"I call my own shots" is exactly what someone who doesn't call his own shots would say.
The nation's newest reality show has taken the country by storm. America's Got 1930s Germany Vibes seemed like a joke when it was first announced back in 2015. I mean, what were the odds that anyone would actually watch that? Well, it's now the number one show in the world (handily beating Arnold's version of The Apprentice) and it's got everything you could want: spilling secrets. Unhinged rants. The threat of a totalitarian regime lurking around every corner. And of course, secret plots from the people who are really pulling the strings.
It's this last point that's become the running A-Story of the show. Namely the fact that our real president is not Donald Trump, the man who was elected, but rather is Steve Bannon, a devious malcontent who is very clearly manipulating Trump to his own ends. For evidence of this, you can see every news story about every decision this Trump administration has made, or just look at this one from yesterday about how Steve Bannon is having Trump sign things he doesn't even understand.
And as it turns out, our President (in name only) doesn't love being told by us or Time Magazine or SNL or every liberal on Twitter that he's just a lackey for our actual Commander-in-chief Steve Bannon:
Donald J. Trump
@realDonaldTrump
I call my own shots, largely based on an accumulation of data, and everyone knows it. Some FAKE NEWS media, in order to marginalize, lies!
4:07 AM - 6 Feb 2017
Let's do a quick break down of Trump's slow and delicious breakdown.
Okay. That sounds an awful lot like something someone who doesn't call his own shots would say, but I get why he has to say it.
... largely based on an accumulation of data...
And you lost me. Do you see how bad Trump is when he's not just reciting the things President Bannon wants him to say. Is there any chance at all that Donald "All Negative Polls Are Fake News" Trump is making decisions on "an accumulation of data"? (Also that phrasing is rough. It's like he had to use Google to translate this tweet into English from his native Beelzebubese.)
...And everyone knows it.
No, we most certainly do not. You claimed your inaugural crowd size was the biggest ever, despite photographic evidence that proved that was patently untrue. If you won't even trust data as sophisticated as a Highlights "look at these two pictures and tell me what the differences are" puzzle, then I'm not about to believe you have some dudes Moneyballing foreign policy decisions right now. I wonder how yelling at the Australian Prime Minister affects your politician VORP.
Some FAKE NEWS media, in order to marginalize, lies!
Trump's obsession with calling things "fake news" is the most predictable thing. This is a man who massively benefited from real fake news. Pieces that claimed Hillary was deathly ill or implicated in a child prostitution ring are part of the reason he got elected President, and are real examples of fake news. CNN asking you and your team tough questions? Not fake news.
So our brief look into the mind of Our Glorious Leader's patsy shows us that he's an insecure moron who hates that we are all properly recognizing the actual presidency of Steve Bannon. Trump hates that it makes him look like a sad, dumb, loser, but on the other hand that means so much extra time for him to watch Morning Joe.
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