Latest Articles: Humor
Dr. Fauci Recommends Encasing Your Entire Body In Bubble Wrap To Protect Against Coronavirus
Post Date: 2020-08-01 04:41:07 by Deckard
WASHINGTON, D.C.At a press conference Wednesday, Dr. Fauci suggested that Americans cover their entire bodies in bubble wrap to protect against coronavirus. "Studies have shown that this is very effective at stopping the virus, germs, and the oxygen that carries these things," Fauci said. "You will no longer have to worry about death by coronavirus, though I'm just a medical doctor and can't speak to any other risk factors this may introduce."Of course, Dr. Fauci says that he and other Washington elites are exempt from the recommendation."I mean, other people should do that, not me," he said, chuckling. "I can go to a baseball game and stuff ...
'We Are Living In A Fascistic Nightmare!' Screams Rioter Given Free Rein To Do Anything He Pleases On Streets Of Portland For Weeks
Post Date: 2020-08-01 04:36:16 by Deckard
PORTLAND, ORSources indicate that a rioter, who had been given free rein by local authorities to do whatever he pleases on the streets of Portland for weeks, has been screaming at the top of his lungs for hours to get his message out that he believes we are all living in a fascistic nightmare. The man, who was wearing a spiked leather jacket replete with anarchist symbols and wielding a large, heavy brick, had been marching down the streets of Portland smashing windows, setting fires, and throwing fireworks at retreating police officers while screaming non-stop for hours about how repressed all of us are under a Cheeto Mussolini who wants to kill all trans people and ...
Brands that need to be cancelled IMMEDIATELY
Post Date: 2020-07-31 18:18:37 by Deckard
Why stop at Aunt Jemima and Uncle Bens?? Here are all the grocery store brands that need to be cancelled ASAP!!
10 Jokes From ‘Blazing Saddles’ That Would Never Make The Cut In 2014 (or in 2020)
Post Date: 2020-07-28 11:54:46 by Deckard
The classic Mel Brooks comedy Blazing Saddles was released 40 years ago, well before most of us were born, so when youre done reading this, you can call your dad and remind him just how old he really is. Todays so-called spoof directors could clearly learn a thing or 10,000 from one of the genres forefathers, Mel Brooks, because there isnt a hilarious joke idea in Aaron Seltzers or Jason Friedbergs brains that could still make people cry from laughter 40 years from now the same way that Excuse me while I whip this out still makes me smile like an asshole. Blazing Saddles is arguably Mels finest film, and I know that a lot of people will ...
Nevada Church Avoids Coronavirus Restrictions By Installing Slot Machines
Post Date: 2020-07-27 06:57:11 by Deckard
CARSON CITY, NVCalvary Chapel of the Desert was informed by the state that it was violating the state's strict restrictions on church gatherings. So, Pastor Chuck Carver figured out a clever way around the stringent requirements: he installed slot machines in the church, and now his church is able to do whatever it wants. "We put up the slot machines and bam -- no more restrictions," Carver said Sunday. "The authorities dispersed, and we pretty much get to do whatever we want. What happens in Calvary Chapel stays in Calvary Chapel."He then preached a solemn sermon in front of the blinking lights and blaring sirens from the slots. "Yeah, it looks kinda ...
Sports Fans To Continue 24-Year-Long Boycott Of WNBA
Post Date: 2020-07-27 06:46:47 by Deckard
U.S.WNBA players recently walked off the court during the national anthem. In response, the nation announced that it would continue its 24-year-long boycott of the WNBA. Sports fans, casual viewers, and basically everybody said they would continue not watching the WNBA or caring about anything they did."Listen, if they're going to disrespect the anthem, we're going to continue not watching the WNBA. Frankly, they could all dress up in star-spangled outfits and sing 'God Bless America,' and we'd still keep the boycott going," said one man in Iowa. "I'd want to support them morally at that point, but I don't know if I could bring myself ...
Conspiracy World Meets Comedy World – Chrissie Mayr / Jay Dyer
Post Date: 2020-07-27 01:39:14 by Deckard
Published On July 21, 2020 » 727 Views» By admin » Archives, Audio/mp3, Comedy, Comedy Videos, Culture, Esoteric/Speculation, Featured, Philosophy, Psychology/Sociology, The Jay Show, Video <span data-mce-type="bookmark" st*l*="display: inline-block; width: 0px; overflow: hidden; line-height: 0;" class="mce_SELRES_start">﻿</span> Comic Chrissie Mayr joins me to discuss the intersection of two worlds the world of comedy and conspiracy. Chrissie has recently interviewed some CTs as well as hopping on Sam Tripolis Tinfoil Hat with me and Isaac. Chrissie and I will discuss ...
