Humor
See other Humor Articles
Title: Satan Disappointed in Neocon Spawn
Source:
Strike The Root
URL Source: http://www.strike-the-root.com/cont ... atan-disappointed-neocon-spawn
Published: Apr 28, 2004
Author: Bob Wallace
Post Date: 2012-04-18 19:19:51 by Hondo68
Ping List: *The Two Parties ARE the Same* Subscribe to *The Two Parties ARE the Same*
Keywords: Pony League klutzes, recalled to Hell, chickenhawk armchair warrior
Views: 6312
Comments: 25
His Satanic Majesty Satan, aka Lucifer, aka Beelzebub, has recently expressed great disappointment in his current quasi-humanoid offspring, commonly known to the public as "neoconservatives." "I have been trying for thousands of years to get humanity to follow the Left-Hand Path, and these guys are the pits at helping me," he said disgustedly, in a recent interview. "I've been behind some major players--Pol Pot, Stalin, Hitler, Lincoln, FDR--and compared to them, these guys are buffoons. They couldn't even con the US administration into invading two insignificant little countries without fouling it up. I wanted millions dead, decades of war and murder and destruction, and trillions of dollars wasted. These punks couldn't even do that. The Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse? Try Pony League klutzes always dropping the ball!" Shaking his horned head sadly, Satan complained, "They had every chance. They conned people into believing they were rightists instead of leftists, they maligned patriots as traitors and convinced dunces it was true, they had the jug ear of the Alfred E. Newman who's the current President. And of best, they had a lot of the public unable to tell the difference between God's true laws and Man's foolish ones!" Looking very annoyed, Beelzebub explained, "I wanted the earth scorched, rivers of blood! What did I get? Two crummy little wars they've screwed up! They've blown all of it," said his Royal Foulness, rolling his eyes. "And now all of them are gonna pay." As a result, Satan said he is closing down his current "Sons of Satan" Earthly Tour, and has recalled the main players. "I certainly didn't expect to be recalled to Hell," commented a shocked and skeletal William Kristol, as he was being used as a toothpick to dislodge a chunk of Rush Limbaugh. "I always thought I was a good son--a cowardly, chickenhawk armchair warrior who called for more dead Americans, as long as I didn't have to fight. What more could Satan ask of one of his sons? I mean, how much more of a traitorous, back-stabbing weasel could I be? "You know what the most humiliating thing is?" he continued. "I'm down here with Osama bin Laden. It's like our Father thinks we're the same kind of guy." "This isn't fair at all," whined Douglas "Footstool" Feith, as Lucifer propped his smoking, cloven-hoofed goat-feet on his back. "I don't deserve this. I helped set up a shadow government in the Pentagon to distort intelligence to get the US into an unnecessary war! Doesn't that count for something around here?" "I've got it the worst of all," said a bitter Max "Commode" Boot, as Satan sniggered and gave him a swirly. "I called for more dead Americans in Afghanistan ! I hid the fact I was Russian and not American! I never served in the military and never had any intention of doing so! I was downright cowardly--and look how I'm being treated here!" "This is revolting," blubbered David Frum, tears streaming down his face, his bad haircut smoldering and then bursting into flames as Satan used him to pick his nose. "I wrote a book bamboozling the foolish into thinking there could be an end to evil! I was a scoundrel wrapping himself in the flag! I followed what Goethe said: 'The coward threatens when he is safe'! And this is what I get! Couldn't Dad at least send me back to Canada ?" "Why don't all of you shut up," sobbed Richard Perle and Paul Wolfowitz, used as Satan's "Charmin" and his handkerchief, respectively. "We were the main architects of the war. Think of all the dead and horribly wounded Americans! And now this! It's as unfair as can be!" "Quit your whining," admonished the Dark Lord, frowning at his cringing vassals, "or I'll give all of you a Satanic Wedgie. I gave you my Diabolical Ten Commandments to follow, and you morons couldn't even get a handful of simple rules right! Worship the Strange God of the State, murder, steal and tell lies against your neighbors, covet--and you clowns couldn't even get them right! Someone bring me a four-year-old! He couldn't do any worse than you jerks! "Why oh why oh why can't I find any competent villains anymore?" he asked in exasperation. "These guys are half-retarded, and that's the good half." When asked what his plans for the future were, Satan laughed and answered, "Why, the same as always. Get the human race to sacrifice to me through war, mass murder and massive destruction. I'll do what every tyrant does--attempt to conquer the world by pretending I and my minions are benefactors. The masses always fall for that little trick."
Poster Comment: Written in 2004, but just as true of the Obama administration today.
I'll do what every tyrant does--attempt to conquer the world by pretending I and my minions are benefactors. The masses always fall for that little trick."
