Latest Articles: Humor
Instead of Arresting and Jailing Drug Addicts, Police are Getting Them Help—And It’s Working
Award-winning Cop Arrests Musician on "Asshole Charge" for Cursing at him
Immunity Just Barely Denied To Cop Who Claimed Driving A Beat-Up Car And Paying For Purchases Is Suspicious Behavior
The DEA seized her father’s life savings at an airport without alleging any crime occurred, lawsuit says
Cops Violently Assault Grandma In Her Home After Granddaughter Cursed at Police
Minding Your Mood
DEMS TRIAL TRAP not allowing Trump to take office even if reelected (call Congress (202) 224-3121)
California drivers aren’t paying traffic fines. Here’s what Gov. Newsom plans to do
Police: Couple lured thieves with unattended bike, then beat them with bats in videos posted to YouTube
Cults Queen of Heaven
Susan Collins Working with ‘Small Group’ of GOP Senators to Rally Support for Impeachment Witnesses
Pelosi says Trump Â‘impeached for lifeÂ’ despite McConnellÂ’s Â‘gamesmanship,Â’ Â‘coverupÂ’
A Pimp, A POTUS, And A Plane
Neil Peart, Rush Drummer Who Set a New Standard for Rock Virtuosity, Dead at 67
Propaganda and Islam: What You’re Not Being Told
Atlanta Police Make Monumental Move, Disband Entire Drug Unit to Focus on Actual Crime
Electricity Mysteriously “Started Flowing” Through Norway’s Soil on Monday
Ohio Police Captain Gets Pulled Over While Driving Drunk; Officers Let Him Go Home
Tech Giant Doesn’t Want Anyone to be Offended … Ever (And Other Absurd Weekly News)
New Jersey Cop Arrested for Allegedly Stealing Money From Suspects
Come Home, America: Stop Policing the Globe and Put an End to Wars-Without-End
It’s Law Enforcement Appreciation Day
The War Pigs Are Finally Revealing Themselves — And This Is Just The Beginning…
Magnificent Storyteller Soldier Reveals What He Saw In Vietnam
Russia’s Officials And Media Commentators React To The Killing Of Soleimani
Chelsea Clinton's dubious 'earnings' She made big bucks in chemicals and TV, courtesy of nepotism, not skill
Epstein’s Noose Contradicts Official Story of His “Suicide”
Pentagon sends six B-52 strategic bombers to military base on Diego Garcia
City Says Man's Giant, Semi-Ironic 'Trump 2020' Sign Is a Code Violation
UMass Amherst Removed a Professor for Showing a "Downfall" Hitler Parody Video
Stampede kills 40 at funeral for Iran general killed by US
Bolton's willingness to testify in Trump's trial ramps up pressure on Senate Republicans
The Climate Change Sham!
Don't Believe Mike Pence's Spin About Iran and 9/11
3,000 additional troops to deploy to Middle East as Pentagon prepares for Soleimani strike fallout
Did Golden Globes host Ricky Gervais go TOO far? Comedian jokes about Jeffrey Epstein and Prince Andrew as he eviscerates 'woke' Hollywood, telling stars: 'If ISIS started a streaming service, you'd call your agent
Stop saying Biden is the 'most electable'. Trump will run rings round him
RUSSIAN PRESIDENT VLADIMIR PUTIN CRITICIZES PRO-HITLER POLISH AMBASSADOR TO NAZI GERMANY: THAT BASTARD WAS AN ANTISEMITIC PIG; I HAVE NO OTHER WORDS
NYPD Returns Legal Hemp to Owner after Bragging on Twitter of Huge Pot Bust
Trump’s Point of No Return
IRGC Quds Force Commander Qasem Soleimani: Trump's Rhetoric Is That of a Casino
Sheriff says "All out Civil War" if gun confiscation
Corporate Media Turns to Warhawks, Including Former Bush Officials, to Beat Drums of War on Iran
Yes, the United Nations is hiring "disarmament officers" in New York. The question is "why"?
United Methodist Church announces proposal to split over LGBTQ rights
Nancy Pelosi Complains: No Notification Before Attack on Iran’s Soleimani
Russian Pranksters: Maxine Waters Fell for Call from ‘Greta Thunberg’ Offering a Taped Trump Confession
Speaker Pelosi Threatens Possibility of Armed Conflict Against U.S. Department of Justice…
War Again on the Front Burner
#WWIII Now Trending as Trump Fulfills Neocon Wet Dream of Provoking War with Iran
The DEA seized her father’s life savings at an airport without alleging any crime occurred, lawsuit says
Post Date: 2020-01-17 10:11:03 by misterwhite
Every dollar Terry Rolin had saved over a lifetime was stacked in a large Tupperware container: $82,373. At 79, he was aging and worried about keeping so much cash on hand, his daughter said, so during one of her visits he asked her to open a joint bank account. Rebecca Brown was catching a flight home from the Pittsburgh airport early the next day and said she didnt have time to stop at a bank. She confirmed on a government website that its legal to carry any amount of cash on a domestic flight and tucked the money in her carry-on. But just minutes before departure in late August, a Drug Enforcement Administration agent met her at the busy gate and questioned her about the ...
