Humor
See other Humor Articles
Title: HAS THIS MAN UNLOCKED THE SIMPLE SECRETS TO LONGEVITY??
Source:
Keef
URL Source: https://ixquick-proxy.com/do/spg/sh ... a1a401d8b6b8cffafed62cf8919711
Published: Jul 5, 2525
Author: ??
Post Date: 2018-07-05 16:16:15 by Liberator
Keywords: Keef, Richards
Views: 543
Comments: 2
These days are rife with worry and mayhem. What can you do about it? Nothing much, so stop plans to change your gender or watching CNN. Fortunately, one person is claimed to have crack the code to human longevity. He has agreed to share his secret. Perhaps his example can be emulated. As far as many experts can see these days, what really now matters is the total elimination of stress from worrying about trivial matters such as a world gone mad, a modern toxic world, and self-abused human organs, including depending on just one fatty trainwreck of a liver and two corroded, nicotine rotted lungs. The Human Fund, the Science Community and World Health Organization are all combining to ask you to consider stop being so selfish about extending your own finite life and instead finding a local Red Cross at which you may donate your own fresh blood to Keith Richards and his legacy. Afraid of needles? The Human Fund and Red Cross will both accept cash in lieu of blood. Among many other respected men of science, Dr. Oz and Dr.Phil are strongly advising the new health regimen be copied immediately and simple chart slapped up on your refrigerator yesterday. Doctors Oz and Phil say there should be reminders of what's important in life, and what we can and can't change. Dr. Oprah agrees. Move over Methuselah. Welcome Keith Richards. For starters Dr. Oz and Dr. Phil strongly suggest tossing away all your useless vitamins, juicer, and exercise equipment. And ditch that useless gym membership. Importantly, re-install ashtrays and a lighter in your car (and especially in the back for the kids.) Their simple 3-Step protocol for Life Extension (licensed by Keith's Way) for you and your children is now made available: 2) A Snorted, popped, shot and guzzled breakfast should replace past "healthy" alternatives that were after all, killing you. At the top of the FDA's nutritional pyramid should be unfiltered Camels or Lucky Strike (the kids say they prefer Camels for some reason). 3) Chain-smoking one Marlboro Red after another is said to be a "Silver Bullet" accord to Mr. Richards. 4) Staggering out of a very high Coconut Tree, aiming to land on one's skull may help increase brain mass and blood circulation. 5) Blood transfusions. Blood transfusions. And then more blood transfusions are highly recommended. For further inspiration, please buy this T-Shirt at DrOz.com: 1) Snort the ashes of past loved ones, pets, bugs, whatever. It may help pro-long life extension. Or might not.
Post Comment Private Reply Ignore Thread
Top • Page Up • Full Thread • Page Down • Bottom/Latest
#1. To: Liberator (#0)
I think Keith Richards quit the Rolling Stones and joined a rock and roll ensemble called Spinal Tap.
#2. To: Liberator (#0)
Top • Page Up • Full Thread • Page Down • Bottom/Latest
[Home] [Headlines] [Latest Articles] [Latest Comments] [Post] [Mail] [Sign-in] [Setup] [Help] [Register]