Subscribe to *The Two Parties ARE the Same*
Post Comment Private Reply Ignore Thread
Top • Page Up • Full Thread • Page Down • Bottom/Latest
#1. To: hondo68 (#0)
(Edited)
Heh. The Neo-Cons certainly are leftist, or more accurately (and redundantly) left wing militarists. Scratch any leftist pining for centralized state power and you'll find a militarist -- Lenin, Trotsky, Stalin, Hitler, Churchill, Bush... They have been brilliant in using first social issues to expand the state and then ooga booga issues to go to war, further expanding state power over every aspect of our lives in the name of security. War is both useful for centralizing control and profitable for crony suppliers. Giant media companies are owned by the largest military suppliers in the world. That alone explains why Ron Paul doesn't get any decent coverage. Not that it's anything new. In the years prior to the civil war in the US, newspapers owned by slave and war profiteers published daily two minute hates to stir up war fever. There's nothing new under the sun.
You sound like an ol' pal of mine from a long, long time ago. You carry the same monicker, too. Ever hear of John Deere?
Nice try, JW. I can establish "Anthem's" prolific background with a couple of questions is all. And even if this Anthem is not an ol' Internet chum, he still posts well. Anthem, welcome to a small but not too bad forum.
Yep, one and the same. I've been out in the boondocks for several years. Never knew JD much, but butted heads with him in the early years about the construction of the place. Still, despite both our concerns the place was an information thoroughfare!
What did you think of JD? Did you like his policies? Did he establish faire and well-organized methods for common posting experiences? What was the goal of one of the largest forums on the planet? Do you remember my ol' picture? I remember yours, it was a hoot.
The above was my ol' pic, remember? You know the reason, correct?
I bring up JD .. because, I was invited. It became the world's largest forum of similar minds in all of Internet history. From John Deere | 03/24/2002 9:01:35 PM PST replied Dear Buckeroo: I last wrote to you a while ago to invite you to participate in a new project called LibertyForum. Since I last wrote to you, we have experienced tremendous growth in terms of the volume of discussion that is taking place there. Since your name is on our list of individuals that we were asked to extend specific invitations to, I am writing to extend one last invitation to you, before our membership policies change on March 31. In case you don’t remember the last invitation, let me give you a quick rundown on the project. LibertyForum has been under development since March of 2001. The project is a liberty oriented discussion board that incorporates features of slashdot.org and freerepublic.com. Although the site was founded by libertarians, we are first and foremost a liberty site dedicated to anyone that is truly interested in liberty. LibertyForum was developed to build a movement to help accelerate our return to liberty. We are not in competition with any other sites, no matter their political affiliation, and neither are we here to waste time through pointless turf battles. We are pro-liberty and are here to persuade people that liberty is the only viable choice for anyone that seeks a fulfilled life. BTW, many of our current members initially made remarks along these lines: “thanks, I’ll take a look, but I think I’ll stay where I am.” Only to have a complete change of heart once they get to our site. We have some of the finest minds there already, many of whom you will recognize, and if you are interested in cutting edge discussion and debate without a lot of noise or moderator interference, I urge you to join us. Here are some URLs you may be interested in: Test Home Page (in the process of being rearranged): - http://www.libertyforum.org/testing.shtml Main Index of topics: - http://www.libertyforum.org/wwwthreads.php Summary of Initial Vision, Goals and Mission Statement (Outlines our initial motivation for this project. You will need to register in order to read this and the following link): - http://www.libertyforum.org/showflat.php?Cat=&Board=mission&Number=4847 I look forward to seeing you there. Best Regards, JD P.S. Please keep in mind that LibertyForum is currently an “invitation only” site, and that you may not have immediate access to all features until we have verified your account. Also, when you sign up, be sure to look for a flashing envelope in the upper-left-hand-side of your screen. A flashing envelope means you have private mail waiting. Anthem - LibertyForum died. Do you know the reasons? Here is one of the only traces I have of you but it is from the nasty, LP chit-chat channel: How you doin', you ol' saddle tramp? I was wondering if that was you, Anthem. Always good to see you on-line posting good commentary; I haven't seen you in a few years. Hope all is well. Things are going excellent with a few exceptions such as the direction of this nation while my pocketbook is being pinched through "legal" tyranny paying for false wars around the world. Best Regards! Buckeroo buckeroo posted on 2005-09-24 22:16:39 ET http://libertypost.org/cgi-bin/readart.cgi?ArtNum=110452&Disp=33#C33 So, are you the REAL Anthem?
Yes, I'm the Anthem you know. See private reply.
Okay, I'll check it out. Thanks.
Good reply although you could have presented the info on the thread for publick viewing. I enjoy EVERYTHING stated in publick. John Deere died. Prior to his death, he set up a trust fund for month to month distributions of payments for continuing web site costs that continued until those same funds were exhausted; that is when LF was pulled. The funds lasted about three years. Although some may say that LF is no longer around under John Deere's personal philosophy, I think those that understood the experiment of the largest web based Internet chit-chat channel that was ever created should reflect that a great intellect considered experimental enthuse to arouse thought-provoking ideas, concepts and opinions. I shall post this same opinion on the publick board here at libertyflame in response to your earlier reply. Always good to see you, Anthem. Glad to see your health is intact and you are alive &kicking. buckeroo
Here's how it sits from my pov: I like to talk about ideas and facts that I can back up. I don't like to talk about myself in public. You asked me to present some proof of who I am, thus the private reply.