Louisville protests descend into chaos when armed protester accidentally shoots members of his group, injuring 3
Post Date: 2020-07-27 01:06:01 by Deckard
Gunshots erupted during a planned protest in Louisville, Ky., Saturday and three members of the heavily armed militia group, the Not F---ing Around Coalition (NFAC), were injured by shots fired from one of their own member's guns, police told Fox News.BLACK ARMED MILITIA PLANNING LOUISVILLE MARCH CLAIMS IT'S 'NOT F---ING AROUNDThe shooting took place near Baxter Square Park around 1 p.m. and all of the victims were transported to the University of Louisville Hospital with non-life-threatening injuries, the Louisville Metro Police Department (LMPD) told Fox News.Protesters ducked behind cars and scattered to flee the area, a ...
If you laugh you lose BIGLY
Post Date: 2020-07-26 22:34:54 by Deckard
Husband Has No Idea If This Is A Fight Or Not
Post Date: 2020-07-26 02:18:19 by Deckard
COAL VALLEY, ILLocal man Matt O'Brien isnt quite sure whether or not he is currently in a fight with his wife. While he is doing just fine, his wife seems to have a chip on her shoulder for some reason. Or maybe she doesn't; OBrien isnt sure. "I cant think of a reason why she would be mad," O'Brien said. "But shes acting so strange. Maybe I forgot to feed the kids again, I really dont know. It could be anything.OBrien says everything was going great until this morning. He said he was thinking about hitting the golf course, and his wife clearly said, ...
Post Date: 2020-07-24 07:14:10 by Deckard
Posted on July 24, 2020 by Dr. Eowyn | 1 Comment ~Eowyn
FAUCI Throws Out First Pitch of MLB Season — Ball Social Distances Itself Far Away from Home Plate
Post Date: 2020-07-24 02:31:52 by Deckard
A dopey and masked Dr. Fauci finally flattened the curve...and the fastball. But not the stinker sinker.
Unidentified Suspect Seen Defacing NYC Mural To Read 'Orange Lives Matter'
Post Date: 2020-07-13 22:39:09 by Deckard
NEW YORK, NYThe NYPD announced it is investigating the hate crime of a man who graffitied over the city's sanctioned graffiti, changing the previous Black Lives Matter slogan to read "ORANGE" Lives Matter. The unknown vandal snuck out to the street in the middle of the night and scrubbed the word "BLACK" off the mural, painting over it with the word "ORANGE.""Our suspect looks to be about 6'3", 243 pounds, with orange hair and matching skin," said an NYPD detective at a press conference this morning. "We don't know who this man could be, but if anyone has any information, please come forward. We were trying to own the ...
Genius Trump Wears Mask Causing Media To Question Effectiveness Of Masks
Post Date: 2020-07-13 22:25:11 by Deckard
BETHESDA, MDPresident Trump really is playing 11D Settlers of Catan while the rest of us are playing 2D Tiddlywinks. Wanting the nation to begin questioning the effectiveness of masks at stopping the spread of coronavirus, Trump put on a mask during a visit to a medical center, causing the media to investigate whether or not masks really work. Liberals everywhere were seen burning their masks and running around licking doorknobs to own Trump."Yes, masks seem to be effective at first blush, but do they really work?" said a CNN anchor. "The bad orange man is wearing a mask, so we have to wonder: do they really stop the coronavirus? What is it that he is hiding behind ...
Cartoons for the Age of Wokeness: Social Justice Warriors
Post Date: 2020-07-11 22:43:31 by Deckard
Old-fashioned cartoons are problematic. For example, Looney Tunes used to feature firearms in the hands of law-abiding citizens like Elmer Fudd, an obvious thought crime. Rather than try to shoehorn the old cartoons into the current political orthodoxy like HBO Max, why not just delete them, as is currently done with television programs that cast police officers in a favorable light? Everything that came before right this minute is probably racist. Kids should be watching new cartoons that comply with the times, like Social Justice Warriors: On a tip from Henry B.
Â‘He Should Wear CuffsÂ’: Netizens React to Dick CheneyÂ’s Advice on Wearing Masks
Post Date: 2020-06-27 16:39:09 by Deckard
Former Vice President of the United States Dick Cheney started trending on Twitter after his daughter Liz Cheney uploaded a photo of him wearing a mask. Liz Cheney, who is a GOP representative from Wyoming, captioned the post with the sentence: Dick Cheney says WEAR A MASK along with the hashtag #realmenwearmasks.Dick Cheney says WEAR A MASK. #realmenwearmasks pic.twitter.com/iBfVoa7ypL Liz Cheney (@Liz_Cheney) June 26, 2020 The Cheneys concern for the health of their compatriots backfired, however. The post received almost 13,000 comments, most of which were highly negative. First users spoke about the former vice presidents push for the invasion of ...
