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Humor
See other Humor Articles

Title: Potted Meat Review
Source: http://www.thesneeze.com/steve-dont-eat-it/
URL Source: [None]
Published: Apr 22, 2015
Author: the sneeze
Post Date: 2015-04-22 05:36:04 by no gnu taxes
Keywords: None
Views: 4600
Comments: 30

Potted Meat Food Product

There aren't too many products that feel the need to reassure you that they are, in fact, "food." Already not a good sign.

The list of ingredients is long and horrifying, coming right out of the gate with "MECHANICALLY SEPARATED CHICKEN." Oddly enough, I'm about to be separated from my lunch, and I haven't even opened the can yet.

Other ingredients include BEEF TRIPE, BEEF HEARTS, AND "PARTIALLY DE-FATTED COOKED PORK FATTY TISSUE" How does one de-fat fat? Bizarre. God knows what else is in here.

Okay, I'm going to go try it now. If i'm not back in ten minutes, call Poison Control...

I'm back. Oofah.

Okay, here we go-- Pulling back the lid (not recommended) lets loose an odor that punches you in the nose like a stinky fist. If you've ever smelled a can of dog food, it's just like that. Only imagine you are opening the can while your head is wedged in a horse's ass.

Inside is a smooth, oddly pink meat paste. So smooth, in fact, I dare call it "creamy." (I actually got a little gaggy just typing that.) Surprisingly, it was a little spicier than I expected. Although, that sensation may have been a by-product of my tastebuds dying.

The can shows a serving suggestion of the Potted Meat being served on squares of toast. I would also suggest squares of toilet paper. Or maybe a nice diaper.

All I can tell you is, I survived the first installment of "Steve, Don't Eat It." And I have to admit it may have even been a little educational. I know I learned at least one thing from "Ralph's Potted Meat"-- Ralph is a fucking dick.

Not surprisingly, I've come up with a little slogan the peeps who handle Potted Meat Marketing can use (no charge, as always): POTTED MEAT FOOD PRODUCT: Made By, For, And With Assholes. (2 images)

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Begin Trace Mode for Comment # 10.

#3. To: no gnu taxes (#0) (Edited)

The other day I was making a salami & swiss sandwich
for lunch. As I was making it, I casually read the
ingredients of the salami. It contains BEEF HEARTS.
I never knew that. I ate the sandwich, and the rest
of the salami is in the fridge. I'll eat it.

But I haven't decided yet if I'm ever going to buy any more.

Chuck_Wagon  posted on  2015-04-22   11:43:02 ET  Reply   Untrace   Trace   Private Reply  


#4. To: Chuck_Wagon (#3)

Heart is best when warm and dripping, fresh out of the kill. -- Otherwise, cool it as soon as possible, slice it fairly thin, and saute in butter just long enough to heat it thoroughly. --- Bon appetite...

tpaine  posted on  2015-04-22   11:58:17 ET  Reply   Untrace   Trace   Private Reply  


#7. To: tpaine, Chuck_Wagon (#4)

Heart is best when warm and dripping, fresh out of the kill.

I don't think Shop-Rite is slaughtering live animals. YET.

Otherwise, cool it as soon as possible, slice it fairly thin, and saute in butter just long enough to heat it thoroughly. --- Bon appetite...

Probably a delicacy back in the day. Do you enjoy this dish? And do you suggest the fava beans with a playful Chianti?

Liberator  posted on  2015-04-22   12:38:19 ET  Reply   Untrace   Trace   Private Reply  


#10. To: Liberator (#7)

Probably a delicacy back in the day.

Obviously, you're not a hunter.

Try it, you'll like it..

tpaine  posted on  2015-04-22   12:46:35 ET  Reply   Untrace   Trace   Private Reply  


Replies to Comment # 10.

#15. To: tpaine (#10)

Obviously, you're not a hunter.

Yes, I do hunt. At the meat counter at the butcher ;-) But if I was a hunter I'd be down for...THE MEAT...specifically, #1, the tenderloin (btw, does squirrel have "tenderloin"?

Try it, you'll like it..

Not unless I'm hanging out with Rambo.

Liberator  posted on  2015-04-22 12:58:26 ET  Reply   Untrace   Trace   Private Reply  


End Trace Mode for Comment # 10.

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