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Latest Articles: Humor
Socially Unacceptable Humor
Post Date: 2011-10-15 09:13:49 by CZ82
2 Comments
Socially Unacceptable Humor I saw a poor old lady fall over today on the ice!! At least I presume she was poor - she only had $1.20 in her purse. My girlfriend thinks that I'm a stalker. Well, she's not exactly my girlfriend yet. Went for my routine checkup today and everything seemed to be going fine until he stuck his index finger up my butt! Do you think I should change dentists? A wife says to her husband you're always pushing me around and talking behind my back. He says what do you expect? You're in a wheel chair. I was explaining to my wife last night that when you die you get reincarnated but must come back as a different creature. She said she would like to ...
Another OWS LooneyToon
Post Date: 2011-10-15 07:35:21 by CZ82
11 Comments
THE ATHEIST - Declaration of Independence
Post Date: 2011-10-15 01:28:14 by A K A Stone
8 Comments
OLD IS WHEN
Post Date: 2011-10-14 20:18:10 by CZ82
1 Comments
'OLD' IS WHEN... Your sweetie says, 'Let's go upstairs and make love,' and you answer, 'Pick one; I can't do both!' 'OLD' IS WHEN... Your friends compliment you on your new alligator shoes and you're barefoot. 'OLD' IS WHEN... A sexy babe catches your fancy and your pacemaker opens the garage door. 'OLD' IS WHEN... Going bra less pulls all the wrinkles out of your face. 'OLD' IS WHEN... You don't care where your spouse goes, just as long as you don't have to go along. 'OLD' IS WHEN... You are cautioned to slow down by the doctor instead of by the police 'OLD' IS WHEN... 'Getting a ...
Laugh of the Day
Post Date: 2011-10-14 06:26:12 by CZ82
0 Comments
Government Investigates Rancher The Montana Department of Employment, Division of Labor Standards claimed a small rancher was not paying proper wages to his help and sent an agent out to investigate him. GOV’T AGENT: “I need a list of your employees and how much you pay them.” RANCHER: ”Well, there’s my hired hand who’s been with me for 3 years. I pay him $200 a week plus free room and board. Then there’s the mentally challenged guy. He works about 18 hours every day and does about 90% of all the work around here. He makes about $10 per week, pays his own room and board, and I buy him a bottle of bourbon every Saturday night so he can cope with life. He ...
Laugh of the Day
Post Date: 2011-10-13 20:03:43 by CZ82
1 Comments
1. Law of Mechanical Repair - After your hands become coated with grease, your nose will begin to itch and you'll have to pee. 2. Law of Gravity - Any tool, nut, bolt, screw, when dropped, will roll to the least accessible corner. 3.Law of Probability - The probability of being watched is directly proportional to the stupidity of your act. 4. Law of Random Numbers - If you dial a wrong number, you never get a busy signal and someone always answers. 6. Variation Law- If you change lines (or traffic lanes), the one you were in will always move faster than the one you are in now (works every time). 7.Law of the Bath - When the body is fully immersed in water, the telephone rings. ...
Pro-Israel ‘Joe the Plumber' Wants to Repair Congress
Post Date: 2011-10-11 19:04:27 by Brian S
0 Comments
"Joe the Plumber," who covered rocket attacks on Israel for the conservative Pajamas Media outlet, now wants to be “Joe the Congressman.” Joe Wurzelbacher has filed with the Federal Election Commission to run as a Republican candidate in Ohio’s 9th Congressional District but told reporters he would not make a final decision until later this month. He won instant fame in the United States after challenging President Barack Obama in the last leg of his campaign for president, charging that his platform would force him to pay higher taxes. John McCain, who was the Republican candidate against Obama, liked Wurzelbacher’s remarks, nicknamed him Joe the Plumber ...
Laugh of the Day
Post Date: 2011-10-11 15:00:43 by CZ82
2 Comments
Women... A real woman is a man's best friend. She will never stand him up and never let him down. She will reassure him when he feels insecure and comfort him after a bad day. She will inspire him to do things he never thought he could do; to live without fear and forget regret. She will enable him to express his deepest emotions and give in to his most intimate desires. She will make sure he always feels as though he's the most handsome man in the room and will enable him to be the most confident, sexy, seductive and invincible... No wait...Sorry. I'm thinking of whiskey. It's whiskey that does all that
Best Antelope Video Ever
Post Date: 2011-10-11 14:10:46 by Sebastian
17 Comments
Here's something you don't see every day.
