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The Water Cooler Title: Sean Hannity's Gay Dating Website Yes, it's true. Sean Hannity has a website for conservative minded folks to date each other. It is called HANNIDATE. Gays are meeting each other there and (gulp) having sex. All this gay sex is thanks to Sean Hannity. HANNIDATE is the web version of Sean's popular dating segment he does on his conservative talk radio show. It turns out that Sean is not as conservative as everyone thinks. He might be against gay marriage, but he's not above lending a helping hand for gays to have out-of-wedlock one-night stands. (I consider this helping hand a reach-around) This makes Sean Hannity the most gay-friendly FOX NEWS host in the world. In fact this may make him a social liberal, far from a Values Driven Christian Conservative. Doing research on the internet for an article on the conservative media, I came across HANNIDATE and found it amusing that hard-core right wingers needed a special place to meet. I admit it's hard to see who is good-looking at a cross burning.(everyone is wearing a hood) So I clicked on the dating website and saw that there were two drop down menu options to choose from. "I am a man/woman seeking a man/woman." I knew that if I chose man seeking man, it would come up with an error saying that it was not possible to choose those options. This is Hannity's site after all. But to my surprise one person popped up on the results page. I gasped. It was a youngish looking kid with a spritely gaze and hazel hair. I thought, "What a poor kid. Since he's a fan of Sean, he has had to listen to tirades on the air against the homosexual agenda and at the same time come to grips with his own sexuality." I clicked on his personal ad and read it. Nothing he wrote said that he was gay and in fact it said that he was looking for a girl. So I wrote to him to find out if he knew that he had accidentally upon registration entered that he was looking for a man. I got no response, but his profile soon disappeared. My brained reeled. What could be done here? I could register as a man seeking man and be the only gay on Hannidate. Surely, some people would see it and be incensed. Surely some would be infuriated. I would ruin their little safe haven of their conservo-world. I could taint the whole website with my gayness. So I started to register. The site told me that no personal ad gets posted until it gets approved by the site's administrators. How were they going to react to an ad stating that I was definitely gay? I was after all trying to place this on one of the most conservative websites. Imagine trying to place a gay personal ad in a Baptist Church Bulletin. That's what I was up against. I tried my best not to make too many jokes so that it was obvious that I was having a laugh. I had to create a username and I chose "Letmebreakyourback." I then chose 'Atheist' as my religion (The first step in any successful Christian Conservative courtship). Under "about me" I wrote "I am a vibrant and enthusiastic gay male. I spent too many years in the closet because I have a wife and kids, LOL." -- I thought that being married with kids and wanting to shag around with atheist gay men would raise some tempers. I then thought I should say that the reason I was gay was because of Sean. "I had the strength to face the truth [that I was gay] by listening to Sean… Sean fights for freedom. My new life and freedom to express myself are thanks to him." Sean has a catchphrase, Let freedom ring. I used that. "Let Freedom ring! A wedding ring? In Massachusetts? LOL" In who I was looking for I put "someone cute and preferably in the military. I want to make a Grunt grunt and make a Seal bark." As to whether I was a top or bottom I said my favorite movie is My Big Fat Greek Entry. I also said that "I'm glad I'm gay because when it comes to sex, I think two heads are better than one." I ended with "I'd like to thank Sean personally for all the dates with men that I know will come flocking!" As the finishing touch, I added a real picture of me. So in a brief sketch, I had blamed him for causing my gayness and thanked him for getting me laid with members of the same sex. The more I looked at the ad, the more I realized it had no chance of being accepted by the censors. So I submitted it and a couple of days went by with no response. I'm sure their heads were spinning. What were they to do? Admit that they were going to discriminate against me? I then received an email saying that my profile was rejected due to "sexual remarks." I wanted to write back that the only thing sexual about my 'remark' was that I'd like to have sex with a Mark. However, I realized that this was going to be their way to keep me off the site. So I removed the Grunt and Seal jokes and resubmitted. The next day it came back approved. I was thrilled though a little befuddled. Time went by and no one wrote me. Then came some helpful advice in an email from AlQaedakilla4life: "Stay in the closet for your wife and kids, man!" I wrote back to see if AlQaedakilla was closeted because there was no way for him to have seen me unless he put in "man for man." No response. Then the floodgates opened. There are probably only a couple thousand HANNIDATE members, yet my profile has now been viewed over 5,100 times! How many repressed individuals are there hiding behind the banner of Neo-Conservative Values? I checked the site the next month and not only was I still there on the gay search results but so was another guy. Then there was another and another. We were growing. Over six months I chatted with some. One, we'll call Bill, was openly gay but said he didn't want the right of marriage. Could you imagine a black in the fifties extolling the virtues of a Colored-only water fountain? I'm real sure that Black water fountains were considered better because instead of being infused with fluoride they were mentholated. Over time, Bill told me that he met many camping buddies on Hannidate. (My first verification of actual gay sex happening because of Hannity) Bill said he's good at charming the wives before going off camping. Are all these married Republicans leaving the wife and kids to go camping while listening to Hannity's show? It's like Brokeback Mountain with Bibles, lots of guns, and a crappy AM radio. There are only a handful of gay personal ads. For Bill and the rest to get dates means that registered straight members are browsing men for men. Too bad I'm a chubby man because I should have been able to turn 5,000 page views into loads of dates for myself. Now some visitors to the site are Log Cabin Republicans. I know they are proud to call themselves that, but true Republicans thinks they are a disgrace and embarrassment to the party. Often considered 'Log in Colon' Republicans. I think saying you're a member of Log Cabin Republicans is like saying you're in the Atheist wing of the Christian Church. You're holding two contradictory statements in your head as true. If you offered a slave the right to vote, would he vote against abolition? He might because he's been so beaten down that he wasn't strong enough to face the reality that slavery isn't natural. Jump to the present and you'll see that these Log Cabin Republicans are acting like slaves whose spine has been broken. Why are they acting like they've been beaten. Being in the Republican party is not natural. It's a suicidal act. If you'd like an example of who they are buddying up with. Check out PatriotPaul on HANNIDATE. His profile has a picture of him with a gun and it says that "I shoot me some queers if I catch one of them suma******es." This quote is interesting because the website had him use asterisks to remove the word "bitches" but had no problem with the fact that he wants to shoot queers, liberals, wetbacks, and towel heads. You'd think there would be a law against inciting acts of racial violence. Oh yeah, it's called Hate Crime legislation. Now having read all of PatriotPaul's personal, I believe it to be a joke. He tries too hard to be a redneck Republican. But what is outrageous is that HANNIDATE chose to put him on the front page of their site as a Featured Profile on September 28th. The site administrators thought his profile about shooting queers and liberals was so good they proudly displayed it for all visitors to see. It's reprehensible and disgusting. So that was my decent into the world of Christian Conservative gay dating. I was hoping to be swept away in a private jet to some rich Republican's mansion, but all I got was a campfire offer of beanie-weenies. A big shout-out goes to Sean Hannity, who spends his hard earned money on a website so that like-minded and same-sex couples can meet, chat, and fornicate. Keep up the good work Sean. I'm sure most of your fans would totally approve. Here's the link to my ad And PatriotPaul Contact me at erikseannelson@gmail.com
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#1. To: A K A Stone (#0)
Just before the election, I asked a Repugnant Rep. running for re-election, if there were any Repugnants who were not sodomites. He didn't answer.
"If I thought this war was to abolish slavery, I would resign my commission, and offer my sword to the other side." --Ulysses S. Grant
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