Santa Claus Accused Of Quid Pro Quo For Giving Children Gifts In Exchange For Good Behavior
Post Date: 2019-12-16 22:44:25 by nolu chan
Santa Claus Accused Of Quid Pro Quo For Giving Children Gifts In Exchange For Good Behavior December 14th, 2019 U.S.Legislators have begun to hold hearings on impeaching Santa Claus after an overheard conversation seemed to imply he was offering a quid pro quo: gifts in exchange for good behavior. FBI agents spied on Claus at various malls as he repeatedly said things like, "Sure, I'll get you a pony. But first, I need you to do something for me... be a good little boy!" The FBI was able to obtain a FISA warrant to spy on Claus, because it's easier to get a FISA warrant than to get a Costco membership. "Ho ho noooooo!" Santa Claus cried as ...
Dems Vow To Learn From Labour Party's Mistake Of Not Going Far Enough Left
Post Date: 2019-12-13 23:18:44 by nolu chan
Dems Vow To Learn From Labour Party's Mistake Of Not Going Far Enough Left Babylon Bee December 13th, 2019 WASHINGTON, D.C.Democrats stateside were watching closely as UK election results came in Thursday. They wanted to see how the Labour Party did so they could learn from any mistakes they made. Well, sure enough, Labour endured a brutal massacre, losing seats they didn't even know they had. So, Democrats vowed to learn from their obvious mistake of not going far enough to the left. "It's clear that Labour lost because they weren't radical enough," said Rep. Ocasio-Cortez, who had seemingly endorsed Jeremy Corbyn's Labour Party. "We're not ...
'I Am Being Held Hostage By The Squad And Am Impeaching Trump Against My Will,' Nancy Pelosi Frantically Blinks Out In Morse Code
Post Date: 2019-12-12 13:53:58 by nolu chan
'I Am Being Held Hostage By The Squad And Am Impeaching Trump Against My Will,' Nancy Pelosi Frantically Blinks Out In Morse Code WASHINGTON, D.C.As Nancy Pelosi held a press conference along with other House Democrats to announce that they would be introducing articles of impeachment against President Trump, Pelosi reportedly blinked out a cry for help in morse code. Observant viewers noticed Pelosi was blinking out some kind of pattern. "Hey, it's morse code!" said one Fox News reporter. "Let's see what she's saying." Investigative journalists wrote down the complex series of dashes and dots blinked out by Pelosi, and sure enough, a ...
House Dems Unveil Surefire Plan To Get Trump Reelected
Post Date: 2019-12-12 13:51:56 by nolu chan
House Dems Unveil Surefire Plan To Get Trump Reelected December 10th, 2019 WASHINGTON, D.C.House Democrats today announced a new plan to ensure Trump wins the White House again in 2020. "We hereby unveil these articles of impeachment, which clearly lay out the undeniable fact that we will not win the White House back next year," said Rep. Jerry Nadler. "We have found Trump guilty of absolutely nothing, but we already started this whole process and it would look bad to back out now, so here we are." "I declare here and now that Trump will be in the White House for at least another four years." Some questioned if this was the best strategy, but ...
Trump's Popularity Surges After Nation Learns He May Have Obstructed Congress
Post Date: 2019-12-11 16:17:34 by nolu chan
Trump's Popularity Surges After Nation Learns He May Have Obstructed Congress December 11th, 2019 U.S.Democrats unveiled their articles of impeachment against President Trump, but one of the charges seems to have backfired. The suggestion that Trump obstructed Congress turned out to be a far more popular idea than Democrats had predicted. As soon as it was revealed that Trump may have slowed the legislative branch from getting any work done, Americans praised Trump for his patriotic service. Trump's popularity saw a huge spike in national polls, putting him in the 80% approval range for the first time ever. Support was bipartisan, as Republicans were happy he was stopping ...
Report: Jesus, Mary, Joseph Were Actually Detained Under Obama Administration
Post Date: 2019-12-11 16:15:56 by nolu chan
Report: Jesus, Mary, Joseph Were Actually Detained Under Obama Administration December 10th, 2019 CLAREMONT, CAA nativity scene has been gaining much publicity in the media for its depiction of Jesus, Mary, and Joseph getting detained in cages at the border. But media coverage quickly ended when it was revealed that the Holy Family was actually detained under the Obama administration. One investigative journalist looked around the cages and found a stamp on one of them reading, "Manufactured in 2014 by order of President Barack Obama." "Hey, guys, uh, we've got a problem -- looks like this was Obama's doing," he said. "Aren't we supposed to ...
