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Latest Articles: Humor
America Is Once More Safe for Democracy After 'Terrorist' Balloon Shot Down!
Post Date: 2023-02-06 16:03:58 by Charles_Byrd
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Imagine the angst of the people, especially the politicians, when a balloon floated slowly for everyone to see across these United States, gaining more and more press all the time. Of course it was a killer Chinese balloon; what else could it be? The news anchors at every mainstream media outlet in the country had the exact same story as it floated over my home state of Montana, and it was of course completely wrong. Airports were shut down, politicians were screaming, as the dire threat of a balloon filled the skies. The puppet pontificators, along with the military heads were very perplexed, and said there was an ‘indication’ that a balloon possibly from China was traveling ...
Colin Kaepernick Transitions In Order To Make Carolina Panthers Cheer Squad
Post Date: 2022-06-07 22:46:27 by Deckard
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CHARLOTTE, NC—Colin Kaepernick has made his way back into the NFL as a cheerleader for the Carolina Panthers. He will be the team's first African American Transgender Poly-Bi Cheerleader and will be joining the team on road games. "I'm excited to be on the team!" said Kaepernick, weakened by a series of surgeries and hormone injections. "After I insulted the organization and called all the fans racist, I wasn't sure I'd be welcomed back, but I was finally able to contort my body into such a victimized form that they had no choice but to hire me.""It's a dream come true!"Panthers coach Matt Rhule was not part of the decision-making ...
Ricky Gervais - Trans Women
Post Date: 2022-05-29 06:22:42 by Deckard
1 Comments
Starving American Babies Disguise Selves As Ukrainian Soldiers In Hopes Of Getting $40 Billion In Federal Aid
Post Date: 2022-05-13 14:31:34 by 3-Dee
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KYIV—This Wednesday, reports poured in that thousands of babies have been smuggling themselves into Ukraine dressed as Ukrainian soldiers. The refugee infants say they are seeking leftovers from the federal aid Biden has sent to the war-torn country. “Waah waah waaaaah!” Baby translators at the border were able to render one newborn’s helpless wails into English for reporters. “This baby says he's a battle-hardened Ukrainian commando and he wants some formula.” Other babies at the border concurred, with the oldest baby speaking for the group through a baby translator. “We trust our leaders to prioritize aid distribution well, as they did with ...
former ... GOP globalisT --- sTooge
Post Date: 2022-03-18 16:58:27 by BorisY
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Are Russia and Ukraine Closer to a Ceasefire Deal? Fox News 3/17/22 Tucker Carlson Posted on 3/18/2022, by hardspunned Are Russia and Ukraine Closer to a Ceasefire Deal? To: JonPreston That’s me. I gave up the warmongering stooging five years ago. Check out my Tagline, an attainable goal for you, too. 16 posted on 3/18/2022, by hardspunned (former GOP globalist stooge) Poster Comment:when pluralism - freedom - nationalism goes DiversiTy - inTernaTionalisT exTincTion comes
SNL to Liberals: It's OK To Question Nonsensical Mask Mandates
Post Date: 2022-02-28 18:43:56 by Deckard
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The best Saturday Night Live sketches feel like funhouse-mirror versions of real life—echoes of conversations or situations we've experienced, but with comedic exaggerations. I mean, who hasn't seen lobster on a menu in a diner and wondered: "Why?" The best sketch in last night's show, hosted by former SNL writer and recently out-of-rehab standup superstar John Mulaney, is a perfect example. It could have been yanked out of probably thousands of conversations around the country this week after the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC) finally loosened their guidelines for masking—guidelines that have been used to justify all sorts of local and ...
Motorcyclist Who Identifies As Bicyclist Sets Cycling World Record
Post Date: 2022-02-26 19:15:40 by Deckard
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NEW YORK, NY—In an inspiring story from the world of professional cycling, a motorcyclist who identifies as a bicyclist has crushed all the regular bicyclists, setting an unbelievable world record. In a local qualifying race for the World Road Cycling League, the motorcyclist crushed the previous 100-mile record of 3 hours, 13 minutes with his amazing new score of well under an hour.Professional motorcycle racer Judd E. Banner, the brave trans-vehicle rider, was allowed to race after he told league organizers he's always felt like a bicyclist in a motorcyclist's body."Look, my ride has handlebars, two wheels, and a seat," he told reporters as he accepted a ...