Lawtence O'Donnell Demonstrates to Herman Cain How an Authetic Black Man Should Act
Post Date: 2011-10-08 09:34:23 by no gnu taxes
1 Comments
O’D to Cain: “My dogs are Cornbread, Earl, and Me. Yours?” O’Donnell to Cain: “You know why I make a big deal about walking to work? I got turned down for a car loan. Honky.” O’Donnell to Cain: F’shizzle my nizzle, yo Mama’s so phat, h’r frontend meets h’r backend go’n rounda co’nah. O’Donnell to Cain: “Sheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeiiiiit.” O’D to Cain: “Know what I named my penis? Richard Roundtree. Even have the ‘chops tattooed on there. I’m a bad mutha’ shut-yo-mouf.” O’Donnell to Cain: You admitted to drinking from the white folks fountain, how can you say you experienced ...
Novel way to lower SS and Medicare costs
Post Date: 2011-10-05 15:25:09 by CZ82
0 Comments
BREAKING NEWS!! To save the economy, on October 22, 2011, Obama will announce that he is ordering the immigration department to start deporting old people (instead of illegals) in order to lower Social Security and Medicare costs. Since old people are easier to catch, and they also will not remember how to get back home!
Poster Comment:Why wouldn't this surprise me......
Some Diehards, After Christie, Look To Cantor
Post Date: 2011-10-04 15:49:12 by Brian S
2 Comments
Chris Christie's departure has left most of the Republican Party resigned to a choice between Mitt Romney and Rick Perry, but there are holdouts, and some of those holdouts are, I'm told, carrying a torch for a new figure: Eric Cantor. The House Majority Leader, subject of a big New York Magazine profile this week, has given no indication at all that he'd run for president, and this seems extremely unlikely to change. Nonetheless: "You’ve got a lot of the same guys who were looking at Christie who still thinks there’s an opening," said a prominent Republican operative. "A lot of their attention is focused on Eric. He’s telegenic, the president ...
ESPN Benches Hank Williams Jr. For Obama-Hitler Comparison
Post Date: 2011-10-03 20:27:34 by Brian S
10 Comments
Hank Williams Jr. will not ask you if you’re ready for some football tonight. Instead, ESPN announced on Monday afternoon that the famous “Are You Ready for Some Football?” intro will not be part of tonight’s Monday Night Football broadcast after Williams made comments likening President Obama to Adolf Hitler. “While Hank Williams, Jr. is not an ESPN employee, we recognize that he is closely linked to our company through the open to Monday Night Football,” the network said in a statement. “We are extremely disappointed with his comments, and as a result we have decided to pull the open from tonight’s telecast.” ESPN’s decision not to use ...
Romney Warns Pakistan Of Serious Consequences Unless It Starts Acting More Like An American Ally
Post Date: 2011-10-03 20:22:37 by Brian S
3 Comments
(10-03) 16:37 PDT SALEM, N.H. (AP) -- Mitt Romney is warning Pakistan of significant consequences unless it starts acting more like an American ally. The Republican presidential candidate says Pakistan is playing both sides — going after the Taliban in some cases and helping it in others. The former Massachusetts governor tells a New Hampshire audience that the solution is as simple as saying to Pakistan that it's either with America or with the Taliban. If Pakistan chooses the Taliban, Romney says there will be "very significant consequences." Romney's didn't clarify what those consequences might be. His comments came while campaigning in the first in the ...
Only One Card Left In Her Deck
Post Date: 2011-09-30 19:42:50 by CZ82
0 Comments
China Launches Spaceship To The Tune Of 'America The Beautiful'
Post Date: 2011-09-30 10:35:10 by Brian S
1 Comments
BEIJING – Any attempt to compose a serious reflection Friday morning on the significance of China's successful launch of the Tiangong-1 module into space last night were dashed this morning when we started reviewing coverage of the launch.As the Guardian first discovered – and we missed over the din of breathless Chinese coverage of the launch on CNN and the BBC–amidst the video distributed by state broadcaster China Central Television (CCTV) was a computer animation ostensibly created by the Chinese space agency showing the rocket soaring up into the heavens. Later, the Tiangong (which in English translates roughly to ...
Anti-Obama sign in Uptown neighborhood draws controversy
Post Date: 2011-09-29 13:06:31 by Sebastian
1 Comments
There are several political signs attracting all kinds of attention in one Uptown neighborhood. On Wednesday, crowds gathered at the corner of Calhoun and Coralie streets, looking at several signs depicting President Barack Obama as either a dunce, a puppet or a crying baby in a diaper. "It disrespects the nation -- and President Barack Obama represents our nation," said Skip Alexander, as he looked at one of the signs. "He represents everybody, not some people." Dozens of protesters came by the house in the 1500 block of Calhoun throughout the day, demanding the sign come down. "He wouldn't do that to [President] Bush, I'm sure. It's just insulting. ...
