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Title: Shortage of Virgins in Islam? Try Liberal Dogma!
Source:
John W Lillpop
URL Source: [None]
Published: Apr 22, 2006
Author: JOHN W LILLPOP
Post Date: 2006-04-22 10:36:08 by alwaysontheright
Keywords: None
Views: 483
John W Lillpop European cartoonists <>http://muhammadcartoons.com/> <>http://muhammadcartoons.com/> have stirred up a controversy satirizing Muhammed, the Muslim prophet. One of the more creative panels shows the Prophet looking down from heaven at a long line of suicide bombers, pleading for them to stop because "We have run out of virgins!" What the Prophet really needs is a Howard Dean to implement liberal dogma: - Redistribution of Wealth: Rewarding each suicide bomber with 72 virgins is obscene, especially since disadvantaged (non-Martyr) Muslims are forced to survive with far fewer. A progressive formula for equitable redistribution of wealth is required to level the playing field. In addition, a "Virgin windfall" tax may be needed. - Affirmative Action: The virgin population in Islamic heaven is currently limited to beautiful, thin, middle-eastern Muslim women between 18-20. This bigoted discrimination prevents otherwise qualified virgins from gainful employment and is a root cause of the shortage crisis. An affirmative action program is needed to assure diversity and equality. Heaven should be forced to hire plain, overweight women of black, white, Latino, and Asian ethnicity, between the ages of 21-75, as well as women from the Christian, Jewish, Hindu, and Buddhist religions. This would immediately eliminate shortfalls. (It might reduce the number of suicide bombers as well, but that can be solved elsewhere.) - Moral Relativism-Redefining 'Sex' As a recent American president discovered, defining the word sex is nearly as bewildering as defining what the meaning of 'is' is. But, as it turns out, Bill Clinton's definition of sex would greatly reduce the number of spoiled women, while automatically expanding the pool of those eligible to work as virgins. - Recycling: Virgins are increasingly seen as disposable commodities in Islamic heaven. One or two uses, and out! Strict recycling rules are needed to eliminate waste and protect heaven's environment. Although liberalism is not worth a damn in a free and capitalistic society, it might be perfect in a fascist environment like Islamic heaven. Attention Howard Dean: If the DNC finally gets wise and dumps your dumb a**, check with a Muslim terrorist for your next gig! jwl
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