Alec Baldwin's Get Out of Jail Free Card
Post Date: 2022-01-09 14:50:09 by A K A Stone
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I'm noT usually inTo grammar policing ... This one is a liTTle over The Top --- IT isn'T "in forced" - iT is 'enforced' - See definiTion here
Post Date: 2021-07-30 14:10:43 by BorisY
2 Comments
To: ChinaGotTheGoodsOnClinton I'm not usually into grammar policing, but this one is a little over the top. It isn't "in forced," it is "enforced." See definition here. 11 posted on 7/30/2021, by Avalon Memories (Clowns to the left of me, jokers to the right...)
Dana Carvey breaks out his Joe Biden impression
Post Date: 2021-03-25 02:58:07 by Gatlin
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BRAD OF CALIFORNIA
Post Date: 2021-02-06 18:02:08 by IbJensen
2 Comments
Brad lived in California. He was a lifelong environmentalist. He was sick of the world; of Covid-19, Brexit, Russian belligerence, global warming, racial tensions, and the rest of the disturbing stories that occupy media headlines. Brad drove his car into his garage and sealed every doorway and window. He got back into his car, selected his favorite music, started the car and revved it to a slow idle. Four days later, a worried neighbor peered through his garage window and saw him in the car. She notified the emergency services and they broke in, pulling Brad from the car. A little sip of water and, surprisingly, he was in perfect condition . . . but his Tesla had a dead battery. ...
A Touching Gesture: Kamala Harris Just Sent Joe Biden 17 Get Well Soon Puppies
Post Date: 2020-12-06 07:37:19 by Deckard
2 Comments
Our hearts are touched! In a nice gesture, Kamala Harris sent Joe Biden 17 get-well-soon puppies! Awww! So cute! Biden injured himself while playing with his dog, and this is sure to cheer him up! After receiving the puppies, Joe is rumored to have exclaimed, "Help! She's after me again!" Haha! Such a great jokester. It's awesome to see these two buddies playing around already. What a great four years this is going to be! 🐶🐶🐶🐶🐶🐶🐶🐶🐶🐶🐶🐶🐶 We know if we got injured, a bunch of puppies running around near our ankles and tripping us up would be just the thing to cheer us ...
Best Layoff Letter
Post Date: 2020-11-23 09:27:31 by IbJensen
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Dear Employees: As the CEO of this organization, I have resigned myself to the fact that Joe Biden is our President and that our taxes and government fees will increase in a BIG way. To compensate for these increases, our prices would have to increase by about 10%. But, since we cannot increase our prices right now due to the dismal state of the economy, we will have to lay off sixty of our employees instead. This has really been bothering me since I believe we are family here and I didn't know how to choose who would have to go. So, this is what I did. I walked through our parking lots and found sixty 'Biden Harris' bumper stickers on our employees' cars and have decided ...
Never squat with your spurs on and other wisdom
Post Date: 2020-09-23 06:51:55 by IbJensen
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Never squat with your spurs on Will Rogers, who died in a 1935 plane crash, was one of the greatest political sages this country has ever known. Some of his sayings: 1. Never slap a man who's chewing tobacco. 2. Never kick a cow chip on a hot day. 3. There are two theories to arguing with a woman. Neither works. 4. Never miss a good chance to shut up. 5. Always drink upstream from the herd. 6. If you find yourself in a hole, stop digging. 7. The quickest way to double your money is to fold it and put it back into your pocket. 8. There are three kinds of men: The ones that learn by reading. The few who learn by observation. The rest of them have to pee on the electric fence ...
Women Know Things That Men Don't.
Post Date: 2020-09-17 22:42:39 by Deckard
1 Comments
Applies To Seniors
Post Date: 2020-09-11 08:23:54 by IbJensen
1 Comments
1 – Talk to yourself. There are times you need expert advice. 2 – “In Style” are the clothes that still fit. 3 – You don’t need anger management. You need people to stop pi$$ing you off. 4 – Your people skills are just fine. It’s your tolerance for idiots that needs work. 5 – The biggest lie you tell yourself is, “I don’t need to write that down. I’ll remember it.” 6 – “On time” is when you get there. 7 – Even duct tape can’t fix stupid – but it sure does muffle the sound. 8 – It would be wonderful if we could put ourselves in the dryer for ten minutes, then come out wrinkle-free and ...
Anonymous White House Source Claims Trump Punched A Baby
Post Date: 2020-09-08 02:27:32 by Deckard
1 Comments
WASHINGTON, D.C.—An anonymous report from anonymous sources confirmed without a doubt that Trump has punched a baby directly in the face, completely unprovoked. According to the anonymous sources that are so anonymous they speak mainly through quiet whispers carried along on the north winds, Trump was in the Oval Office when he saw the innocent baby and ruthlessly assaulted him. "That baby, he looked at me funny," said Trump, according to 48 sources who wish to remain unidentified. "I know a funny look when I see one. What a dope! That baby looks like a complete and total loser. You want a piece of me, baby?" Secret witnesses who have not been ...
