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Humor
See other Humor Articles

Title: New Definitons
Source: E-Mail
URL Source: http://N/A
Published: Apr 12, 2011
Author: None
Post Date: 2011-04-12 19:36:31 by CZ82
Keywords: None
Views: 106904
Comments: 143

The Washington Post's Mensa Invitational once again invited readers to take any word from the dictionary, alter it by adding, subtracting, or changing one letter, and supply a new definition.

Here are the winners:

1. Cashtration (n.): The act of buying a house, which renders the subject

financially impotent for an indefinite period of time.

2. Ignoranus : A person who's both stupid and an asshole.

3. Intaxicaton : Euphoria at getting a tax refund, which lasts until you

realize it was your money to start with.

4. Reintarnation : Coming back to life as a hillbilly.

5. Bozone ( n.): The substance surrounding stupid people that stops bright

ideas from penetrating. The bozone layer, unfortunately, shows little sign

of breaking down in the near future.

6. Foreploy : Any misrepresentation about yourself for the purpose of

getting laid..

7. Giraffiti : Vandalism spray-painted very, very high

8. Sarchasm : The gulf between the author of sarcastic wit and the person

who doesn't get it.

9. Inoculatte : To take coffee intravenously when you are running late.

10. Osteopornosis : A degenerate disease. (This one got extra credit.)

11. Karmageddon : It's like, when everybody is sending off all these

really bad vibes, right? And then, like, the Earth explodes and it's like, a

serious bummer.

12. Decafalon (n.): The grueling event of getting through the day

consuming only things that are good for you.

13. Glibido : All talk and no action.

14. Dopeler Effect : The tendency of stupid ideas to seem smarter when they

come at you rapidly.

15. Arachnoleptic Fit (n.): The frantic dance performed just after you've

accidentally walked through a spider web.

16. Beelzebug (n.): Satan in the form of a mosquito, that gets into your

bedroom at three in the morning and cannot be cast out.

17. Caterpallor ( n.): The color you turn after finding half a worm in the

fruit you're eating.

The Washington Post has also published the winning submissions to its yearly

contest, in which readers are asked to supply alternate meanings for common

words.

And the winners are:

1. Coffee , n. The person upon whom one coughs.

2. Flabbergasted , adj. Appalled by discovering how much weight one has

gained.

3. Abdicate , v. To give up all hope of ever having a flat stomach.

4. Esplanade , v. To attempt an explanation while drunk.

5. Willy-nilly , adj. Impotent.

6. Negligent , adj. Absentmindedly answering the door when wearing only a

nightgown.

7. Lymph , v. To walk with a lisp.

8. Gargoyle , n. Olive-flavored mouthwash.

9. Flatulence , n. Emergency vehicle that picks up someone who has been run

over by a steamroller.

10. Balderdash , n. A rapidly receding hairline.

11. Testicle , n. A humorous question on an exam.

12. Rectitude , n. The formal, dignified bearing adopted by proctologists.

13. Pokemon , n. A Rastafarian proctologist.

14. Oyster , n. A person who sprinkles his conversation with Yiddishisms.

15. Frisbeetarianism , n. The belief that, after death, the soul flies up

onto the roof and gets stuck there.

16. Circumvent , n. An opening in the front of boxer shorts worn by Jewish

men


Poster Comment:

5. Bozone ( n.): The substance surrounding stupid people that stops bright

ideas from penetrating. The bozone layer, unfortunately, shows little sign

of breaking down in the near future.

Isn't this where the Liberals live?????

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Comments (1-97) not displayed.
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#98. To: Wood_Chopper, all (#96)

Go back to LP, where you're protected by Goldi's skirts.

When you people are ripping me and saying I protect people. Make sure you say that you are being protected by Stones "muscles".

A K A Stone  posted on  2011-04-14   1:28:23 ET  Reply   Trace   Private Reply  


#99. To: Wood_Chopper (#94)

Didn't I see you playing a banjo in the movie "Deliverance"???

Nah, I was Burt Reynolds.

OriginalGatlin  posted on  2011-04-14   1:28:39 ET  Reply   Trace   Private Reply  


#100. To: A K A Stone (#98)

When you people are ripping me and saying I protect people. Make sure you say that you are being protected by Stones "muscles".

You'll be the first I ping to it, should it ever occur.