It Snowed Last Night and I made a snowman.
Post Date: 2019-12-03 10:06:30 by IbJensen
8:00 I finished making a snowman. 8:10 A feminist passed by and asked me why I didnt make a snow woman. 8:15 So, I made a snow woman. 8:17 My feminist neighbor complained about the snow womans voluptuous chest saying it objectified snow women everywhere. 8:20 The gay couple living nearby threw a hissy fit and moaned it could have been two snow men instead. 8:22 The transgender man..woman
person asked why I didnt just make one snow person with detachable parts. 8:25 The vegans at the end of the lane complained about the carrot nose, as veggies are food and not to decorate snow figures with. 8:28 I was being ...
Unusual Letters To Dear Abby
Post Date: 2019-12-01 09:49:31 by IbJensen
Dear Abby - Fact is stranger than truth DEAR ABBY ADMITTED SHE WAS AT A LOSS AS HOW TO ANSWER THE FOLLOWING QUESTIONS: (You can't make up this stuff) Dear Abby, A couple of women moved in across the hall from me. One is a middle-aged gym teacher and the other is a social worker in her mid-twenties. These two women go everywhere together, and I've never seen a man go into or leave their apartment. Do you think they could be Lebanese? Dear Abby, What can I do about all the Sex, Nudity, Fowl Language and Violence on my VCR? Dear Abby, I am a twenty-three year old liberated woman who has been on the pill for two years. It's getting expensive and I ...
Nation's Progressives Give Thanks That They Have So Much To Be Angry About This Year
Post Date: 2019-11-28 13:12:38 by CZ82
Nation's Progressives Give Thanks That They Have So Much To Be Angry About This Year November 26th, 2019 U.S.In honor of Thanksgiving week, the nation's progressives have begun to give thanks that they have so much to be angry and offended about this year. "Thank you, unspecified deity who may or may not exist, for giving us so much stuff to be outraged about," said Staci Walder, 42, of Portland, as she prepared her vegan, kale-wrapped turkey. "I'm truly humbled that you've blessed me with the Trump presidency, the patriarchy, the laws of economics, and biological facts to rage against." "Every year, it's important to pause and ...
Joe Biden says we need to ‘keep punching’ at domestic violence
Post Date: 2019-11-21 16:12:23 by Deckard
screen capture Joe Biden really put his fist in his mouth this time. The former vice president had a cringe-worthy moment late in Wednesdays fifth Democratic presidential primary debate when he used the words keep punching at it to answer a question about violence against women. Asked what could be done to address sexual violence and harassment against women, Biden said he authored the original Violence Against Women Act and that its reauthorization needs to pass. He also talked about changing the culture on college campuses and touted the Its on Us movement created in the Obama administration. No man has a right to raise a hand to a woman in anger, ...
Can This Teenager Use a Rotary Phone?
Post Date: 2019-11-19 22:05:51 by Deckard
The internet has made so many things obsolete, like maps, phone books, and rotary phones. Ellen was curious to see how young people would function without the world wide web, so she challenged a 17-year-old to use all three... creating hilarious results.
Greta Thunberg Doppelganger in Old Photo Sparks Time Travel Speculation
Post Date: 2019-11-19 21:38:55 by Deckard
November 19, 2019 By Tim Binnall An 1898 photo of some children working at a gold mine in Canada's Yukon territory has gone viral due to one of the youngster's stunning resemblance to teenage climate change activist Greta Thunberg. The spooky image popped up online over the weekend after someone discovered it in the University of Washington archives. The photo quickly went viral with many imaginative individuals suggesting that it was proof that Thunberg was a time traveler, while others argued that it was merely a clever fake. Regarding the latter theory, it would appear that the image is a genuine photograph and not the product of Photoshop. According to the University ...
Seriously, just a joke
Post Date: 2019-11-19 16:36:23 by Deckard
A driver was stuck in a traffic jam on the highway outside Washington, DC Nothing was moving. Suddenly, a man knocks on the window. The driver rolls down the window and asks, Whats going on? Terrorists have kidnapped the entire US Congress, and theyre asking for a $100 million dollar ransom. Otherwise, they are going to douse them all in gasoline and set them on fire. We are going from car to car, collecting donations. How much is everyone giving, on an average? the driver asks. The man replies, Roughly a gallon.
