THE SOUTH’S GONNA DO IT AGAIN Redneck's dream becomes reality by Jerry Atrix
Who are we to doubt the great Charlie Daniels? When he coined this song in the mid 70’s, who would have thought he was right? Could we have guessed that if it restarted, it would do so in our lifetime? Despite what he didn’t think or know, the South HAS done it again. Or is, at least, trying. Last week, country music superstar Willie Nelson pulled his endorsement from Democratic oddball Dennis Kucinich, and appointed himself President of the Confederate States of America. Nelson is building an army of former Howard Dean supporting ‘ guys with Confederate flags on their pickup trucks’. An official Nelson press release said as follows: “ The tyranny of George W. Bush must be stopped. After my hostile takeover is complete, there will be whiskey for every man, and beer for every horse.” He is also looking for appointees for his cabinet, a few of which he has already announced. Apparently, he has appointed the Dixie Chicks as Secretaries of the Press, U2’s Bono as Commissar of Indian Affairs. Wynnona Rider takes the coveted position of Chief Justice, which we feel is an excellent pick. In keeping with the spirit of equal rights, he has also appointed the Reverend Al Sharpton Chairman of the Riverboat gambling commission, and the Reverend Jesse Jackson as the Chairman of the Abstinence Council. Rev. Jackson said of his appointment: “ I am honored at having the position, and would like to teach people that sex outside of marriage is wrong.” President Bush, after hearing of Nelson’s plan, went into a spastic fit of rage at having to postpone his fit to Mars. He is now, however, taking it in stride now. To combat the Nelson hard hitting roster of celebrities, Bush has appointed neo-conservative favorites Toby Keith and Darryl Worley (of “Have You Forgotten” fame) as Presidential minstrels. No word from either side on a Charlie Daniels endorsement, although he was quoted as saying: “I bet you never did think that it never would happen again.”
We here at The Viable Hiatus will follow this story as it develops.
