Latest Articles: Humor
*EPIC LAB BATTLE, EPIC MUSIC, EPIC VICTORY POSE!!*
Post Date: 2020-04-04 12:13:22 by Liberator
“Stayin’ Inside” – Corona Virus Bee Gees Parody
Post Date: 2020-04-02 06:26:42 by Deckard
Coronavirus - new Lays Champions League commercial (funny edit)
Post Date: 2020-03-27 06:52:45 by Deckard
Beware the Ides of March
Post Date: 2020-03-15 14:44:12 by Hank Rearden
Hell Confirmed To Be Eternal Ride On 'It's A Small World'
Post Date: 2020-03-07 10:33:43 by IbJensen
HELLMillions have converted to Christ upon the revelation that hell would simply be one endless ride on Disney's It's A Small World attraction. The ride will be completely unaltered except it will be hotter than the version at Disneyland. Those arriving in the place of eternal torment will be loaded on the boats and sent around. While they may think it's just the start of their stay in hell, the ride will actually never end, just going around and around for limitless eons. "We carefully considered the various forms of torture available to us but finally decided that the best punishment would simply be riding around and around hearing those infernal little ...
Terry Jones, Monty Python Founder and Scholar, Is Dead at 77
Post Date: 2020-01-22 13:08:51 by Hank Rearden
In addition to being a charter member of the celebrated British sketch troupe, he was a director, a screenwriter and an authority on Chaucer.
The DEA seized her father’s life savings at an airport without alleging any crime occurred, lawsuit says [Full Thread]
Post Date: 2020-01-17 10:11:03 by misterwhite
Every dollar Terry Rolin had saved over a lifetime was stacked in a large Tupperware container: $82,373. At 79, he was aging and worried about keeping so much cash on hand, his daughter said, so during one of her visits he asked her to open a joint bank account. Rebecca Brown was catching a flight home from the Pittsburgh airport early the next day and said she didnt have time to stop at a bank. She confirmed on a government website that its legal to carry any amount of cash on a domestic flight and tucked the money in her carry-on. But just minutes before departure in late August, a Drug Enforcement Administration agent met her at the busy gate and questioned her about the ...
Santa Claus Accused Of Quid Pro Quo For Giving Children Gifts In Exchange For Good Behavior
Post Date: 2019-12-16 22:44:25 by nolu chan
Santa Claus Accused Of Quid Pro Quo For Giving Children Gifts In Exchange For Good Behavior December 14th, 2019 U.S.Legislators have begun to hold hearings on impeaching Santa Claus after an overheard conversation seemed to imply he was offering a quid pro quo: gifts in exchange for good behavior. FBI agents spied on Claus at various malls as he repeatedly said things like, "Sure, I'll get you a pony. But first, I need you to do something for me... be a good little boy!" The FBI was able to obtain a FISA warrant to spy on Claus, because it's easier to get a FISA warrant than to get a Costco membership. "Ho ho noooooo!" Santa Claus cried as ...
Dems Vow To Learn From Labour Party's Mistake Of Not Going Far Enough Left
Post Date: 2019-12-13 23:18:44 by nolu chan
Dems Vow To Learn From Labour Party's Mistake Of Not Going Far Enough Left Babylon Bee December 13th, 2019 WASHINGTON, D.C.Democrats stateside were watching closely as UK election results came in Thursday. They wanted to see how the Labour Party did so they could learn from any mistakes they made. Well, sure enough, Labour endured a brutal massacre, losing seats they didn't even know they had. So, Democrats vowed to learn from their obvious mistake of not going far enough to the left. "It's clear that Labour lost because they weren't radical enough," said Rep. Ocasio-Cortez, who had seemingly endorsed Jeremy Corbyn's Labour Party. "We're not ...
'I Am Being Held Hostage By The Squad And Am Impeaching Trump Against My Will,' Nancy Pelosi Frantically Blinks Out In Morse Code
Post Date: 2019-12-12 13:53:58 by nolu chan
'I Am Being Held Hostage By The Squad And Am Impeaching Trump Against My Will,' Nancy Pelosi Frantically Blinks Out In Morse Code WASHINGTON, D.C.As Nancy Pelosi held a press conference along with other House Democrats to announce that they would be introducing articles of impeachment against President Trump, Pelosi reportedly blinked out a cry for help in morse code. Observant viewers noticed Pelosi was blinking out some kind of pattern. "Hey, it's morse code!" said one Fox News reporter. "Let's see what she's saying." Investigative journalists wrote down the complex series of dashes and dots blinked out by Pelosi, and sure enough, a ...