7 employees were terminated:’ Vicious brawl at Milwaukee Popeyes caught on cellphone video
Post Date: 2019-11-16 15:55:44 by Stoner
MILWAUKEE -- Outrageous cellphone video from inside a Milwaukee Popeyes restaurant shows a group of employees getting into a vicious brawl. This all went down while customers were inside. The violent encounter happened at the Popeyes near 76th and Good Hope Road around 9:30 p.m. on Wednesday, Nov. 13. Richard Fourté Richard Fourté wanted to avoid the drive-thru line -- and went inside. "I said to myself, I said, 'Wow, there's a lot of people working here,"' Fourté said. Soon it went from calm to chaos inside the restaurant. "I heard one of them yell, 'It's a fight," Fourté said. "They ran to the back by the ...
Post Date: 2019-11-14 17:36:53 by Deckard
New Law Requires You To Listen To Greta Thunberg Lecture Before Purchasing Gasoline
Post Date: 2019-10-18 12:56:16 by Deckard
U.S.A series of new bills working their way through state legislatures in New York, California, Oregon, Hawaii, and several other progressive states will require you to listen to a Greta Thunberg lecture before purchasing gasoline. Motorists will be required to watch a 20-minute lecture by the 16-year-old climate activist before they purchase gallons and gallons of harmful fossil fuels."We want to make sure drivers are informed," said California Governor Gavin Newsom, who says he will sign the bill into law. "So we are having them get lectured by a 16-year-old so they will have all the facts before they do something rash like put gasoline in their cars to go to ...
Pope Announces Any Time Spent Watching 'The View' Counts As Time Served In Purgatory
Post Date: 2019-10-18 12:42:41 by Deckard
VATICAN CITYPope Francis has made one of his official, Popey announcements. (For our Protestant audience, a declaration from the pope is kinda like when Russell Moore tweets something; it carries a lot of weight for Catholics.) Anyway, the pope declared that any time you've spent watching The View in this life will count as time served in purgatory."Frankly, if you watch those women bickering, that's punishment enough," said Pope Francis in a speech. He declared that your time will be tallied up by the angels, who will then mark that off as though you'd spent the time in purgatory.The pope said the exchange rate for time is about 1 hour of The ...
DNC Town Hall - SNL
Post Date: 2019-09-30 11:48:08 by Tooconservative
Poster Comment:Harrelson's Biden was weak, just not good casting. And not good for Dems either since Harrelson is a younger and far more vital man than Biden, highlighting Biden's age and frailty in any comparison. Harrelson looks like what Americans want to see in a president: experience along with vitality and force of will. The real Biden will suffers by comparison. Some decent jokes in it, a rarity in modern SNL fare.
Guy calls 9/11 over “Rabid dog” in his house
Post Date: 2019-09-27 11:03:03 by Tooconservative
Near-Dead Battery in Fremont Police Tesla Forces Officer Off Pursuit
Post Date: 2019-09-27 05:56:10 by Deckard
KPIX FREMONT (CBS SF) A Tesla electric patrol car by the Fremont Police ran low on electricity in the middle of a pursuit, after the department said someone forgot to plug the vehicle into a charger. According to officials, the officer was pursuing a vehicle headed down to the South Bay when the car began to run low on battery power. Just slowed down to six miles of battery on the Tesla, so I may lose it here in a sec, the officer said, according to police radio transmissions. If someone else is able, can they maneuver into the number one spot? Other units took over the pursuit. Police said the chase was called off when it became unsafe, and the suspect ...
SHREK IS BREAKING THIS DOG OBSTACLE COURSE RECORD!!
Post Date: 2019-09-26 18:12:15 by Liberator
Dog handler's Chihuahua called in sick. Shrek stepped up for an impressive performance. The AKC Powers That Be allowed the substitute. Announcer Bob Menery sounds a lot like Bob Uecker.
Pigeon poops on state lawmaker as he gives TV interview about pigeon poop problem
Post Date: 2019-09-20 10:31:24 by Deckard
Rep. Jaime Andrade (D-Chicago) was giving a TV interview about the pigeon poop problem at a train station when a pigeon promptly illustrate the lawmakers point. Ill just have to go clean up, Andrade said. Thats what happens to my constituents. They get [expletive] on all time.
Say That Again, I WILL Kick Your Ass
Post Date: 2019-09-19 05:38:39 by Deckard
NEW YORKI dont mind it when you lie to me with marketing terms or puff me up with overblown predictionsIm in show business, thats what we dobut stop using these words that are designed to disguise what youre really doing to me. If you really wanna piss me off, use any of the following ten terms: (1) That would be a hard no, Joe Bob. (Variation: Thats a nonstarter, Joe Bob.) (Second variation: That wont fly at any level, Joe Bob.) This is the equivalent of a 7-year-old on the elementary school playground who runs out of arguments and says, I dont care what you say! Im not changing my ...
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