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Humor
See other Humor Articles

Title: Microsoft Introduces "Rightwingnuts" Font
Source: [None]
URL Source: http://open.salon.com/blog/jeanette ... roduces_new_rightwingnuts_font
Published: Sep 27, 2011
Author: Jeanette DeMain
Post Date: 2011-09-27 21:55:26 by Skip Intro
Keywords: None
Views: 9429
Comments: 28

In a bold move, Microsoft today unveiled a font that will now be available on all of its new computers, as well as being made available free of charge for uploading to existing PCs.

A Microsoft spokesman explained that, "In an effort help our more conservative Windows users save time when writing to, in their words, activist judges, overpaid government workers, leftist media outlets, misguided liberal relatives, and secretly Muslim and/or Communist elected officials, the new Rightwingnuts font will provide an unmistakable way to get their point across, as well as offering extra assistance with spelling, grammar, and punctuation."

"Now, in addition to the old tried-and-true Times New Roman, Tahoma, and Arial, and the wild-and-wacky Chiller, Stencil, and Magneto fonts, Rightwingnuts gives true patriots a way to quickly and forcefully make an impact on the, and again I'm using their words, latte-drinking, Prius-driving, baby-killing, gay-sexing, Face-Spacing, class-warfare-waging denizens of nanny-state America."

"Rightwingnuts font is, basically, just really big and really dark. All the time. No more having to use the Caps Lock key, a separate command for bolding, or changing the font size. This is the font equivalent of shouting, 'Get off my lawn!' to that kid with the tattoos and pierced ears. We think it will be a real hit with those on Medicare who want to keep the government out of our health care system, those who think that people like Lloyd Blankfein already pay too much in taxes, and those who think George Soros sacrifices goats to Beelzebub."

Other features of Rightwingnuts include:

Three exclamation points for every one the user types. Typing the letters "D-e-m" automatically results in "Democrap." Likewise, typing the letters "l-i-b" automatically results in "libtard," thus saving thousands of keystrokes per week.

The names of any Democratic elected officials will be underlined in red. When you run a spell check, the only offered alternative will be "Fascist." If you type in a temperature, it is automatically lowered to prove that global warming doesn't exist. (Warning: Using Rightwingnuts for recipes may result in undercooked food and subsequent death.)

Whenever the letter "O" appears in "Obama," it will have awesome little devil horns and a tail on it.

In Rightwingnuts, the words "Socialist," "Communist," and "Nazi" all mean exactly the same thing.

Names like "Reagan," "Bush," "Limbaugh," and "Hannity" automatically turn Republican red and, when you hold your cursor over them, angels sing. Frownie face always appears after the words "tax," "spend," "regulation," "union," and "Michael Moore."

If you ever deviate from the talking points, a cheery little paper clip will appear in the corner and ask if you really mean that. If you persist, the paper clip will actually hop out of the computer and stab you in the eye. (Clippy very angry!)

When asked if Apple had plans in the works for a similar font for Mac users, a spokesman replied that Apple wasn't aware of any rightwingnuts using its products. "With our more intuitive user platform, creative music and video applications, resistance to viruses, and top-notch customer support, rightwingers typically regard our product as vaguely sinister, foreign or gay. And we're OK with that."

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Begin Trace Mode for Comment # 19.

#5. To: Skip Intro (#0)

And you thought that DittoSphincts didn't take humor seriously...

war  posted on  2011-09-28   12:56:09 ET  Reply   Untrace   Trace   Private Reply  


#6. To: war (#5)

In Rightwingnuts, the words "Socialist," "Communist," and "Nazi" all mean exactly the same thing.

Now who can seriously argue with this?

Skip Intro  posted on  2011-09-28   13:37:35 ET  Reply   Untrace   Trace   Private Reply  


#7. To: Skip Intro, war (#6)

In Rightwingnuts, the words "Socialist," "Communist," and "Nazi" all mean exactly the same thing. Now who can seriously argue with this?

Hey skippy-doo

If you're neck is under the jack-boot of one of your statist heros, it really doesn't matter if it has a swastika or hammer-and-sickle on its heel, does it?

Get Outta Dodge!  posted on  2011-09-28   13:44:37 ET  Reply   Untrace   Trace   Private Reply  


#13. To: Get Outta Dodge!, Skip Intro, war, lucysmom (#7)

Hey skippy-doo

If you're neck is under the jack-boot of one of your statist heros, it really doesn't matter if it has a swastika or hammer-and-sickle on its heel, does it?

Game. Set. Match.

Liberator  posted on  2011-09-28   14:22:05 ET  Reply   Untrace   Trace   Private Reply  


#14. To: Liberator, badeye, skip intro (#13)

Sorry...but the role of Boofer has already been taken...

war  posted on  2011-09-28   14:30:33 ET  Reply   Untrace   Trace   Private Reply  


#16. To: war (#14) (Edited)

Sorry...but the role of Boofer has already been taken...

Lol....(??)

But anyway, is there an expiration date on your 0bama Fetish-Tribute Photo? Can't you switch to David Cassidy - a REAL teen idol?

Liberator  posted on  2011-09-28   14:36:16 ET  Reply   Untrace   Trace   Private Reply  


#17. To: Liberator (#16)

It just got extended...

Still a berfer Libby? Or is that just one more thaing on your that's shriveled?

war  posted on  2011-09-28   14:37:54 ET  Reply   Untrace   Trace   Private Reply  


#18. To: war (#17) (Edited)

It just got extended...

Ugghh....

Still a berfer Libby?

Are you questioning whether I believe 0bama has ANY legit documentation of his birf? Of course not. You mean you actually buy it? AND the rest of his phantom documentation of his phantom accomplishments of his phantom life?

You know, SOME cynicism is healthy. But I realize you're an obedient statist and dreamer at heart, so I get you.

Or is that just one more thaing on your that's shriveled?

If I didn't know any better, I'd suspect you were hitting on me. You're not going "yukon" on us, are you?

Lol...

Liberator  posted on  2011-09-28   14:48:03 ET  Reply   Untrace   Trace   Private Reply  


#19. To: Liberator (#18)

If I didn't know any better, I'd suspect you were hitting on me.

Hell no...you're not the kind of soft I had in mind...

But it's hilarious that you're still a Berfer...

war  posted on  2011-09-28   14:57:20 ET  Reply   Untrace   Trace   Private Reply  


Replies to Comment # 19.

#20. To: war (#19)

But it's hilarious that you're still a Berfer...

You can tell a birther, but you can't tell him much.

lucysmom  posted on  2011-09-28 16:07:01 ET  Reply   Untrace   Trace   Private Reply  


#21. To: war, Liberator (#19)

Lube's a birther?

This is for him.

Photographic Evidence that Barack Obama is a Human/Reptilian Hybrid, Part 1

http://educate-yourself.org/cn/baracksoetorofamilyphoto16sep08.shtml

Skip Intro  posted on  2011-09-28 16:13:53 ET  Reply   Untrace   Trace   Private Reply  


#26. To: war (#19)

It's hilarious that you're still a Berfer...

I know. And what's even more hilarious is you believing every bit of elephant sh*t 0bama dumps on your head....oh...I know - it's really feels just a brotherly pat on your head, right?

Liberator  posted on  2011-09-30 00:37:41 ET  Reply   Untrace   Trace   Private Reply  


End Trace Mode for Comment # 19.

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