Humor
See other Humor Articles
Title: Actor Kevin Bacon Changing Last Name To Appease Muslims
Source:
clashdaily.com
URL Source: http://clashdaily.com/2012/09/actor ... ame-to-appease-muslims-satire/
Published: Sep 5, 2012
Author: Nick Taxia
Post Date: 2012-09-05 17:28:32 by CZ82
Keywords: None
Views: 6014
Comments: 9
Actor Kevin Bacon Changing Last Name To Appease Muslims By Nick Taxia / 4 September 2012 by Ibrahim al-Lincoln, official DP Muslim Civil War Re-enactor August 28th, 2012, (NEW YORK) — “ ‘Tis but thy name that is my enemy…What’s in a name? That which we call a rose. By any other name would smell as sweet,” wrote Shakespeare in Romeo & Juliet. But apparently thy name is no longer so sweet for actor Kevin Bacon. Bowing to pressure from various Muslim groups such as CAIR (Center for American–Islamic Relations), the iconic actor and musician has publically vowed to change his last name. The reason: although many Muslims, like most Americans, watch films featuring the seemingly omnipresent actor, his last name has become a source of “discomfort,” as it is a byproduct of pork, a strictly forbidden meat within the Islamic faith. The star of Footloose, A Few Good Men, Mystic River and countless other films issued a press release Tuesday afetrnoon announcing he will be changing his last name “due to increasing demand from the Muslim community to be able to enjoy my films while not having to be reminded of the filthy, horrid meat so common among ‘infidels.’ ” Although Bacon did not state what new name he would adopt to appease America’s Muslim community, the actor’s press statement Tuesday made it clear he would be formally changing his surname within the month. Said the now Artist-Formally-Known-As Bacon in his statement: “Although the Bacon family has held our name humbly and innocuously throughout generations, I had no idea it was causing members of our Muslim community discomfort and impeding their enjoyment of my films and music. It is with great apologies to CAIR and other representatives of the Islamic community that I hereby renounce my surname of ‘Bacon,’ since it is a source of revulsion to some of the Muslim community.…Had I known my name would be provoking the thought of such a cultural dietary taboo, I would have begun my acting career in 1978 under a different name. I extend my sincerest apologies to any members of the Muslim community who may have taken offense to my porcine name.” – Kevin Soon-Not-To-Be Bacon Bacon’s renouncement of his last name comes after several incidents across the nation in which strips of bacon have been left on the steps of Islamic mosques and at Staten Island’s New Drop Beach Park on August 20th, where hundreds of Muslims gathered to celebrate the end of the holy month of Ramadan, prompting police to “probe” the placement of the lifeless pork slices as a “hate crime.” Reactions within social media outlets to such incidents have resulted in declarations such as an official “Bacon Appreciation Day” (September 1st) according to Facebook’s “BACON APPRECIATION DAY” home page, which is so shockingly insensitive that the esteemed journalists at Duh Progressive have become very upset and must pause from writing about it for a moment… http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XELamUnF0EU&feature=related …Okay, we are back. According to Islamic spokespeoplepersonisndividuals such as CAIR’s National Communications Director, Ibrahim Hooper, who had vowed a boycott Kevin Bacon’s movies until the actor changed his last name to something less offensive, Bacon’s announcement is bitter sweet; a case of “too little, too late.” Said Hooper on Tuesday to Duh Progressive, “We are pleased that our requests for Kevin You-Know-Who to change his name have been finally met. But that doesn’t replace all those years of trying to enjoy his movies while not thinking about the sacrilegious meat he symbolized.” However, prominent leaders of other non-pork-eating religions are voicing support for Kevin Bacon, counter-demanding the actor not change his name. Rosalind Jekowsky, Vice President of the Jewish Community Relationship Council of San Francisco, said she would “re-boycott” Bacon’s movies if the 54-year-old actor did change his name. “I’ve watched Kevin Bacon ever since Animal House; enjoyed all his work…shoot, even Hallow Man!” Jekowsky said Tuesday, adding, “Hey, a number of religions reject pork, but why it is only Muslims get to change an entire family’s surname because it abstractly ‘offends them?’ Why do they care and we (Jews) don’t?” Continued Jekowsky, “To bully (Bacon) into changing his name to appease a fraction of Muslims who even care is the epitome of political correctness run amuck. …So we urge people of sound mind everywhere to counter-boycott (Bacon) upon his announcing his new name. That’s the only reasonable course of action.” Although there is yet no word on what new name will replace Kevin Bacon’s Bacon, sources close to the actor’s wife, actress Kyra Sedgwick, claim Bacon is toying with several possible names guaranteed not to offend the U.S.’s Muslim community, among which are Kevin Hummus, Kevin Lambshanks, Kevin Shish Kabobs, Kevin Kabob, Kevin al-Mufti, or Kevin………… BREAKING: As of 6:02 PM, PT, Kevin Bacon’s manager, Stacey Boniello, said that in response to demands from numerous and prominent leaders of the Muslim community (all five of them) to change his last name, he has chosen a last name “accommodating fans of all faiths, particularly Muslims.” As of next month, Kevin Bacon will be known as “Kevin Nine Eleven.” “Great to meet you, Mr. Nine Eleven! Can I have your autograph, please?” (Note: This piece is satire).
