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WORLD WAR III
See other WORLD WAR III Articles

Title: Hawaii Residents Turned Off Porn When Missile Alert Came. Then They Found Out It Was A False Alarm...
Source: DailyWire
URL Source: https://www.dailywire.com/news/2602 ... hen-missile-alert-hank-berrien
Published: Jan 17, 2018
Author: Hank Berrien
Post Date: 2018-01-17 23:12:15 by Tooconservative
Keywords: None
Views: 312
Comments: 4

During the shocking false missile attack on Hawaii, traffic to porn sites from the state went completely limp — but quickly stiffened again after the false alarm was revealed, according to the porn website Pornhub.

Pornhub examined the traffic on its site from the time the first alert was issued, at 8:07 a.m. on Saturday, and found that in the 20 minutes following the alert, traffic slumped a massive 77% from its normal level, reaching its nadir 15 minutes after the alert. Yet after the alert, at 8:45 a.m. that the first text had been a false alarm, things changed rapidly; traffic skyrocketed 48% higher than normal levels, with the apex coming at 9:01 a.m.

The Daily Mail commented that the peak traffic occurring 15 minutes after the second announcement was issued rose because that gave “people time to return to their homes (and, apparently, their computers) after seeking shelter.”

Pornhub has stated that only 1% of its viewers watched the site on a mobile device in 2007, but by May 2017, 75% of viewers tuned in on a mobile device.

Yet In 2007, Pornhub visitors spent an average of 13 minutes on the site, viewing a total of 14 pages. But in 2017, PornHub visitors spent nine minutes viewing only nine pages.


Poster Comment:

This is not a Humor article or #FakeNews.

Post Comment   Private Reply   Ignore Thread  


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#1. To: Tooconservative (#0)

Well, it looks like Hawaii stumbled on a solution to the porn epidemic. Daily live nuke alerts!

Pinguinite  posted on  2018-01-17   23:15:19 ET  Reply   Trace   Private Reply  


#2. To: Tooconservative (#0)

It's not just round eye that likes porn. I imagine that island is chuck full of pervs. It has its share of drug addicts, criminal shitbags and lazy welfare bums.

I'm the infidel... Allah warned you about. كافر المسلح

GrandIsland  posted on  2018-01-17   23:18:13 ET  Reply   Trace   Private Reply  


#3. To: GrandIsland, Pinguinite (#2)

Yet after the alert, at 8:45 a.m. that the first text had been a false alarm, things changed rapidly; traffic skyrocketed 48% higher than normal levels, with the apex coming at 9:01 a.m.

I liked how the pervs made up for lost time with renewed enthusiasm.

Of course, the breeding drive is considerably higher in both sexes after perceived near-death episodes.

  1. yawn...click...fap-fap-fap...click...fap-fap-fap...
  2. "INBOUND MISSILE ALERT"
  3. "Oh Noes, I better pull my pants up before I bargain with God to spare my pathetic life!"
  4. (20 minutes of worrying, praying and tearing about futilely)
  5. "FALSE ALARM: THERE IS NO MISSILE"
  6. "Whew...so relieved. Thank you, God."
  7. ...click...FAP-FAP-FAP-FAP-FAP-FAP-FAP-FAP-FAP...

It is kinda comedic.

Tooconservative  posted on  2018-01-17   23:46:51 ET  Reply   Trace   Private Reply  


#4. To: All (#3)

ZeroHedge retweeted this screencap.

I love this fapping-your-way-through-the-apocalypse story.

Tooconservative  posted on  2018-01-19   9:53:14 ET  (1 image) Reply   Trace   Private Reply  


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