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Humor Title: You may be a friend of Brian S. IF: You let your 14-year-old daughter smoke at the dinner table in front of her kids. The Blue Book value of your truck goes up and down depending on how much gas is in it. You've been married three times and still have the same in-laws. You think a woman who is out of your league bowls on a different night. You wonder how service stations keep their rest-rooms so clean. Someone in your family died right after saying, 'Hey, guys, watch this.' You think Dom Perignon is a Mafia leader. Your wife's hairdo was once ruined by a ceiling fan. Your junior prom offered day care. You think the last words of the Star-Spangled Banner are 'Gentlemen, start your engines. ' You lit a match in the bathroom and your house exploded right off its wheels. The Halloween pumpkin on your porch has more teeth than your spouse. You have to go outside to get something from the fridge. One of your kids was born on a pool table. You need one more hole punched in your card to get a freebie at the House of Tattoos. You can't get married to your sweetheart because there's a law against it. You think loading the dishwasher means getting your wife drunk. Your dog passes gas and you claim it Your dog is attached to the same chain as your wallet You take your dog for a walk and you both use the same tree to pee on You can entertain yourself for more then an hour with a fly swatter you own a home that is mobile and fourteen cars that are not. You've ever stolen toilet paper Your property has been mistaken for a recycling center There's an expired license plate hanging on your living room wall you have more car parts in your living room floor then on your car. your told you have something on your tooth and you take them out to see what it is! You've ever been pumping gas and another costumer asks you to check their oil You think the bud bowl is real You think "six to ten pounds" on the side of the pampers box means how much the diaper will hold You think the nutcracker is something you did off the highdive You have a black eye and a hickey at the same time you call your wife....Sis!!!!! you call your hubby ....Cuz!! when a relative on their death bed shouts "Hey ya'll...watch this!" you go to a sperm bank for the movies you go to family reunions to pick up chicks Your chili's secret ingrediant comes from the bait shop Turning on your lights involves pulling a string You have a refridgerator just for beer You think a Volvo is part of a woman's anatomy Your lawn furniture used to be your living room furniture! Jack Daniels makes your list of "most admired people". There is a stuffed possum anywhere in your house. You hammer bottle caps into the frame of your front door to make it look nice. You've ever shot anyone for looking at you. You own a homemade fur coat. Your wife can climb a tree faster than your cat. Your momma has "ammo" on her Christmas list. You've totaled every car you've ever owned. There are more than five McDonald's bags currently on the floorboard of your car. Momma taught you how to flip a cigarette. There is a wasp nest in your living room. The Home Shopping Channel operator recognizes your voice. There has ever been crime-scene tape on your front door. You burn your front yard rather than mow it. You consider a six-pack and a bug-zapper high-quality entertainment. Fewer than half of your cars run. You've ever been kicked out of the zoo for heckling the monkeys. The tail-light covers of your car are made of tape. Your car has never had a full tank of gas. Any of your kids were conceived in a car wash. Your momma has ever been involved in a cuss fight with the principal. You think a subdivision is part of a math problem. You've ever bathed with flea and tick soap. Your good deed for the month was hiding your brother for a few days. Your wheelbarrow breaks and it takes four relatives to figure out how to fix it. Your momma doesn't remove the Marlboro from her lips before telling the State Trooper to kiss her a--. You stand under the mistletoe at Christmas and wait for Granny and cousin Sue-Ellen to walk by. Your favorite T-shirt is offensive in thirteen states. You've ever been involved in a custody fight over a huntin' dog. You're an expert on worm beds. The dog catcher calls for a backup unit when he visits your house. Your wife has ever said, "Come move this transmission so I can take a bath!" Your family tree does not fork. The flood history of the area can be seen on your living room walls. Your momma has ever stomped into the house and announced, "The feud is back on!" There is a gun rack on your bicycle. Your wedding was held in the delivery room. Your soap on a rope doubles as an air freshener. Your wife's hairdo attracts bees. Your baby's first words are "Attention K-Mart shoppers." The antenna on your truck is a danger to low flying airplanes. Motel 6 turns off the lights when they see you coming. You think a turtleneck is a key ingredient in soup. You've ever stood in line to get your picture taken with a freak of nature. Your anniversary present was getting the septic tank pumped. Your local ambulance has a trailer hitch. You think the French Riviera is a foreign car. You think you are an entrepreneur because of the "Dirt for Sale" sign in the front yard. You're still scalping tickets after the concert is over You pick your teeth from a catalog. You've ever financed a tattoo. You refer to the time you won a free case of oil as the "day my ship came in." Your hairdo has ever been ruined by a ceiling fan. Your mother has been involved in a fist fight at a high school sports event Your kids call your sister, mom. You call the police because you think your child is hooked on phonics. You ever tried to drown a fish. You stopped watching the academy awards because "Smokey and the Bandit" was snubbed for best picture. Your truck costs more than your house. you wonder why your sun tan has gone after a bath The only condiment on the kitchen table is the economy size bottle of ketchup. You think the theory of relativity has something to do with inbreeding. You think harass is two words. You have two first names. You mow the lawn and find a car. the only teeth you have are on your comb. your wife and sister are the same person. you and your grandma fight over the last pinch of Copenhagen. you dont go to family reunions because your whole family lives in the same house. you get a tatoo on your butt that says flammable your wife has more chins than arms your kid ever ask whether you want to be called dad or uncle you leave your fly down for cooling purposes your son is up on the water tower spray painting your daughters name. you've ever stared at a can of orange juice because it says concentrate you get married 3 times and still have the same reletives. you play "Sweet home alabama" on your touch tone phone. your first buy for your truck is a gun rack. your family recipe is illegal. your dad walks you to school because you're both in the same grade. the only way to start your truck is by having to pop up the hood. you need a screwdriver to open your truck from both the inside and out. You have tires in your house and blocks under your car. you don't remember who's your mom your sister or your grandma You think trash T.V. is something in your backyard you have a pissing for distance contest and your grandma wins You might be redneck if you have ever played in a fart contest. Probably more redneck if you begged to be the fart. Even more redneck if your momma won the game.
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#1. To: brian s (#0)
back at you, redneck
Okay...that one is funny...
In a time of universal deceit, telling the truth is a revolutionary act.
Most of this list is pretty funny. Thanks for posting and the {{{chuckle}}}.
Never swear "allegiance" to anything other than the 'right to change your mind'!
You study and follow the Soros Synagogue voting pamphlets. Brian S shares the money changers life philosophies.
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I missed whatever percentage was NOT funny BrainShit......'sup with you anyway?? What isn't funny?? That which "sticks" best? You ought to be laughing at your more than likely accurate depiction here.....most everyone else does....c'mon BS .....laugh with us:)
Death to everybody who does not get outta my way. Below is the latest Dwarf revelation: ...."the shorts and bibs I wear are of a carbon/lycra/nylon composition......and maaaaaannnnnn....just letting everybody know that makes my balls SWELL......I'm just tooooooo sexy for you all!!" ....Dwarf August 2010.............. And one from the bluehair 2-legged GPS "I always get the Carolinas mixed up for some reason." ......Fred Jerx (who will doubtless figure out the intricacy of that tricky "North / South" thing someday. Ahldoafewboners = the kind of person who can say absolutely nothing, and mean it.....aka Regurgitated Clown Floyd
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