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Corrupt Government See other Corrupt Government Articles Title: Comedian Takes Out Full Page Ad In Local Paper After Being Ticketed For 'Parking The Wrong Way'
Source:
Information Liberation
URL Source: http://www.informationliberation.com/?id=51559
Published: Jul 14, 2015
Author: Eugene Mirman
Post Date: 2015-07-14 21:15:27 by Deckard
Keywords: None Views: 831
Comments: 8
Comedian Eugene Mirman took out a full page ad in a local New Hampshire paper after he was ticketed by police in Portsmouth for "parking the wrong way."
We covered a similar incident earlier this month where a cop told a woman there's "no excuse" for parking the wrong way, then proceeded to get the law wrong himself telling her it's "illegal" to film him, which is evidently perfectly excusable.
If you can't see the image above, here's the full text:
Dear Portsmouth, NH, and Especially the Parking Clerks Office,
Last June I had a wonderful day walking around your historic downtown with my girlfriend. I bought two puppets, who turned out to be gay. Just kidding, theyre puppets. We stopped in cute shops, ate a popover and saw Black David Cross. It was nice.
Then when we returned to our car, on the windshield was a ticket. What could this possibly be for, I thought. I paid for three hours of parking (but only used two youre welcome, Portsmouth.) Is it a crime in Portsmouth to not use all of the parking you bought? How'd you know Id be back early? Do you have a PreCrime division? Why are your PreCogs working on traffic tickets? Shouldnt they be out preventing Street Performers before they happen? But no, I read the violationwe backed into a spot and were being fined $15 for being parked in the wrong direction.
What kind of horse$&it charge is that? Its illegal to back into a spot? Before I embarrass myself, I want to make sure that Portsmouth is still inside the United States and not considered a part of Iran?
Youre probably thinking, Well, if before visiting Portsmouth, like everyone else youd simply gone to the City Clerks Office website, clicked on City of Portsmouth ordinances and looked in chapter seven Vehicles, Traffic and Parking. Right there in section 7.316: BACK TO CURB, it says, No vehicle shall remain backed up to the curb. Similarly, if you had gone to my website before I came to your city and clicked on Eugenes ordinances, youd know that in Chapter One under F%#K You Dont Steal My Money, in section 8.215 is says, F%#K You Dont Steal My Money.
But even if I had gone to your website is states that the online ordinances are not an official copy that for the official ordinances, I have to call 610-7245. Why no area code? Am I calling from a local payphone in 1986? But instead, I foolishly looked around for signs, both real and from God. I saw nothing, but I heard Gods voice, and he said, This is f%#cking bull$&it. You need to write them a letter.
Lastly, as you know, New Hampshires state motto is General John Starks celebrated quote, Live Free or Die, which he famously said before attempting the first recorded self-BJ. If John Stark was alive today, he would be 287 years old also, right after learning about cars, General Stark would then be disgusted ti discover that Portsmouth doesnt even give peopple the freedom to back into a spot which by your own states twisted logic, turns my $15 ticket into a fight to the death.
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