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Title: Comedian Takes Out Full Page Ad In Local Paper After Being Ticketed For 'Parking The Wrong Way'
Source:
Information Liberation
URL Source: http://www.informationliberation.com/?id=51559
Published: Jul 14, 2015
Author: Eugene Mirman
Post Date: 2015-07-14 21:15:27 by Deckard
Keywords: None
Views: 995
Comments: 8
Comedian Eugene Mirman took out a full page ad in a local New Hampshire paper after he was ticketed by police in Portsmouth for "parking the wrong way." 
We covered a similar incident earlier this month where a cop told a woman there's "no excuse" for parking the wrong way, then proceeded to get the law wrong himself telling her it's "illegal" to film him, which is evidently perfectly excusable.
If you can't see the image above, here's the full text: Dear Portsmouth, NH, and Especially the Parking Clerk’s Office,
(1 image)
Last June I had a wonderful day walking around your historic downtown with my girlfriend. I bought two puppets, who turned out to be gay. Just kidding, they’re puppets. We stopped in cute shops, ate a popover and saw Black David Cross. It was nice.
Then — when we returned to our car, on the windshield was a ticket. “What could this possibly be for,” I thought. I paid for three hours of parking (but only used two — you’re welcome, Portsmouth.) Is it a crime in Portsmouth to not use all of the parking you bought? How'd you know I’d be back early? Do you have a PreCrime division? Why are your PreCogs working on traffic tickets? Shouldn’t they be out preventing Street Performers before they happen? But no, I read the violation—we backed into a spot and were being fined $15 for being “parked in the wrong direction.”
What kind of horse$&it charge is that? It’s illegal to back into a spot? Before I embarrass myself, I want to make sure that Portsmouth is still inside the United States and not considered a part of Iran?
You’re probably thinking, “Well, if before visiting Portsmouth, like everyone else — you’d simply gone to the City Clerk’s Office website, clicked on City of Portsmouth ordinances and looked in chapter seven — Vehicles, Traffic and Parking. Right there in section 7.316: BACK TO CURB, it says, “No vehicle shall remain backed up to the curb.” Similarly, if you had gone to my website before I came to your city and clicked on Eugene’s ordinances, you’d know that in Chapter One under “F%#K You Don’t Steal My Money,” in section 8.215 is says, “F%#K You Don’t Steal My Money.”
But even if I had gone to your website — is states that the online ordinances are not an official copy — that for the official ordinances, I have to call 610-7245. Why no area code? Am I calling from a local payphone in 1986? But instead, I foolishly looked around for signs, both real and from God. I saw nothing, but I heard God’s voice, and he said, “This is f%#cking bull$&it. You need to write them a letter.”
Lastly, as you know, New Hampshire‘s state motto is General John Stark’s celebrated quote, “Live Free or Die,” which he famously said before attempting the first recorded self-BJ. If John Stark was alive today, he would be 287 years old — also, right after learning about cars, General Stark would then be disgusted ti discover that Portsmouth doesn’t even give peopple the freedom to back into a spot — which by your own state’s twisted logic, turns my $15 ticket — into a fight to the death.
With Great Disappointment In You,
Eugene Mirman
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Begin Trace Mode for Comment # 5.
#1. To: Deckard (#0)
It's called "left side to curb"... and when you park that way it causes you to pull into traffic the wrong way after you're done parking. It's illegal everywhere the community has any size... and I'm sure this motorist knew it was illegal and was too flipping lazy to park like a non Obama.
Say WHAT? This ain't England,bubba! This is America,and we park on the right side of the road,and the left side of your car would only be up against the curb if you had parked on the left side of a 1 way street.
Left and right side, regarding cars, IS AS YOU SIT IN IT. lol Left side to curb parking is only legal on a one way street. Leave the legal stuff to me... I'll allow you to be the guru of "fags in the family" information.
#6. To: GrandIsland (#5)
No shit. Left side to curb parking is only legal on a one way street. Leave the legal stuff to me... It's obvious I can't leave the proof reading or the thinking to you.
Top • Page Up • Full Thread • Page Down • Bottom/LatestParking The Wrong Way
#4. To: GrandIsland (#1)
It's called "left side to curb"... and when you park that way it causes you to pull into traffic the wrong way after you're done parking.
#5. To: sneakypete (#4)
Say WHAT? This ain't England,bubba! This is America,and we park on the right side of the road,and the left side of your car would only be up against the curb if you had parked on the left side of a 1 way street.
Replies to Comment # 5. Left and right side, regarding cars, IS AS YOU SIT IN IT. lol
End Trace Mode for Comment # 5.
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