Breaking: Bubba Smollet Finds Burnt Cross in His Garage Stall
Post Date: 2020-06-24 22:45:17 by Deckard
What is it With Computer Interviewing?
Post Date: 2020-06-24 01:56:29 by Deckard
This grumpy Gen Xer, who grew up before computers insinuated themselves into everything even toothbrushes has a question for the younger set regarding something that happened or rather didnt the other day. Id like to get your thoughts. I got a request to do an interview but not via phone which is how Im used to doing them. It seems to me to be the best way to do them because what could be simpler than calling someone or them calling me? The phone rings, I pick it up and we converse. I like simple things over complicated things, especially when there doesnt appear to be any advantage to the complicated thing. ...
Democrats Admit They Get All Their Ideas From The Babylon Bee
Post Date: 2020-06-19 11:10:01 by IbJensen
WASHINGTON, D.C.At a press conference this morning, Democratic leaders were asked a question a lot of creatives are asked: "Where do you get your ideas?" "Oh, yeah, Babylon Bee, totally," said Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez. "We check The Babylon Bee every morning and get some great ideas for what we're going to do next week." One time, The Babylon Bee wrote an article where Ocasio-Cortez nearly strangled herself with her shoelaces. "I thought that one was really great -- it reminded me about bootstraps and shoelaces and how they contribute to a less equitable society. So I gave a fiery speech about it in Congress." John Kerry read a Babylon ...
Minneapolis Police will fine, cite looters
Post Date: 2020-05-31 23:36:00 by Deckard
After another night of rioting, Minneapolis police chief is warning protesters they will be cited and fined for violating social distancing mandates. The mayor was quoted as saying:It would be unjust to prosecute these disadvantaged youts for the rioting we are seeing - it is a direct response to years of systemic injustice. We would request that the protesters only attack symbols of "white privilege" and move the looting...er I mean taking merchandise from stores from the ghettos to the rich part of town. You know, because...reparations. We believe that by issuing social distancing citations, we can quell this minor disturbance. Several looters have praised the mayor for his ...
Bible Declares Churches Essential
Post Date: 2020-05-28 00:30:31 by Deckard
WORLDDefying numerous national, state, and local governments around the world, the Bible has continued to declare that churches are essential. A lot of people have decided that meeting together isn't really essential and that we can just do online church indefinitely. These people care about health and SCIENCE and don't want you to die. But hateful, anti-SCIENCE sources like the Scriptures continue to insist that churches are essential, even though many governments still want them closed.Among the problematic statements the Word of God has made are the following:"And I tell you, you are Peter, and on this rock I will build my church, and the gates of hell shall not ...
Scholars Claim Jesus Actually Told Lepers 'Stay Home, Save Lives'
Post Date: 2020-05-28 00:25:49 by Deckard
U.S.The Bible contains several accounts of Jesus dealing with lepers, but these historical narratives might not be telling us the full story, some scholars are now claiming. "Rather than healing and cleansing the lepers, it seems Jesus actually just gave them an air high five and said, 'Stay home, save lives' before moving on so as not to get infected," said Dr. Robert Belling, Dean of Doubt Formation at Yale Divinity School. "It was the smart thing to do. It's how Jesus loved His neighbor. And may we all live by His example by not ever going back to work again."One account comes from the newly discovered Gospel of Bob. According to ...
Hitler Reacts to Georgia Reopening Businesses
Post Date: 2020-05-26 23:06:13 by Deckard
Joe Biden announces “You Ain’t Black Enough” CRACKERS as fundraiser for his campaign
Post Date: 2020-05-24 20:01:22 by Deckard
Introducing You Aint Black Enough CRACKERS, part of the innovative Joe Biden re-election campaign that hopes to help Americans aspire to greatness by telling them how inferior they are. You Aint Black Enough crackers are made out of white flour, white salt, white pride and dementia, manufactured and packaged in Whitesplains, Virginia by the Joe Biden cracker family. Each of the hand-crafted crackers is emblazoned with the likeness of Joe Bidens face, grinning ear to ear as if he just finished fondling a seven-year-old girl. The crackers are toasted to a slightly off-white hue, but not too black, just as Joe Biden likes them. #YouAintBlack The ...
Post Date: 2020-05-22 03:35:56 by Deckard
Latest [Newer] 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 [Older]