And the sheep will bleat their submission,
Seeing the others as fools,
Not knowing nor even caring,
They've become no more than tools.

Burma Shave.

Wood_Chopper  posted on  2011-04-14   1:30:08 ET  Reply   Trace   Private Reply  


#101. To: Wood_Chopper (#94)

... since I spent hours exposing you guys last night???

Better you "attempt" to expose us ... than to continue exposing yourself in public parks.

Ya think ...

OriginalGatlin  posted on  2011-04-14   1:30:12 ET  Reply   Trace   Private Reply  


#102. To: Tater (#101)

see #96.

And the sheep will bleat their submission,
Seeing the others as fools,
Not knowing nor even caring,
They've become no more than tools.

Burma Shave.

Wood_Chopper  posted on  2011-04-14   1:32:27 ET  Reply   Trace   Private Reply  


#103. To: Wood_Chopper, Zesta, yukon (#96)

all of it, has been exposed.

I didn't know you were playing that close attention to my zipper.

You stop it now ... ya hear, just stop it.

lol (sorry Zesta ... yukon made me do that).

OriginalGatlin  posted on  2011-04-14   1:32:30 ET  Reply   Trace   Private Reply  


#104. To: Wood_Chopper (#102)

see #96.

Nah, I am not interested in seeing "96" ... "69" woud be far better.

I hate that back to back stuff ...

We can stop this anytime you wish to ... just let me know when you are ready.

OriginalGatlin  posted on  2011-04-14   1:35:33 ET  Reply   Trace   Private Reply  


#105. To: A K A Stone (#77)

I would say that your problem here is not all that unusual. In every forum I've ever been on the pointless "flame-fight" threads get all the play. ("I'll admit to posting a couple of them but I really feel that Goldi's version of the Snooker-Thon was a relevant issue because she was asking for checks made out so that anybody and their dog could cash them and that was basically my reason for posting them.)

Photobucket
The Fed EXPOSED!!! The FARO RESERVE BANK!!!

Coral Snake  posted on  2011-04-14   1:36:15 ET  Reply   Trace   Private Reply  


#106. To: Wood_Chopper (#104)

Would you still like to learn about my distinguished military career?

You were asking about it last night.

OriginalGatlin  posted on  2011-04-14   1:37:06 ET  Reply   Trace   Private Reply  


#107. To: Tater (#103)

again, see post #96.

You're powerless here at LF.

Go back to LP and hide behind Goldi's skirts.

And the sheep will bleat their submission,
Seeing the others as fools,
Not knowing nor even caring,
They've become no more than tools.

Burma Shave.

Wood_Chopper  posted on  2011-04-14   1:37:50 ET  Reply   Trace   Private Reply  


#108. To: Wood_Chopper (#107)

again, see post #96.

Nah, AGAIN ... not interested.

OriginalGatlin  posted on  2011-04-14   1:38:40 ET  Reply   Trace   Private Reply  


#109. To: Wood_Chopper (#107)

You're powerless here at LF.

Who wants power when they have charm, personality and money?

OriginalGatlin  posted on  2011-04-14   1:39:28 ET  Reply   Trace   Private Reply  


#110. To: Wood_Chopper (#107)

And the sheep will bleat their submission,

Baaaah Baaaah ... I think your sheep need attending to.

OriginalGatlin  posted on  2011-04-14   1:40:23 ET  Reply   Trace   Private Reply  


#111. To: Tater (#109)

Who wants power when they have charm, personality and money?

My work here is finished.

And the sheep will bleat their submission,
Seeing the others as fools,
Not knowing nor even caring,
They've become no more than tools.

Burma Shave.

Wood_Chopper  posted on  2011-04-14   1:42:17 ET  Reply   Trace   Private Reply  


#112. To: Wood_Chopper (#107)

... Go back to LP and hide behind Goldi's skirts.

Why, you wanna play "peek-a-boo?"

Okay ... I'll play your silly game with you.

Goo Goo Dah ... peek-a-boo.

There, happy now.

Then take your "pacifier" and go to beddy-bye

OriginalGatlin  posted on  2011-04-14   1:44:15 ET  Reply   Trace   Private Reply  


#113. To: Wood_Chopper (#111)

My work here is finished.

Finished?

You work never started ... it was a flameout, but you wouldn't know about that sorta thing. Would you?

OriginalGatlin  posted on  2011-04-14   1:45:13 ET  Reply   Trace   Private Reply  


#114. To: Wood_Chopper (#111)

My work here is finished.

