Humor
See other Humor Articles
Title: Man fresh out of coma commits suicide after learning Trump is President
Source:
World News Daily Report
URL Source: http://worldnewsdailyreport.com/man ... r-learning-trump-is-president/
Published: Jun 22, 2017
Author: Â
Post Date: 2017-06-22 22:23:43 by Tooconservative
Keywords: None
Views: 5643
Comments: 40
San Francisco, CA | Adrian Blake, a 24-year-old Starbucks employee who had recently awoken from a seven-month-long coma reportedly committed suicide this week after learning Donald Trump had won the presidency. After a miraculous recovery, Blake was reported by doctors as healthy and had recently been freed from San Francisco’s General Hospital after six weeks of physical therapy and readaptation. The young man was artificially induced into a comatic state in late October of 2016 after doctors feared for his life when he suffered a strong epileptic attack caused by an ecstasy overdose during a rave party. The strong Hillary supporter’s mom says the news of Donald Trump winning the presidential election was just “too hard to swallow”. “We lied to him for as long as we could but when he got out of the hospital, it was impossible to hide the truth from him anymore,” she admitted. “He was so happy he cried when we told him that Hillary had won, I couldn’t tell him the truth, I knew he’d be crushed by the news”. “The doctor told us he needed calm and to stay away from any kind of stress or anxiety attack, or he could go into shock and relapse,” she told reporters in tears. “He was so depressed, he immediately stopped eating,” his mother told reporters. “He just completely shut down. I think that if I had told him that a nuclear strike had just hit San Francisco he wouldn’t have reacted any differently,” she explained. Blake also wrote a letter to his friends and family saying that he “could not bear the thought of living under a Trump presidency” before overdosing on antidepressants. Recent CDC National suicide statistics numbers show an alarming 2000% increase in suicide rates for the end of 2016 and the beginning of 2017 in the United States since President Donald Trump’s election, the highest suicide rate ever recorded in US history since the height of the Great Depression, although experts warn many factors could explain these high numbers. Poster Comment: WorldNewsDailyReport.com is my favorite #FakeNews site. It's like a Macedonian content farm on crack. 
Post Comment Private Reply Ignore Thread
Top • Page Up • Full Thread • Page Down • Bottom/Latest
Begin Trace Mode for Comment # 3.
#3. To: Tooconservative (#0)
(Edited)
Surely this is Onion material. It certainly is funny enough to qualify. I've never heard of anyone trying to kill themselves by taking anti-depressants. At least not on purpose, and not without killing a bunch of other people first. And if he had access to ecstasy, that would be a much more efficient choice of drug. Edit: The other headlines on the site certainly confirm it's satire. The Onion has some good competition!
#9. To: Pinguinite (#3)
It's like eating potato chips, you just can't stop.
Top • Page Up • Full Thread • Page Down • Bottom/Latest
Replies to Comment # 3. Edit: The other headlines on the site certainly confirm it's satire. The Onion has some good competition!
End Trace Mode for Comment # 3.
[Home] [Headlines] [Latest Articles] [Latest Comments] [Post] [Mail] [Sign-in] [Setup] [Help] [Register]