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Humor
See other Humor Articles

Title: Wall Streeters Throw in the Towel
Source: American Spectator
URL Source: http://spectator.org/archives/2011/ ... wall-streeters-throw-in-the-to
Published: Nov 4, 2011
Author: Gerald Nachman
Post Date: 2011-11-05 17:21:28 by Happy Quanzaa
Keywords: Occutards, Wall Street, OWS
Views: 5073
Comments: 11

In case you haven't heard…


    Scores of financiers on Wall Street and at brokerage firms around the country have quickly surrendered in the face of further protests by the Occupy Wall Street movement.

    "We know when we're beat," said C. Lance Sherman III, seen leaving Goldman Sachs at the close of last Wednesday's trading. "I thought we could stand up to the protesters but it's pretty clear they've got us outnumbered." Sherman has decided to sell all of his own investments and open up a mom and pop grocery store in Teaneck. N.J. "I want to be closer to the people," he explained.

    Likewise, Hartley Van Tassell, a 63-year-old banker with the Bank of America, is resigning in disgust. "Listening to the Occupiers convinced me that my life spent making money has been totally useless, so I'm getting out of it after 40 years. I'm way too rich." One Wall Street financier, J.W. Bartholomew, has decided to hand back his $500,000 bonus this year and donate 10 percent of his income to a small neighborhood mortgage company. "I've finally seen the error of my ways," said Bartholomew as he left Trinity Church in downtown Manhattan.

    Trish Malone Frobisher, a guilt-ridden hedge fund manager at Morgan Stanley, lamented that she had made so much money when most of her friends were making less. "I've had it with being a greedy bastard," she said. "Next year I plan to do all I can to earn less money. I'm really sick of being among the wealthiest one percent of the country. Bleah!"

    Veteran Occupier Ned Schmitz exulted when told the news that so many Wall Street executives had finally seen the light. "I didn't realize we would have such an immediate impact," he said. "It just shows how much you can change people overnight if you really put your mind to it." Schmitz was surprised when a Wall Street firm offered him a job as a day trader, but he turned it down. "It would mean making a lot more money than my current job as bike messenger, and I'd have to give up my tent in the park. No way, pal!"

    Kevin T. Scrooge, CEO of Scrooge & Marley and great-great-great grandson of the venerable accounting firm's London founder, told reporters he was persuaded by the Occupiers' arguments to put his multi-billion dollar company up for sale on Craigslist and accept the lowest bid. "If I don't get a low enough offer, I'll just give away the company to Goodwill," said Scrooge as he skipped down Wall Street, whistling merrily.

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#1. To: Happy Quanzaa (#0)

That's almost as funny as all the goofy articles about veterans taking up with the smelly hippies.

calcon  posted on  2011-11-05   19:36:45 ET  Reply   Trace   Private Reply  


#2. To: Happy Quanzaa (#0)

One Wall Street financier, J.W. Bartholomew, has decided to hand back his $500,000 bonus this year and donate 10 percent of his income to a small neighborhood mortgage company. "I've finally seen the error of my ways," said Bartholomew as he left Trinity Church in downtown Manhattan.

What about those bonuses he made when he was screwing everyone else by betting on worthless securities? Shouldn't they give ALL that back too!?

NewsJunky  posted on  2011-11-05   19:40:45 ET  Reply   Trace   Private Reply  


#3. To: calcon (#1)

That's almost as funny as all the goofy articles about veterans taking up with the smelly hippies.

Veteran's should know that they would be much better off taking up with effete accountants.

"ROTFLMAO... Perfect! She longs... for someone to Teabag her. a man that squats on top of a women's face and lowers his genitals into her mouth during sex, known as "teabagging" She aches for it"... ~~~JWpegler. Head Tea Bagger and Tea Party supporter extraordinaire, explicitly expressing his fantasies in public about other posters.

mininggold  posted on  2011-11-05   20:28:46 ET  Reply   Trace   Private Reply  


#4. To: mininggold (#3)

Veteran's should know that they would be much better off taking up with effete accountants.

Or perhaps they could take up with some tired old crones.

calcon  posted on  2011-11-05   23:41:37 ET  Reply   Trace   Private Reply  


#5. To: calcon (#4)

Or perhaps they could take up with some tired old crones.

You shouldn't talk about our veteran's wives that way.

"ROTFLMAO... Perfect! She longs... for someone to Teabag her. a man that squats on top of a women's face and lowers his genitals into her mouth during sex, known as "teabagging" She aches for it"... ~~~JWpegler. Head Tea Bagger and Tea Party supporter extraordinaire, explicitly expressing his fantasies in public about other posters.

mininggold  posted on  2011-11-06   1:40:23 ET  Reply   Trace   Private Reply  


#6. To: NewsJunky (#2)

It's a spoof article, you idiot.

DUMMY DwarF: ...I'm eating a meatball...
Capitalist Eric: Foreplay before the president's staff?

"Whenver the dwarf sees something negative about a Democrat, he tries to change the topic of the thread to something else. Usually a personal attack, followed by mutterings about correct 'grammar' 'spelling' whatever. Anything he can think of to avoid a discussion about a Democrat screwing up or looking bad. It's a decade long pattern." --Badeye observation--

Capitalist Eric  posted on  2011-11-06   1:51:43 ET  Reply   Trace   Private Reply  


#7. To: Capitalist Eric, NewsJunky (#6)

It's a spoof article, you idiot.

They don't call them "libtards" for nothing. ;-)

Happy Quanzaa  posted on  2011-11-06   6:53:51 ET  Reply   Trace   Private Reply  


#8. To: Happy Quanzaa (#7)

It's a spoof article, you idiot.

They don't call them "libtards" for nothing. ;-)

Actually I'm surprised a few more of them didn't reply.......

Number of shallow, inadequate, hypocritical Leftards who have me on BOZO---3.......... That means I'm doing my job correctly !!!!!!!!! "CHANGE" you can step in..... My dogs have created more shovel ready jobs than the self appointed Messiah!!!

CZ82  posted on  2011-11-06   8:24:41 ET  Reply   Trace   Private Reply  


#9. To: mininggold (#5)

You shouldn't talk about our veteran's wives that way.

your veterans, what the f**k have you ever done for a vet other then badmouth them

your posting style is getting more and more like yukon's everyday

calcon  posted on  2011-11-06   10:44:43 ET  Reply   Trace   Private Reply  


#10. To: calcon (#9) (Edited)

your veterans, what the f**k have you ever done for a vet other then badmouth them

your posting style is getting more and more like yukon's everyday

I don't badmouth vets I just refuse to put them or anyone else for that matter on pedestals.

You really do seem to see a yukon behind every bush. I would see a shrink for that.

"ROTFLMAO... Perfect! She longs... for someone to Teabag her. a man that squats on top of a women's face and lowers his genitals into her mouth during sex, known as "teabagging" She aches for it"... ~~~JWpegler. Head Tea Bagger and Tea Party supporter extraordinaire, explicitly expressing his fantasies in public about other posters.

mininggold  posted on  2011-11-06   10:59:03 ET  Reply   Trace   Private Reply  


#11. To: mininggold (#10)

I would see a shrink for that.

Since your shrink has you in the patient category of "batshit crazy" i'm sure he will help you out with that.

calcon  posted on  2011-11-06   11:24:31 ET  Reply   Trace   Private Reply  


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