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Title: Sex Declared Illegal in the State of Florida
Source:
politics.gather.com
URL Source: http://politics.gather.com/viewArti ... tion?articleId=281474979317327
Published: Jun 12, 2011
Author: Hope Carson
Post Date: 2011-06-12 09:15:49 by Ferret Mike
Keywords: None
Views: 105
Comments: 4
Sex has been declared illegal in Florida. A poorly worded piece of legislation has inadvertently rendered engaging in sexual activity synonymous with the commission of a crime. Sexually active adults headed for the ironically phallically-shaped state had better change their travel plans. And those Florida residents now engaging even sporadically or, God forbid, regularly in sexual contact had better stop, cease, and desist immediately or suffer the consequences. Yes, somebody goofed. An obviously taxonomically challenged elected official has, with an ineptly worded "miasma of a law" made it illegal, effective October 1, 2011, for people--even married consenting adults--to have sexual congress within Florida's state boundaries. The recently passed law states the following: "An act relating to sexual activities involving animals; creating s. 828.126, F.S.; providing definitions; prohibiting knowing sexual conduct or sexual contact with an animal; prohibiting specified related activities; providing penalties; providing that the act does not apply to certain husbandry, conformation judging, and veterinary practices; providing an effective date." Sounds officious enough, and it seems to cover all the bases. Except one: the definition of the word animal, which just happens to be: "an·i·mal/ÈanYmYl/ Noun: A living organism that feeds on organic matter, typically having specialized sense organs and nervous system and able to respond rapidly to stimuli." Obviously the law was an originally well-intentioned attempt to punish perverts who practice bestiality and other forms of animal abuse. Unfortunately, by the above universally accepted definition, human beings are animals. Therefore according to the law's faulty wording, human-on-human sexual activity will be as illegal as bestiality. Oopsies. Looks like whoever wrote that law has got some 'splainin' to do. Oh well, if you happen to get caught fornicating in Florida this fall, you can always try to get a veterinarian or "livestock breeder" to cover for you by testifying that you've abided by "accepted animal husbandry practices, conformation judging practices, or accepted veterinary medical practices." Or you can just jump bail and move to another state. Note: Wasn't there an old saying about "when sex is outlawed only outlaws will have sex?" Maybe that time has already arrived.
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#1. To: Ferret Mike (#0)
(Edited)
I judged horseshows at one time and assisted at many vet exams, maybe I can give exemptions.
Oh no; a foul Foley fornicating with a foal in the land of Anita Bryant. I knew it would come to that in that state. It's zero tolerance at work here you know. And isn't zero tolerance a good thing for the homeland? Florida is always so ahead of it's time. It's about time someone passed a law that will inevitably be broken more than anti-cannabis legal sanctions.
I would only give exemptions allowing copulation rights to those of the same species.
Sounds like a sound policy. Though the Scientologists who have a headquarters in Florida deal with intergalactic transfers of souls by blowing up aliens at volcanoes. So in deference to them, you might be lenient in regards to humans wanting to marry blighted alien souls handicapped from reincarnation by the always evil Emperor Xenu. Otherwise thugs from Clearwater Florida -- that could even be part of the compromised city police force -- might hunt you down and torture you with arcane personality tests. When you deal with Florida, you have the jumbo sized version of the proverbial Star Wars bar scene.
#2. To: mininggold (#1)
#3. To: Ferret Mike (#2)
Oh no; a foul Foley fornicating with a foal in the land of Anita Bryant.
#4. To: mininggold (#3)
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