You don't get forgiveness by believing in Jesus or believing that God exists. But if you do "Believe in Jesus", that means doing what he said (he said that), and he already told everybody that merely pronouncing him to be Lord doesn't save you from the fire. You have to be forgiven your sins, and you are forgiven to the extent that you forgive. And you have to be economically charitable, to the extent you can be anyway, providing for the poor, the orphan, the sick, the homeless, the naked and the prisoner. Period. Do that, and you're "saved". Do something else, and you're not, because, if you're a man, you're a wanker and a liar, drenched in sexual sin, greedy, selfish and judgmental of the flaws of other, but endlessly indulgent of your own. That's God talking right there. That's what he SAID in the Bible. That some people can spend their whole lives reading the Bible and claiming it practically AS their God, and not see those obvious lessons in it directly from Jesus...well, they're spending too much time with "the Bible" or their Church, and too little time focusing on what Jesus SAID. Given that HE is the final judge, that's a bad strategy. Mine is better. Not going to argue about it anymore. Yes, masturbation is a mortal sin. So, you're ALL mortal sinners. Lying is ALSO a mortal sin, so by claiming you're NOT a wanker yourself, at least from time to time, you're just wading deeper into the fire. And no, the young aren't going to repent of the sin and stop it, though the religiously fanatical may lie about that (and have deeper, darker guilt and obsession on account of the corruption of untruth). Hell, I'm a serial fornicator myself. Why wank when you can get girls? And as a pilot in the age of Top Gun, I enjoyed a lot of female company. Was that sinful? Of course. Duh. If I could go back, knowing what I know now, would I abstain? Nah (though I'd pass on the surprise reveal from that really hot tranny). Do I REPENT, then, for you legalists? Before I answer, do YOU, legalist, acknowledge that masturbation is a mortal sin? Or are you an unreptenant liar who tries to avoid admitting being a serial mortal sinner by denying that masturbation is a mortal sin? What I do is forgive people their sexual sins, because I understand people and let them off the hook. Judgmental Christians on this matter are always hypocritical shits. I'll leave them to go preach whatever nonsense they want. Sexual sinners like me need forgiveness. Jesus tells us how to get it. Some Christians tell us something different, and ineffective, because it's contrary to what Jesus said. So, I'll stick with Jesus, and those Christians are cordially invited to proceed on their way to Hell. I am pleased to note that Martin Luther, John Calvin and Wesley, along with Brigham Young and all of the other great Protestant founders agree with me and Pope Gregory and the Patriarchs of Constantinople and Ethiopia, that yep, masturbation is a mortal sin - OBVIOUSLY!
I think a lot of police and emergency room staff would come up with that exact explanation in very short order. This is not due to cynicism but to blunt encounters with the consequences of just what a Horny Dude will do when he thinks he's alone and won't get caught.
NO they didn't. Mortal sin was added by the false christian Catholics.
Sometimes a bolt of lightning is just a bolt of lightning, even if you do have your pants down around your ankles.
Masturbation is a sin But is it? You know the answer to that.
Liberals are like Slinkys. They're good for nothing, but somehow they bring a smile to your face as you shove them down the stairs.
And sometimes a cigar is just a cigar, even if you do have your panties down around your ankles in the little hall behind the Oval Office
#2. To: Willie Green (#0)
#3. To: Vicomte13 (#2)
The Bible is not exactly lust-producing material.
#4. To: Tooconservative (#3)
He struck me as one of those dudes who thinks that marriage means you get laid every single day of your life.
#5. To: Tooconservative (#3)
#6. To: Willie Green, IbJensen, Vicomte13 (#0)
(Edited)
Mr. Taylor acknowledges his sexual urges exploded while reading verses of Ezekiel 19 and 20...Ezekiel verses 19 and 20 read as follow:
Masturbation is a sin
#7. To: Willie Green (#0)
#8. To: Fred Mertz, Mitts peeps, A K A Stone (#7)
Does A K A Stone live in Utah?
Ron Paul - Lake Jackson Texas Values
#9. To: Tooconservative (#6)
This obsession with the alleged sin of masturbation is not biblical but is related far more to the abolitionist and Prohibitionist movements of an earlier era.
#10. To: Vicomte13 (#5)
If you're there with a Bible and burns all over you, honestly, who is going to come up with idea "Clearly he must've been masturbating to the Bible"?
#11. To: Vicomte13 (#9)
The Church always considered masturbation to be a mortal sin,
#12. To: Vicomte13 (#5)
If you're there with a Bible and burns all over you, honestly, who is going to come up with idea "Clearly he must've been masturbating to the Bible"?
#13. To: Tooconservative (#6)
#14. To: Tooconservative (#12)
Sometimes a bolt of lightning is just a bolt of lightning, even if you do have your pants down around your ankles.
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