Thanks for the private reply.
Good point. It is rare that I find old friends on the Internet anymore. Why? The old days of chit-chat channels is a bygone era and for many reasons that meet a greater publick demand for data. Your ideas are prolific, particularly when stating concepts of and about individual rights as opposed to the status quo, which has occurred by some minions that find a sophomoric political phrase and re-express the same; some of us seriously contend that your opinion is the OPTIMUM method for publick control as the respect of individual rights, liberties and freedoms TRUMP the progressive methods for controlling the same. The goal is limitlessness or unlimited individual rights within the social or civil-minded consciousness lifting ourselves beyond any shackles of silly government restraint.
Shhhh. Don't tell nobody what I said. Lucy will get you if you do!
This forum is nothing but an insult fest. There's no exchange of info going on in the comments. Not interested.
LOL You seem to be pretty quick with the insults yourself.
Almost every country in the Middle East is awash in oil, and we have to side with the one that has nothing but joos. Goddamn, that was good thinkin'. Esso posted on 2012-01-13 7:37:56 ET
What did he say? I won't tell?
Anyone claiming to be an expert is selling something. I brandish my ignorance like a crucifix at vampires. Aaron Bady
ROTFL ... obviously you haven't met the forum's mascot, Mad Dog, just yet. He is our little puppy always begging for table scraps. Sometimes, in his playful growl, he barks and moans and snarls his teeth but his tail is always wagging.
We've been trying to get Stone to rename the forum to - Liberty's Flamefest What do you think?
Stop 'insulting' Mad Dog!! He's the perfect puppy for this site.
Almost every country in the Middle East is awash in oil, and we have to side with the one that has nothing but joos. Goddamn, that was good thinkin'. Esso posted on 2012-01-13 7:37:56 ET
What do you think? Anthem will get over it. He went up against Lucy and lost, and his pride is hurt. Losing to a woman I guess isn't a conservative value. And he insulted me right off the bat.
Almost every country in the Middle East is awash in oil, and we have to side with the one that has nothing but joos. Goddamn, that was good thinkin'. Esso posted on 2012-01-13 7:37:56 ET
LMAO! You women are such drama queens!
------------- I'm thinking about starting a webzine with a forum. Time is the problem, but I may just decide to sleep less for a while. I've been in touch with Neil about customizing his software. Also looking at blog software, although I probably would chafe at operational issues with any software.
I never did know what happened on that forum. I was around member #24 at the place and it was good until JD disappeared. Thanks for filling that void.
Never swear "allegiance" to anything other than the 'right to change your mind'!
#2. To: Anthem (#1)
#3. To: buckeroo (#2)
John Deere
Iran’s main drive for acquiring atomic weapons is not for use against Israel but as a deterrent against U.S. intervention -- Major General Zeevi Farkash, head of the Israeli Military Intelligence Directorate
#4. To: jwpegler, Anthem (#3)
#5. To: buckeroo (#2)
(Edited)
#6. To: Anthem (#5)
#7. To: Anthem (#5)
#8. To: Anthem (#5)
#33. To: Anthem (#24)
#9. To: buckeroo (#8)
#10. To: Anthem (#9)
See private reply.
#11. To: Anthem (#9)
#12. To: buckeroo (#11)
#13. To: Anthem (#12)
#14. To: Anthem (#12)
#15. To: Fred Mertz (#13)
#16. To: buckeroo, A K A Stone (#14)
#17. To: Anthem (#16)
This forum is nothing but an insult fest. There's no exchange of info going on in the comments. Not interested.
#18. To: Anthem, Fred Mertz (#15)
Don't tell nobody what I said. Lucy will get you if you do!
#19. To: Anthem, Mad Dog (#16)
This forum is nothing but an insult fest.
#20. To: Anthem (#16)
This forum is nothing but an insult fest.
#21. To: buckeroo (#19)
ROTFL ... obviously you haven't met the forum's mascot, Mad Dog, just yet. He is our little puppy always begging for table scraps. Sometimes, in his playful growl, he barks and moans and snarls his teeth but his tail is always wagging.
#22. To: Fred Mertz, Anthem, Lucysmom (#20)
We've been trying to get Stone to rename the forum to - Liberty's Flamefest
#23. To: mininggold (#22)
Anthem will get over it. He went up against Lucy and lost
#24. To: buckeroo (#11)
(Edited)
I'm sorry to hear that JD died. There has been a lot of wondering by his friends at LF what happened to him. Do you know the circumstances? Was he ill, or did he have and accident?
#25. To: buckeroo (#11)
Top • Page Up • Full Thread • Page Down • Bottom/Latest
[Home] [Headlines] [Latest Articles] [Latest Comments] [Post] [Mail] [Sign-in] [Setup] [Help] [Register]