House Dems Unveil Surefire Plan To Get Trump Reelected
Post Date: 2019-12-12 13:51:56 by nolu chan
House Dems Unveil Surefire Plan To Get Trump Reelected December 10th, 2019 WASHINGTON, D.C.House Democrats today announced a new plan to ensure Trump wins the White House again in 2020. "We hereby unveil these articles of impeachment, which clearly lay out the undeniable fact that we will not win the White House back next year," said Rep. Jerry Nadler. "We have found Trump guilty of absolutely nothing, but we already started this whole process and it would look bad to back out now, so here we are." "I declare here and now that Trump will be in the White House for at least another four years." Some questioned if this was the best strategy, but ...
Trump's Popularity Surges After Nation Learns He May Have Obstructed Congress
Post Date: 2019-12-11 16:17:34 by nolu chan
Trump's Popularity Surges After Nation Learns He May Have Obstructed Congress December 11th, 2019 U.S.Democrats unveiled their articles of impeachment against President Trump, but one of the charges seems to have backfired. The suggestion that Trump obstructed Congress turned out to be a far more popular idea than Democrats had predicted. As soon as it was revealed that Trump may have slowed the legislative branch from getting any work done, Americans praised Trump for his patriotic service. Trump's popularity saw a huge spike in national polls, putting him in the 80% approval range for the first time ever. Support was bipartisan, as Republicans were happy he was stopping ...
Report: Jesus, Mary, Joseph Were Actually Detained Under Obama Administration
Post Date: 2019-12-11 16:15:56 by nolu chan
Report: Jesus, Mary, Joseph Were Actually Detained Under Obama Administration December 10th, 2019 CLAREMONT, CAA nativity scene has been gaining much publicity in the media for its depiction of Jesus, Mary, and Joseph getting detained in cages at the border. But media coverage quickly ended when it was revealed that the Holy Family was actually detained under the Obama administration. One investigative journalist looked around the cages and found a stamp on one of them reading, "Manufactured in 2014 by order of President Barack Obama." "Hey, guys, uh, we've got a problem -- looks like this was Obama's doing," he said. "Aren't we supposed to ...
It Snowed Last Night and I made a snowman.
Post Date: 2019-12-03 10:06:30 by IbJensen
8:00 I finished making a snowman. 8:10 A feminist passed by and asked me why I didnt make a snow woman. 8:15 So, I made a snow woman. 8:17 My feminist neighbor complained about the snow womans voluptuous chest saying it objectified snow women everywhere. 8:20 The gay couple living nearby threw a hissy fit and moaned it could have been two snow men instead. 8:22 The transgender man..woman
person asked why I didnt just make one snow person with detachable parts. 8:25 The vegans at the end of the lane complained about the carrot nose, as veggies are food and not to decorate snow figures with. 8:28 I was being ...
Unusual Letters To Dear Abby
Post Date: 2019-12-01 09:49:31 by IbJensen
Dear Abby - Fact is stranger than truth DEAR ABBY ADMITTED SHE WAS AT A LOSS AS HOW TO ANSWER THE FOLLOWING QUESTIONS: (You can't make up this stuff) Dear Abby, A couple of women moved in across the hall from me. One is a middle-aged gym teacher and the other is a social worker in her mid-twenties. These two women go everywhere together, and I've never seen a man go into or leave their apartment. Do you think they could be Lebanese? Dear Abby, What can I do about all the Sex, Nudity, Fowl Language and Violence on my VCR? Dear Abby, I am a twenty-three year old liberated woman who has been on the pill for two years. It's getting expensive and I ...
Nation's Progressives Give Thanks That They Have So Much To Be Angry About This Year
Post Date: 2019-11-28 13:12:38 by CZ82
Nation's Progressives Give Thanks That They Have So Much To Be Angry About This Year November 26th, 2019 U.S.In honor of Thanksgiving week, the nation's progressives have begun to give thanks that they have so much to be angry and offended about this year. "Thank you, unspecified deity who may or may not exist, for giving us so much stuff to be outraged about," said Staci Walder, 42, of Portland, as she prepared her vegan, kale-wrapped turkey. "I'm truly humbled that you've blessed me with the Trump presidency, the patriarchy, the laws of economics, and biological facts to rage against." "Every year, it's important to pause and ...