Portland Protest Molotov Cocktail Friendly Fire, but to the tune of Can Can
Post Date: 2020-09-06 12:24:54 by misterwhite
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Butch, The Rooster.
Post Date: 2020-08-17 08:20:29 by IbJensen
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Butch, The Rooster. Sarah was in the fertilized egg business. She had several hundred young pullets and ten roosters to fertilize the eggs. She kept records and any rooster not performing went into the soup pot and was replaced. This took a lot of time, so she bought some tiny bells and attached them to her roosters. Each bell had a different tone, so she could tell from a distance which rooster was performing. Now, she could sit on the porch and fill out an efficiency report by just listening to the bells. Sarah's favorite rooster, old Butch, was a very fine specimen but, this morning she noticed old Butch's bell hadn't rung at all! When she went to ...
Biden Campaign Says He Is So Close To A VP Pick He Can Smell Her
Post Date: 2020-08-08 11:20:19 by IbJensen
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WASHINGTON, D.C.—Democratic Presidential Nominee Joe Biden's campaign announced that he would be making his pick for Vice President soon, adding that the former Vice President had recently stated, "I'm so close I can smell her." Biden's staff says Joe has been pacing the halls of capitol buildings, congress, and the Senate sniffing the air like a starve-crazed bloodhound in search of the perfect female candidate. "He's huffing longer, deeper inhalations," said his campaign manager Greg Schultz. "That means he's getting really close." Biden's staff says at the rate he is sniffing, he'll definitely have a VP pick by the first ...
The “Wokest” Company In Silicon Valley
Post Date: 2020-08-05 03:55:10 by Deckard
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A sketch released by comedian Ryan Long on Monday mocks Big Tech companies for their over-the-top virtue signaling and attempting to always have the right opinions. It turns out, social media companies care about the diversity of ethnicity, not diversity of thought.
Founding Fathers Strapped Down In Graves To Prevent Further Spinning
Post Date: 2020-08-01 04:44:09 by Deckard
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U.S.—In an attempt to tackle the unprecedented and growing phenomenon of historical figures spinning rapidly in their graves, federal officials have begun strapping down the Founding Fathers at several historical sites. “It started slowly, back around 2016,” explained National Park Director Larry Rozinsky. “We noticed George Washington’s corpse had done a full 360. It was a bit odd but nothing unlike what we’d seen a few times back in the sixties.”But that was only the beginning. Over the next few years, the corpses of Thomas Jefferson, John Adams, and various other founding fathers began to rotate with increasing speed and frequency, reaching ...
Dr. Fauci Recommends Encasing Your Entire Body In Bubble Wrap To Protect Against Coronavirus
Post Date: 2020-08-01 04:41:07 by Deckard
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WASHINGTON, D.C.—At a press conference Wednesday, Dr. Fauci suggested that Americans cover their entire bodies in bubble wrap to protect against coronavirus. "Studies have shown that this is very effective at stopping the virus, germs, and the oxygen that carries these things," Fauci said. "You will no longer have to worry about death by coronavirus, though I'm just a medical doctor and can't speak to any other risk factors this may introduce."Of course, Dr. Fauci says that he and other Washington elites are exempt from the recommendation."I mean, other people should do that, not me," he said, chuckling. "I can go to a baseball game and stuff ...
'We Are Living In A Fascistic Nightmare!' Screams Rioter Given Free Rein To Do Anything He Pleases On Streets Of Portland For Weeks
Post Date: 2020-08-01 04:36:16 by Deckard
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PORTLAND, OR—Sources indicate that a rioter, who had been given free rein by local authorities to do whatever he pleases on the streets of Portland for weeks, has been screaming at the top of his lungs for hours to get his message out that he believes we are all living in a fascistic nightmare. The man, who was wearing a spiked leather jacket replete with anarchist symbols and wielding a large, heavy brick, had been marching down the streets of Portland smashing windows, setting fires, and throwing fireworks at retreating police officers while screaming non-stop for hours about how repressed all of us are under a “Cheeto Mussolini who wants to kill all trans people” and ...
Brands that need to be cancelled IMMEDIATELY
Post Date: 2020-07-31 18:18:37 by Deckard
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Why stop at Aunt Jemima and Uncle Bens?? Here are all the grocery store brands that need to be cancelled ASAP!!
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