LF: Utah: Man Is Struck by Lightning While Masturbating to Bible

Mount Pleasant, UT | A repentant man from Utah was found in critical condition and rescued by Mt Pleasant patrol officers after the 66-year-old man allegedly told officers he had been masturbating to the Bible moments before being struck down by a lightning bolt.

The religious man who had decided to go for a stroll on Mount Pleasant that day was caught offset by a raging storm which ultimately might have cost him his life.

“Since my wife passed away last year, I often seek the tranquility of the hiking trails of Mount Pleasant,” he told local reporters. “I bring my Bible and meditate about God, Jesus and the Creation,” he explained. “I strongly believe God has punished me for my sinful ways that day and am glad God has given me a second chance to spread his word and tell my story,” he added.

John Taylor believes that being struck by lightning was a “divine message” and hopes to share his story amongst his fellow men

Mr. Taylor wholeheartedly decries the fact that he was masturbating to the Bible moments before being struck down by lightning, a fact he wishes to share with others.

“I am ashamed to say that I was fulfilling my dirty needs while holding this sacred object, written down from the spoken word of God. If God has intended this to be my punishment for my sinful ways, then I feel I must share my story with the world so that others may avoid this dreadful path” he admits, visibly humbled by the whole experience.

Mr. Taylor acknowledges his sexual urges exploded while reading verses of Ezekiel 19 and 20, which he warns must be read only by “strong devout Christians” with a “greater understanding of the Bible’s inherent truths”.

“I was a bit depressed that day and that is when the Devil brought me to these passages and filled my body with sinful urges” he decries. “I was weak then, but God has shown me the way and until I die I shall share my story so others don’t pay as heavy a price as I did,” acknowledges the man that has suffered serious burns and injuries from the lightning bolt.

I reviewed Ezekiel 19 & 20 and, other than the word 'whoredoms' in a single verse, I can't imagine that anyone could find anything lusty in the verses in these two chapters.

Sometimes a Mormon with lightning burns is just a dude with burns. And he has few options for maintaining any dignty after he got struck by lighting while jerking his pud in pubic. So it is the path of least resistance to claim that the Bible is very racy reading and that Ezekiel is to blame for you being a big sinner by wanking it off in public and getting struck by lightning in the act.

It was very inconsiderate of his wife to die like that and deny the poor Mormon-American a legitimate sexual outlet. He struck me as one of those dudes who thinks that marriage means you get laid every single day of your life. I've known a few guys like that and they are always more religious than the average husband. Just horny dudes with a horny lifestyle.

It's tragic that this event being published will make it very hard for him to find another wife. Women are generally understanding but not that understanding.