[Home]  [Headlines]  [Latest Articles]  [Latest Comments]  [Post]  [Mail]  [Sign-in]  [Setup]  [Help]  [Register] 

House Republicans’ national security-threatening impeachment stunt, explained by an expert

Son Volt’s "Union" Joins in the Anti-Trump Clamor

Rep. Elise Stefanik Discusses Schemes, Ploys and Manipulative Games of Adam Schiff…

Sacré Bleu! Trump-Basher Pierre Delecto’s Approval Rating is Now Underwater in Utah

HERE WE GO: SchiffÂ’s Star Witness Who Met with Staffers Claims Trump Quid Pro Quo

Out-Of-Control Pelosi & Schiff Ban Republicans From Viewing Transcripts Of ‘Secret’ Impeachment Hearings Says Report

Texas: Jury Rules Against Dad Fighting 7-Year-Old Son’s Gender Transition

Male-to-female professor wins women’s cycling championship again, taunts female critics

Trans Activists Force Procter & Gamble To Remove Female Venus Symbol From Sanitary Pads Packaging

Senate Leader McConnell Rebuffs President Trump – Introduces Resolution To Keep US Troops In Syria

Mitch McConnell Says He Will Sit Down with Chuck Schumer to Discuss Impeachment Proceedings

Trump defends Gabbard in Clinton spat, says she's no agent

What if the Police Don’t Identify Themselves?

WATCH: SWAT Wakes Up Disoriented Homeless Man, Execute Him for Reaching for His Waistband


Officer Who Shot Atatiana Jefferson Wasn't Asked to Do Wellness Check Despite Neighbor's Request

Ready to Pay $30,000 for Sharing a Photo Online? The House of Representatives Thinks You Are

The Pathocracy of the Deep State: Tyranny at the Hands of a Psychopathic Government

Hillary telling friends: If I thought there was an opening in the primary, I’d consider jumping in

AGW Escalation

Stockholm Syndrome

The IRS Admits it is Targeting the Poor Because it is “Easier and Cheaper” Than Auditing the Wealthy

NBC News Thinks Getting Microchipped Sounds Super-Convenient

Seattle Public Schools Will Start Teaching That Math Is Oppressive

Is Sam Adams' New 28 Percent ABV Beer Legal in Your State?

San Francisco Mint striking Enhanced Reverse Proof silver American Eagle

Louis Vuitton designer declares Trump 'a joke' after Texas workshop visit

184 House Republicans Back Bill to Censure Adam Schiff Ahead of Monday Vote

Greta Van Susteren: Fox News’ Wallace Wants to ‘Smear and Cause Trouble’ with Anonymous Impeachment Claim

Trump Will Win in 2020 *Because* of Impeachment

Florida Cops Went to Absurd Lengths to Entrap Man Who Showed No Interest in Underage Sex

Report: CIA Deep State Actors Linked to Origin of Russia Hoax Lawyer Up

Poll: Iowa caucuses are 'up for grabs' as Pete Buttigieg surges into top tier

Mitt Romney's secret Twitter account Pierre Delecto reveales

Durham’s Trail Leading to SSCI – Ali Watkins Never Slept With James Wolfe – It Was a Cover Story….

New Democrat Icon Mitt Romney Prepares to Unseat Donald Trump

Automotive Pre-Emption

Should You Get A Flu Shot?

Mifsud’s Phones Obtained by Durham Have UK Sim Cards Tying Them to the UK — AND BACK TO JOHN BRENNAN

Napolitano Wrong Again: Schiff Inquiry a Kangaroo Court

World's longest nonstop commercial flight lands in Sydney

Portland Police Review Board Says It's OK For Officers To Lie To Get Someone To Stop Filming Them

The Founding Father Who Told Americans We Have A Right To Military Weapons

A Colorado officer shot an armed man through the window of the man's home, police say

The Gun in Atatiana Jefferson’s Hand Will Be Far from Irrelevant

Gabbard says Clinton 'Russian asset' remarks are part of 'smear campaign' as 2020 Dems voice support

Elijah Cummings' widow expected to run for his House seat: report

‘I’ll Shoot You In The F—king Face’: Video Shows Cop Threaten to Murder 16yo Boy

Cops Walk Up to Family’s Home Unannounced, Shoot Dad in the Back Through a Window


Status: Not Logged In; Sign In

See other Humor Articles

Title: Say That Again, I WILL Kick Your Ass
Source: Taki's Magazine
URL Source: https://www.takimag.com/article/say-that-again-i-will-kick-your-ass/
Published: Sep 19, 2019
Author: Joe Bob Briggs
Post Date: 2019-09-19 05:38:39 by Deckard
Keywords: None
Views: 46

NEW YORK—I don’t mind it when you lie to me with marketing terms or puff me up with overblown predictions—I’m in show business, that’s what we do—but stop using these words that are designed to disguise what you’re really doing to me.

