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Title: Pope Announces Any Time Spent Watching 'The View' Counts As Time Served In Purgatory
Source:
The Babylon Bee
URL Source: https://babylonbee.com/news/pope-an ... ts-as-time-served-in-purgatory
Published: Oct 16, 2019
Author: The Babylon Bee
Post Date: 2019-10-18 12:42:41 by Deckard
Keywords: None
Views: 1102
Comments: 11
VATICAN CITY—Pope Francis has made one of his official, Popey announcements. (For our Protestant audience, a declaration from the pope is kinda like when Russell Moore tweets something; it carries a lot of weight for Catholics.) Anyway, the pope declared that any time you've spent watching The View in this life will count as time served in purgatory. "Frankly, if you watch those women bickering, that's punishment enough," said Pope Francis in a speech. He declared that your time will be tallied up by the angels, who will then mark that off as though you'd spent the time in purgatory. The pope said the exchange rate for time is about 1 hour of The View for a "good six months" of purification in purgatory. "Exchange rates fluctuate, of course, and it depends on the episode," he remarked. "An episode with Alyssa Milano or Chelsea Clinton is obviously worth a lot more than a regular episode." The show's ratings saw a small bump after the announcement but ticked back down when Catholics realized they'd rather just spend time in purgatory.
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Begin Trace Mode for Comment # 6.
#1. To: Deckard (#0)
At least with JP2 (in his prime) or B16, you at least thought Rome had a real pope. This guy has all the holiness of Father Guido Sarducci. Every time I see him, I think it's Ed McMahon with a new Publishers Clearing House ad.
I like this Pope. Sedevacantists bore me.
Choosing Francis as his name-de-pope was incredibly obnoxious.
I would've chosen "Lucifer" myself, as I would be bringing light to all. Pope Lucifer, the first of his name.
It would have been a fun choice. As you may recall, I always admired the fiery bishop Lucifer of Cagliari, a passionate anti-Arian. But then, the current grand poobah of Rome took his hokey pope name from Francis of Assisi, who always seemed like a weirdo to me and most accounts of his life seem far more myth than fact and who was probably just another misfit or mentally ill person who was obsessed with religion and whose reputation was later embroidered and exploited by Rome for their own profit.
'Religion is a racket.' - Smedley Butler should have said that.
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#2. To: Tooconservative (#1)
#3. To: Vicomte13 (#2)
#4. To: Tooconservative (#3)
#5. To: Vicomte13 (#4)
Pope Lucifer, the first of his name.
#6. To: Tooconservative (#5)
Replies to Comment # 6.
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