Joe Biden says we need to ‘keep punching’ at domestic violence
Post Date: 2019-11-21 16:12:23 by Deckard
screen capture Joe Biden really put his fist in his mouth this time. The former vice president had a cringe-worthy moment late in Wednesdays fifth Democratic presidential primary debate when he used the words keep punching at it to answer a question about violence against women. Asked what could be done to address sexual violence and harassment against women, Biden said he authored the original Violence Against Women Act and that its reauthorization needs to pass. He also talked about changing the culture on college campuses and touted the Its on Us movement created in the Obama administration. No man has a right to raise a hand to a woman in anger, ...
Can This Teenager Use a Rotary Phone?
Post Date: 2019-11-19 22:05:51 by Deckard
The internet has made so many things obsolete, like maps, phone books, and rotary phones. Ellen was curious to see how young people would function without the world wide web, so she challenged a 17-year-old to use all three... creating hilarious results.
Greta Thunberg Doppelganger in Old Photo Sparks Time Travel Speculation
Post Date: 2019-11-19 21:38:55 by Deckard
November 19, 2019 By Tim Binnall An 1898 photo of some children working at a gold mine in Canada's Yukon territory has gone viral due to one of the youngster's stunning resemblance to teenage climate change activist Greta Thunberg. The spooky image popped up online over the weekend after someone discovered it in the University of Washington archives. The photo quickly went viral with many imaginative individuals suggesting that it was proof that Thunberg was a time traveler, while others argued that it was merely a clever fake. Regarding the latter theory, it would appear that the image is a genuine photograph and not the product of Photoshop. According to the University ...
Seriously, just a joke
Post Date: 2019-11-19 16:36:23 by Deckard
A driver was stuck in a traffic jam on the highway outside Washington, DC Nothing was moving. Suddenly, a man knocks on the window. The driver rolls down the window and asks, Whats going on? Terrorists have kidnapped the entire US Congress, and theyre asking for a $100 million dollar ransom. Otherwise, they are going to douse them all in gasoline and set them on fire. We are going from car to car, collecting donations. How much is everyone giving, on an average? the driver asks. The man replies, Roughly a gallon.
7 employees were terminated:’ Vicious brawl at Milwaukee Popeyes caught on cellphone video
Post Date: 2019-11-16 15:55:44 by Stoner
MILWAUKEE -- Outrageous cellphone video from inside a Milwaukee Popeyes restaurant shows a group of employees getting into a vicious brawl. This all went down while customers were inside. The violent encounter happened at the Popeyes near 76th and Good Hope Road around 9:30 p.m. on Wednesday, Nov. 13. Richard Fourté Richard Fourté wanted to avoid the drive-thru line -- and went inside. "I said to myself, I said, 'Wow, there's a lot of people working here,"' Fourté said. Soon it went from calm to chaos inside the restaurant. "I heard one of them yell, 'It's a fight," Fourté said. "They ran to the back by the ...
Post Date: 2019-11-14 17:36:53 by Deckard
New Law Requires You To Listen To Greta Thunberg Lecture Before Purchasing Gasoline
Post Date: 2019-10-18 12:56:16 by Deckard
U.S.A series of new bills working their way through state legislatures in New York, California, Oregon, Hawaii, and several other progressive states will require you to listen to a Greta Thunberg lecture before purchasing gasoline. Motorists will be required to watch a 20-minute lecture by the 16-year-old climate activist before they purchase gallons and gallons of harmful fossil fuels."We want to make sure drivers are informed," said California Governor Gavin Newsom, who says he will sign the bill into law. "So we are having them get lectured by a 16-year-old so they will have all the facts before they do something rash like put gasoline in their cars to go to ...
Pope Announces Any Time Spent Watching 'The View' Counts As Time Served In Purgatory
Post Date: 2019-10-18 12:42:41 by Deckard
VATICAN CITYPope Francis has made one of his official, Popey announcements. (For our Protestant audience, a declaration from the pope is kinda like when Russell Moore tweets something; it carries a lot of weight for Catholics.) Anyway, the pope declared that any time you've spent watching The View in this life will count as time served in purgatory."Frankly, if you watch those women bickering, that's punishment enough," said Pope Francis in a speech. He declared that your time will be tallied up by the angels, who will then mark that off as though you'd spent the time in purgatory.The pope said the exchange rate for time is about 1 hour of The ...
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