If you really wanna piss me off, use any of the following ten terms:

(1) “That would be a hard no, Joe Bob.” (Variation: “That’s a nonstarter, Joe Bob.”) (Second variation: “That won’t fly at any level, Joe Bob.”)

This is the equivalent of a 7-year-old on the elementary school playground who runs out of arguments and says, “I don’t care what you say! I’m not changing my mind!” It means “I’m tired of listening to you.” It means “Go fuck yourself.” I would honestly rather be told to go fuck myself.

(2) “Woke,” used in any sentence.

This is a way of saying, “You passed the political correctness test,” or “You’re a person that I won’t block on Twitter,” or “You showed a surprising tolerance for the latest pronouncement of Ocasio-Cortez.”

Or just, “I’m surprised you’re not an asshole.”

Don’t call me woke.

(3) “Zeitgeist,” as in “You’ve captured something in the zeitgeist.”

This is a way of telling you that your observation is not that special, and not that universal, it’s just something that woke Germans have been thinking and your investigative skills allowed you to identify it. It has nothing to do with you. If you hadn’t written about it, it would have been discovered by Rush Limbaugh next week anyway.

(4) “Give me your elevator pitch.” This is the idea that anything you’re trying to launch, any new venture, should be synopsized in the time it takes to ride up or ride down on an elevator with someone.

“I don’t have an elevator pitch. If I’m describing any project worth doing, that’s not enough time.”

This is a way of saying, “I don’t have time to listen to your stupid idea.” Or it can be, “I might be willing to listen to you for 30 seconds so I can decide whether there’s any easy way for me to take advantage of you.”

I don’t have an elevator pitch. If I’m describing any project worth doing, that’s not enough time.

(5) The “male gaze,” as in “Every camera angle in this movie is corrupted by the male gaze.”

What this means is “There are a lot of beautiful women in the movie and we haven’t thrown mud on them or dressed them in drag.” Calling it “the male gaze” implies that (a) only males appreciate beautiful women, and (b) we hate women who aren’t beautiful. Both assumptions are false and by using the term you’re simply identifying yourself as a body-shamer.

(6) “Basic,” as in “Yes, that would be the basic version, Joe Bob.”

This means you’re an out-of-date conservative boring conventional enemy of change. You have failed to acknowledge the awesomeness of Lanvin low-top sneakers. You are an old fart. By using “basic” you’ve just dismissed the other person out of hand.

(7) “Bandwidth,” as in “We have limited bandwidth for executing that, Joe Bob,” or “If you can find some available bandwidth, we’d like to add three more chapters to that assignment.”

Bandwidth is a substitution for “time,” “manpower,” “energy,” “scheduling,” and many other concepts in the arena of working. When hearing it, you first have to figure out which word the person is trying to use, therefore using up valuable bandwidth, you self-important poser.

(8) “In alignment,” as in “I want to make sure we’re in alignment with the diversity-and-inclusion people, Joe Bob,” or “We need to bring these ventures into alignment with our human-resources mission statement.”

This always means “I disagree with you but rather than hash it out I’m going to cite some universal principle at a higher level than both of us so that you won’t notice I’m disagreeing with you and you’ll have to give in because it’s bigger than we are.”

It’s a way to avoid engaging on any issue. It’s a way to say, “You scare me, Joe Bob, I’m not gonna talk about that at all.”

Spare me, please. I’m never gonna be in alignment.

(9) “Disruptive,” as in “My new company is disruptive.”

Your company is not disruptive. Henry Ford’s Model T was disruptive. The inventor of the internet was disruptive. Cell phones were disruptive. A new app for pet insurance is not disruptive.

(10) “Wheelhouse,” used in either direction—“That’s right in our wheelhouse,” or “That’s pretty far out of our wheelhouse, Joe Bob.”

Life is not the deck of a steamship. You may not have a wheelhouse, because a wheelhouse is a structure larger than yourself, and your brain may be so small that you use the word “wheelhouse” to mean something much, much smaller than yourself. That would make it kind of an idiotic metaphor, now, wouldn’t it?

But then again, it identifies you as a wheelhouse-user, making it much easier to kick you smack in the middle of your basic woke wheelhouse.

Post Comment   Private Reply   Ignore Thread  

[Home]  [Headlines]  [Latest Articles]  [Latest Comments]  [Post]  [Mail]  [Sign-in]  [Setup]  [Help]  [Register] 

Please report web page problems, questions and comments to webmaster@libertysflame.com