You might be a left head, if ... James Lewis
Remember redneck jokes? Blonde jokes? Polish jokes? So --- why don't we have leftie jokes? The United States is infested by out-of-control lefties swarming around the media like body lice. Why don't we scratch where it itches?
To start making up for our humor deficit, here are a few starting ideas. Please add your own. Extra points for funny.
"You might be a left head if...
•You can't tell "it's" from "its."
•Your mind cuts out after one tweet a day.
•You think "like" is part of English grammar.
•You believe Jerk Rap is better than Mozart.
•You feel sure that 2 + 2 equals 5 in some cultures.
•You think snowstorms prove global warming.
•You believe God is dead but Karl Marx lives.
•You secretly think human history started when you woke up in high school.
•You've had at least twelve years of education, but you can't read, write, add, subtract, multiply or divide, or make any sense.
•Your eyes glaze over when somebody talks facts and logic.
•You never liked history because it has too many dates.
•You're twelve years old and feel ready to have a baby.
•You think undocumented immigrants lost their documents someplace.
•You think blacks can't be racists.
•You consider Al Sharpton to be a spiritual leader.
•You want to spend your life doing good for humanity, but you can't stand math, science, business, accounting, agriculture, economics or engineering. Or work.
•You think the Nazis were conservatives.
•You're sure you're a Progressive but can't explain what that means. If anything.
•You believe Karl Marx gave human rights to women, blacks, and gays.
•You think the Soviet Union was a good idea.
•You think the most intellectually stuck president in history is a genius.
•You think ObamaCare will balance the budget.
•You think Bill Maher is funny.
•You think race baiting is a perfectly good political argument.
•You believe anything in the New York Times. Anything. A-n-y-t-h-i-n-g.
•You know in your heart that people who don't agree with you are evil, racist, sexist, gay-hating, and Islamophobes.
•You think America deserved 9/11.
•You're scared about Islamophobia, but not about suicide bombers with nukes.
•You believe Christians should not be allowed to criticize Muslims.
•You think it's ok for Hamas to kill families in Israel, but it's not ok for Israel to strike Hamas.
•You think that all drugs should be legalized, because people will use less of them if they're cheap and legal.
•You think Christians are evil, but Muslim terrorists deserve more sympathy and understanding.
•You think the media tell the truth.
•You think Obama never tells a lie.
Next time:
How to be a media-celebrated idiot savant.