Post Comment Private Reply Ignore Thread
Top • Page Up • Full Thread • Page Down • Bottom/Latest
#1. To: CZ82 (#0)
(Edited)
I hope you realize that this is a joke.
It would appear you went off half-cocked. As usual. “Great to meet you, Mr. Nine Eleven! Can I have your autograph, please?” (Note: This piece is satire). Idiot.
Read the URL Kookoo boy. http://clashdaily.com/2012/09/actor-kevin-bacon-changing-last-name-to-appease- muslims-satire/ If that's not enough, read the first sentence of article: (Note: the following piece is satire) Once again, you've shown yourself to be a kooky nut job, as usual.
read the article, asshat. Oh, I'm sure you did... that's why you felt it necessary to say "this is satire." Now you're pretending you knew it all along, eh? To believe that, I'd have to be as stupid as you. IDIOT.
Oh, I'm sure you did... that's why you felt it necessary to say "this is satire." I felt it necessary because the things you post as "serious news" are every bit as loony tunes as this.
You're an asshat. And you were too lazy and too STYUUUPID read through the piece... Your cred, when it comes to what is (or is not) "serious" is laughable. You post the pro-wrestling version of politics. So who's gonna' win the big fight, Triple-H or Brock Lesnar? Of course, instead of a couple of roided freaks, we get a two empty suits. What a match this election will be... SHIT.
LOL! Coming from a 'supposed conservative' who gets mad cause conservatives wont support your favorite socialist, that's damned funny.
"If men through fear, fraud or mistake, should in terms renounce and give up any essential natural right, the eternal law of reason and the great end of society, would absolutely vacate such renunciation; the right to freedom being the gift of God Almighty, it is not in the power of Man to alienate this gift, and voluntarily become a slave." Samuel Adams, Rights of the Colonists, 1772
Tremors was the best.
Obama's watch stopped on 24 May 2008, but he's been too busy smoking crack to notice.
Without a doubt!
Bowing to pressure from various Muslim groups such as CAIR (Center for American–Islamic Relations), the iconic actor and musician has publically vowed to change his last name. The reason: although many Muslims, like most Americans, watch films featuring the seemingly omnipresent actor, his last name has become a source of “discomfort,” as it is a byproduct of pork, a strictly forbidden meat within the Islamic faith.
"we must as a species go into a period of shrinkage that we have not experienced since the Dark Ages and the Black Plague" -- lucysmom
#2. To: jwpegler (#1)
I hope you realize that this is a joke.
BREAKING: As of 6:02 PM, PT, Kevin Bacon’s manager, Stacey Boniello, said that in response to demands from numerous and prominent leaders of the Muslim community (all five of them) to change his last name, he has chosen a last name “accommodating fans of all faiths, particularly Muslims.” As of next month, Kevin Bacon will be known as “Kevin Nine Eleven.”
"I am relying on my personal experience with Morons, which have been universally positive." -jwpegler
#3. To: Capitalist Eric (#2)
"we must as a species go into a period of shrinkage that we have not experienced since the Dark Ages and the Black Plague" -- lucysmom
#4. To: jwpegler (#3)
Read the URL Kookoo boy.
"I am relying on my personal experience with Morons, which have been universally positive." -jwpegler
#5. To: Capitalist Eric (#4)
(Edited)
read the article, asshat.
"we must as a species go into a period of shrinkage that we have not experienced since the Dark Ages and the Black Plague" -- lucysmom
#6. To: jwpegler (#5)
felt it necessary because...
the things you post as "serious news" are every bit as loony tunes as this.
"I am relying on my personal experience with Morons, which have been universally positive." -jwpegler
#7. To: jwpegler (#3)
kooky nut job
#8. To: CZ82 (#0)
(Edited)
The star of Footloose, A Few Good Men, Mystic River and countless other films
"We (government) need to do a lot less, a lot sooner" ~Ron Paul
#9. To: hondo68 (#8)
Tremors was the best.
Top • Page Up • Full Thread • Page Down • Bottom/Latest
[Home] [Headlines] [Latest Articles] [Latest Comments] [Post] [Mail] [Sign-in] [Setup] [Help] [Register]