Ya cum bak ... ya hear!

OriginalGatlin  posted on  2011-04-14   1:46:14 ET  Reply   Trace   Private Reply  


#115. To: Wood_Chopper (#76)

yucon,v. attempt to bullshit someone. example: "He yuconed everyone, but they laughed in his face."

Laughs.

Oh, that's a keeper!

Bill D Berger  posted on  2011-04-14   7:15:02 ET  Reply   Trace   Private Reply  


#116. To: yukon, Wood_Chopper (#75) (Edited)

The vast majority are NOT buying your "I wuz haCked" FAIRY tale, and are getting quite a kick out of watching you squirm through your various attempts to vilify anyone not buying it.

ROTFLOLAY! Have you been contracting CNN for polling? Let's see the results, dipwad!

What do you say we take a poll?

libertysflame.com/cgi-bin...t.cgi?ArtNum=19585&Disp=0

Bill D Berger  posted on  2011-04-14   7:18:53 ET  Reply   Trace   Private Reply  


#117. To: Bill D Berger (#116)

looks like you found something to keep yukon busy all day.

And the sheep will bleat their submission,
Seeing the others as fools,
Not knowing nor even caring,
They've become no more than tools.

Burma Shave.

Wood_Chopper  posted on  2011-04-14   7:53:52 ET  Reply   Trace   Private Reply  


#118. To: Wood_Chopper (#117)

looks like you found something to keep yukon busy all day.

Apparently Goldi-Stone didn't want to see the results of the poll I posted.

It's been deleted.

Bill D Berger  posted on  2011-04-14   7:59:02 ET  Reply   Trace   Private Reply  


#119. To: Bill D Berger (#116)

I am 100% certain that he was not hacked.

America...My Kind Of Place...

war  posted on  2011-04-14   8:10:34 ET  Reply   Trace   Private Reply  


#120. To: war (#119)

I am 100% certain that he was not hacked.

So am I, and so are 90% of the posters here, which is probably why Stone took down the poll.

Bill D Berger  posted on  2011-04-14   8:18:14 ET  Reply   Trace   Private Reply  


#121. To: Bill D Berger. A K A Stone (#118)

looks like you found something to keep yukon busy all day. Apparently Goldi-Stone didn't want to see the results of the poll I posted.

It's been deleted

It should be obvious to you that Stone has had enough of the "stirring the pot crap" ... as have I and others.

It is far past time to let the obsessed vendetta fade into the sunset ... to return never more.

OriginalGatlin  posted on  2011-04-14   8:19:25 ET  Reply   Trace   Private Reply  


#122. To: war, A K A Stone (#119)

I am 100% certain that he was not hacked.

I am 100% certain that he was hacked.

Stone said also said that it was his opinion that he was hacked.

OriginalGatlin  posted on  2011-04-14   8:21:14 ET  Reply   Trace   Private Reply  


#123. To: Bill D Berger (#120)

So am I, and so are 90% of the posters here, which is probably why Stone took down the poll.

Unproven statement ... purely personal conjecture masked to support a biased opinion.

... "probably" ... "maybe" ... "could be" ...

Facts, Watson, just the facts!

OriginalGatlin  posted on  2011-04-14   8:24:12 ET  Reply   Trace   Private Reply  


#124. To: Tater (#121)

It should be obvious to you that Stone has had enough of the "stirring the pot crap" ...

You know what?

That poll would have settled the question once and for all.

Bill D Berger  posted on  2011-04-14   8:24:30 ET  Reply   Trace   Private Reply  


#125. To: Wood_Chopper (#117)

looks like you found something to keep yukon busy all day.

Looks like the Wood_Chopper chops more than "wood."

The Wood_Chopper just chopped of his tongue ... the poll has been removed.

ROTFLMAO ...

OriginalGatlin  posted on  2011-04-14   8:26:36 ET  Reply   Trace   Private Reply  


#126. To: Tater (#123)

Unproven statement ...

The only ones who support the ludicrous assertion that yukon was "hacked" are you, harrowup, 22rifle, stone and of course yukon.

The rest of us have enough intelligence to see through the sham.

Bill D Berger  posted on  2011-04-14   8:27:38 ET  Reply   Trace   Private Reply  


#127. To: Bill D Berger (#124)

You know what?