Microsoft Introduces "Rightwingnuts" Font
Post Date: 2011-09-27 21:55:26 by Skip Intro
28 Comments
In a bold move, Microsoft today unveiled a font that will now be available on all of its new computers, as well as being made available free of charge for uploading to existing PCs. A Microsoft spokesman explained that, "In an effort help our more conservative Windows users save time when writing to, in their words, activist judges, overpaid government workers, leftist media outlets, misguided liberal relatives, and secretly Muslim and/or Communist elected officials, the new Rightwingnuts font will provide an unmistakable way to get their point across, as well as offering extra assistance with spelling, grammar, and punctuation." "Now, in addition to the old tried-and-true ...
Jon Stewart to GOP base: Your candidates aren’t the problem — it’s you
Post Date: 2011-09-27 11:16:26 by lucysmom
8 Comments
Comedy Central’s Jon Stewart offered a little advice to a Republican base that first preferred Rep. Michele Bachmann and then Texas Gov. Rick Perry and now wants New Jersey Gov. Chris Christie to be the party’s presidential nominee. “You want to add another candidate?” Stewart asked the GOP base. “It’s like the Republican primary is a season of American Idol in reverse, where every week you just add some new idiot… Have you ever considered the possibility that your candidates aren’t the problem — it’s you?” “It’s like the Republican base is at war with its own talking points,” he explained. “I want someone who is ...
Drag Queen Purse Snatcher
Post Date: 2011-09-26 15:58:58 by Happy Quanzaa
4 Comments
Woman reports purse stolen by cross dresserA 49-year-old woman told Myrtle Beach Police that her purse was stolen by a male cross-dresser. The woman said that around 2:30 a.m. on Monday, she was leaving a bar around 8th Avenue in Myrtle Beach to go to her car when a man snatched her purse and ran off towards Kings Highway. She said the man appeared “like a cross dresser,” according to the police report. She also said the man got into a dark blue Volkswagon Jetta with two other men. Her purse had a debit card, two store credit cards, $40 in cash, a South Carolina drivers license, two pairs of glasses, a cell phone and a check book in it.
Obama Quits??
Post Date: 2011-09-26 10:39:42 by CZ82
2 Comments
Poster Comment:We can only hope......
Chuckle of the Day (Welfare Check)
Post Date: 2011-09-26 10:29:23 by CZ82
0 Comments
Welfare Check A guy walked into the local welfare office to pick up his check. He marched straight up to the counter and said, "Hi. You know...., I just HATE drawing welfare. I'd really rather have a job." The social worker behind the counter said, "Your timing is excellent. We just got a job opening from a very wealthy old man who wants a Chauffeur and bodyguard for his beautiful daughter. You'll have to drive around in his 2011 Mercedes-Benz CL, and he will supply all of your clothes. "Because of the long hours, meals will be provided. You'll also be expected to escort the daughter on her overseas holiday trips. This is rather awkward to say but you will ...
New gaffe: Obama hails America's historic building of 'the Intercontinental Railroad'
Post Date: 2011-09-24 08:22:57 by Happy Quanzaa
4 Comments
"We’re the country that built the Intercontinental Railroad," Barack Obama. That's what the president of the United States flat-out said Thursday during what was supposed to be a photo op to sell his jobs plan next to an allegedly deteriorating highway bridge. A railroad between continents? A railroad from, say, New York City all the way across the Atlantic to France? Now, THAT would be a bridge! It's yet another humorous gaffe by the Harvard graduate, overlooked by most media for whatever reason. Like Obama saying Abraham-Come-Lately Lincoln was the founder of the Republican Party. Or Navy corpseman. Or the Austrian language. Fifty-seven states. The president of ...
Mike Tyson: Sarah Palin Met ‘The Wombshifter’
Post Date: 2011-09-17 18:19:53 by Brian S
14 Comments
Former heavyweight boxing champion Mike Tyson has plenty to say about allegations made about former Alaska Gov. Sarah Palin in Joe McGinniss’ forthcoming book “The Rogue: Searching for the Real Sarah Palin.” In an interview on the radio show “Gridlock” on KWWN, ESPN’s Las Vegas affiliate, Tyson took a few shots at Palin, boasting about interracial sex and the allegation that Palin had an affair with former NBA star Glen Rice. “Glen Rice is a wonderful man,” Tyson said. “He’s a wonderful guy. You want her to be with somebody like [Dennis] Rodman getting up … in there. Pushing her guts up in the back of her head!” Tyson went on to ...
10 Signs God Is Furious With the Right
Post Date: 2011-09-17 15:15:13 by Brian S
0 Comments
Why is it that whenever disaster strikes, right-wing religious nuts seem to have all the fun? Some might say it's just because they're sadists, but they always seem to find the silver lining. 9/11? God's calling on America to repent! (No, not for it's foreign policy, you dummy!) Hurricane Katrina? It was that darned homosexual parade the organizers forgot to tell anyone about! Whatever disaster strikes, there's always an up-side in religious rightland, always somebody to point the finger at with glee. How come they get all the fun? So when the East Coast got a one-two punch last month, earthquake-hurricane within a few days of one another, it got me thinking. When ...
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