Humor
See other Humor Articles
Title: Ladies, shaving and driving don't mix
Source:
PostStar
URL Source: http://poststar.com/lifestyles/colu ... b8-11df-ae3d-001cc4c03286.html
Published: Apr 30, 2011
Author: Celia Rivenbark
Post Date: 2011-04-30 09:00:47 by CZ82
Keywords: None
Views: 10549
Comments: 13
Ladies, shaving and driving don't mix Wednesday, March 24, 2010 10:44 pm Font Size:Default font sizeLarger font size.By now I'm sure that most of you have heard about the Florida woman who caused a two-vehicle wreck because she was shaving her bikini area while driving. Guess that makes the time you drove with your elbows while eating a Whopper seem downright virtuous, doesn't it? Florida Highway Patrol troopers said the car Megan Barnes was driving crashed into the back of a pickup truck at about 45 mph. Her reaction time was slowed down because she was too busy grooming her hoohah to pay attention to the road. Oh, like that's never happened to you? Ms. Barnes told the investigating officer that she was on her way to a date and "wanted to be ready for the visit." Yes, she wanted to look her best. All over. Except, well, we've seen Ms. Barnes' mug shot and she appears to have a face that would stop a clock and raise hell with small watches, bless her heart. To be blunt, I don't think a perfectly groomed love rug could possibly make that much difference. It could've been worse, I suppose. Ms. Barnes could've been waxing her bikini area as she drove along in her T-bird (Yes, fun, fun, fun till the po-lice took her T-bird awaaaaaayy) on those scenic bridges. Imagine the horror if she'd tossed the used wax strips out the window. The manatees might have tried to adopt them. Hons, I've driven on this particular stretch of highway between Miami and Key West and it's flat-out beautiful with crystal blue water, gorgeous mangroves and cloudless skies. Not once have I been so bored that I decided I'd rather drag a sharp blade over my nether regions just to have something to do. There are so many "You might be a redneck if" elements to the story of Megan Barnes, but my favorite is that, while performing this extremely personal grooming ritual, she asked her EX HUSBAND to steer the car so she could concentrate ("Help me out, Buford, I'm gonna make it look like a LIGHTNING BOLT!") What a guy! Not only did he hold the steering wheel so she could concentrate on primping for her big date with ANOTHER MAN, but when the cops arrived, he tried to switch places and claim he'd been driving. Trouble was, he had burns on his chest from the airbag that had deployed on THE PASSENGER SIDE ONLY. Oops. To no one's particular surprise, the Highway Patrol quickly discovered that Ms. Barnes didn't have a valid driver's license. Oh, and, the day before, she'd been convicted of DUI and driving with a suspended license. Oh, and her car had been seized and had no insurance or registration. Oh, and she was on probation. Oh, and SHE'S A FLIPPIN' LUNATIC! Albeit an impeccably groomed one. Celia Rivenbark's newest book, "You Can't Drink All Day If You Don't Start in the Morning," is available nationwide. Visit www.celiarivenbark.com for details.
Poster Comment: (shaking my head slowly back and forth)...... LOL.....
Post Comment Private Reply Ignore Thread
Top • Page Up • Full Thread • Page Down • Bottom/Latest
#1. To: CZ82 (#0)
(Edited)
Shaving is over-rated anyway, in my opinion. I don't know. I go back and forth on this issue.
------------------------------------- Gives new meaning to: This is your brain- on crack.
They make blow up dolls with those options now? Interesting. :)
Interesting. :) So I'm curious as to how you know that????? LOL........
"I love the 45 caliber M1911, I respect the 9MM M9 Beretta but I only carry a CZ for my own personal protection". Quote courtesy of Lt Col John Dean Cooper, recognized as the Father of Modern Handgunning (_*_)
Well it leaves nothing for the imagination.....
"I love the 45 caliber M1911, I respect the 9MM M9 Beretta but I only carry a CZ for my own personal protection". Quote courtesy of Lt Col John Dean Cooper, recognized as the Father of Modern Handgunning (_*_)
About Bif not being able to get a real lady- OR about girlys shaving their *bikini area*? :)
No, you vapid cow, I was talking about plowing my tongue through a mound of soaking hair. Sometimes I like it and sometimes I like it the other way. As I said, I go back and forth.
------------------------------------- :) No... about the blowup dolls having that option..... LOL....
"I love the 45 caliber M1911, I respect the 9MM M9 Beretta but I only carry a CZ for my own personal protection". Quote courtesy of Lt Col John Dean Cooper, recognized as the Father of Modern Handgunning (_*_)
Umhmm.. Sorry Bif. We girls know these things. You are either gay- or you are a sexually frustrated virgin. Either way you are one who has watched a whole bunch of cyber porn and think you can take into context. It looks so silly. :)
OH! Well, I know men who can't get a date- and are afraid their mommies will catch them with a call girl- can get a blow up doll. I know about a lot of fetishes. :) Just because I love Jesus, doesn't mean I don't know which way the wind blows! :) I have had a WHOLE, full life... Trust me. ;) lol...
LOL..... that was good....LOL.....
"I love the 45 caliber M1911, I respect the 9MM M9 Beretta but I only carry a CZ for my own personal protection". Quote courtesy of Lt Col John Dean Cooper, recognized as the Father of Modern Handgunning (_*_)
I have had a WHOLE, full life... Trust me. ;) lol We'll just leave that hanging out there .....
------------------------------------- :big grin:
Why don't you make like a tree and get out of here?
#2. To: CZ82 (#0)
#3. To: Biff Tannen (#1)
#4. To: diva betsy ross (#3)
They make blow up dolls with those options now?
#5. To: Biff Tannen (#1)
Shaving is over-rated anyway, in my opinion.
#6. To: CZ82 (#4)
#7. To: diva betsy ross (#3)
Why don't you make like a tree and get out of here?
#8. To: diva betsy ross (#6)
About Bif not being able to get a real lady- OR about girlys shaving their *bikini area*?
#9. To: Biff Tannen (#7)
#10. To: CZ82 (#8)
#11. To: diva betsy ross (#10)
Just because I love Jesus, doesn't mean I don't know which way the wind blows! :)
#12. To: diva betsy ross (#10)
I know men who can't get a date- and are afraid their mommies will catch them with a call girl- can get a blow up doll. I know about a lot of fetishes.
Why don't you make like a tree and get out of here?
#13. To: CZ82 (#11)
Top • Page Up • Full Thread • Page Down • Bottom/Latest
[Home] [Headlines] [Latest Articles] [Latest Comments] [Post] [Mail] [Sign-in] [Setup] [Help] [Register]