That poll would have settled the question once and for all.

I know a multitude of "what's" ... but that "ain't" one of them.

It would have settled nothing ... it would only have proven that biased people have a bias.

Elementary, my Dear Watson, elementary.

Which is where you should be, in elementary school ... aren't you late already?

OriginalGatlin  posted on  2011-04-14   8:28:58 ET  Reply   Trace   Private Reply  


#128. To: Bill D Berger (#126) (Edited)

The only ones who support the ludicrous assertion that yukon was "hacked" are you, harrowup, 22rifle, stone and of course yukon.

The only ones who cannot prove Goldi, Stone and yukon wrong in their truthful assertion that yukon was "hacked" are you and ... ... ... ... ...

The rest of us have superior intelligence to see the biased hatred in your agenda.

Yours still is an Unproven Statement and will remain for eternity that way ...

OriginalGatlin  posted on  2011-04-14   8:32:15 ET  Reply   Trace   Private Reply  


#129. To: Tater, A K A Stone (#122)

Stone said also said that it was his opinion that he was hacked.

Stone should have more than an opinion on it.

But Stone, for some odd reason, has decided to extend some sense of the humanitarian to Yukon.

So Be It.

You still doing the 05huundred deal, Sir? Impressive...

America...My Kind Of Place...

war  posted on  2011-04-14   8:34:23 ET  Reply   Trace   Private Reply  


#130. To: Tater (#121)

You're a riot!!!!

"OK everybody, it's time to stop all this crap about yukon. Oh, and yukon was hacked."

And the sheep will bleat their submission,
Seeing the others as fools,
Not knowing nor even caring,
They've become no more than tools.

Burma Shave.

Wood_Chopper  posted on  2011-04-14   8:34:29 ET  Reply   Trace   Private Reply  


#131. To: Wood_Chopper (#130)

You're a riot!!!!

"OK everybody, it's time to stop all this crap about yukon. Oh, and yukon was hacked."

Nope, I am a controller of "riots."

Glad to see you have now finally realized the TRUTH.

OriginalGatlin  posted on  2011-04-14   8:37:11 ET  Reply   Trace   Private Reply  


#132. To: war (#129) (Edited)

You still doing the 05huundred deal, Sir? Impressive...

Market opens in one hour ... early bird and all that jazz.

It's time for me to start the daily buy/sell routine.

OriginalGatlin  posted on  2011-04-14   8:38:54 ET  Reply   Trace   Private Reply  


#133. To: Bill D Berger, We The People, Murron (#126)

The only ones who support the ludicrous assertion that yukon was "hacked" are you, harrowup, 22rifle, stone and of course yukon.

Nope. We The People said it was true and forget it and move on; you also forgot Murron.

There aren't any other posters with the intelligence to know.

harrowup  posted on  2011-04-14   8:41:07 ET  Reply   Trace   Private Reply  


#134. To: harrowup (#133)

Nope. We The People said it was true and forget it and move on; you also forgot Murron.

Gee, then why take down the poll?

Bill D Berger  posted on  2011-04-14   8:51:43 ET  Reply   Trace   Private Reply  


#135. To: Bill D Berger (#134)

There aren't any other posters with the intelligence to know.

I hate to have to repeat myself.

Gotta go folks; tractor needs repair.

harrowup  posted on  2011-04-14   8:56:16 ET  Reply   Trace   Private Reply  


#136. To: Tater (#132)

I had most of my of my stuff done by 7:15...so much in the MM's is done by 8AM any more. Then my WC accounts will be come around in a few minutes...

But I laugh at those who claim I don't work...when I've done more by 7:30 than most will have done in a day...

America...My Kind Of Place...

war  posted on  2011-04-14   8:56:26 ET  Reply   Trace   Private Reply  


#137. To: war (#136)

I had most of my of my stuff done by 7:15

Just caught up with my stuff ... now I watching and waiting. On busy days, I do between 30 to 50 trades a day. On those days, I am huffing and puffing.

Today will be another slow day ... no real movements in any of the equities I follow, except silver. I add sizeable amount of silver equities each morning ... for the long term, which I feel sure will be rewarding.

Enough personal chat. Wood_Chopper will again ask me to prove everything I say/said, so I don't want to give him too much "black powder."

OriginalGatlin  posted on  2011-04-14   10:54:26 ET  Reply   Trace   Private Reply  



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