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Humor
See other Humor Articles

Title: New Definitons
Source: E-Mail
URL Source: http://N/A
Published: Apr 12, 2011
Author: None
Post Date: 2011-04-12 19:36:31 by CZ82
Keywords: None
Views: 98548
Comments: 143

The Washington Post's Mensa Invitational once again invited readers to take any word from the dictionary, alter it by adding, subtracting, or changing one letter, and supply a new definition.

Here are the winners:

1. Cashtration (n.): The act of buying a house, which renders the subject

financially impotent for an indefinite period of time.

2. Ignoranus : A person who's both stupid and an asshole.

3. Intaxicaton : Euphoria at getting a tax refund, which lasts until you

realize it was your money to start with.

4. Reintarnation : Coming back to life as a hillbilly.

5. Bozone ( n.): The substance surrounding stupid people that stops bright

ideas from penetrating. The bozone layer, unfortunately, shows little sign

of breaking down in the near future.

6. Foreploy : Any misrepresentation about yourself for the purpose of

getting laid..

7. Giraffiti : Vandalism spray-painted very, very high

8. Sarchasm : The gulf between the author of sarcastic wit and the person

who doesn't get it.

9. Inoculatte : To take coffee intravenously when you are running late.

10. Osteopornosis : A degenerate disease. (This one got extra credit.)

11. Karmageddon : It's like, when everybody is sending off all these

really bad vibes, right? And then, like, the Earth explodes and it's like, a

serious bummer.

12. Decafalon (n.): The grueling event of getting through the day

consuming only things that are good for you.

13. Glibido : All talk and no action.

14. Dopeler Effect : The tendency of stupid ideas to seem smarter when they

come at you rapidly.

15. Arachnoleptic Fit (n.): The frantic dance performed just after you've

accidentally walked through a spider web.

16. Beelzebug (n.): Satan in the form of a mosquito, that gets into your

bedroom at three in the morning and cannot be cast out.

17. Caterpallor ( n.): The color you turn after finding half a worm in the

fruit you're eating.

The Washington Post has also published the winning submissions to its yearly

contest, in which readers are asked to supply alternate meanings for common

words.

And the winners are:

1. Coffee , n. The person upon whom one coughs.

2. Flabbergasted , adj. Appalled by discovering how much weight one has

gained.

3. Abdicate , v. To give up all hope of ever having a flat stomach.

4. Esplanade , v. To attempt an explanation while drunk.

5. Willy-nilly , adj. Impotent.

6. Negligent , adj. Absentmindedly answering the door when wearing only a

nightgown.

7. Lymph , v. To walk with a lisp.

8. Gargoyle , n. Olive-flavored mouthwash.

9. Flatulence , n. Emergency vehicle that picks up someone who has been run

over by a steamroller.

10. Balderdash , n. A rapidly receding hairline.

11. Testicle , n. A humorous question on an exam.

12. Rectitude , n. The formal, dignified bearing adopted by proctologists.

13. Pokemon , n. A Rastafarian proctologist.

14. Oyster , n. A person who sprinkles his conversation with Yiddishisms.

15. Frisbeetarianism , n. The belief that, after death, the soul flies up

onto the roof and gets stuck there.

16. Circumvent , n. An opening in the front of boxer shorts worn by Jewish

men


Poster Comment:

5. Bozone ( n.): The substance surrounding stupid people that stops bright

ideas from penetrating. The bozone layer, unfortunately, shows little sign

of breaking down in the near future.

Isn't this where the Liberals live?????

Post Comment   Private Reply   Ignore Thread  


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#50. To: Wood_Chopper, diva betsy ross, Liberator, war, Bill D Berger, Ferret Mike (#13)

Take a look at yukon's post in #1 of this thread. It actually belongs with another thread, not this one.

Who is it addressed to, chippy? What is it in regard to, chippy? What was Stone's last post on the thread he locked? You and your ilk aren't very bright. You are too stupid to be embarrassed. So gullible to be suckered and not man enough to admit it.

yukon  posted on  2011-04-13   14:09:53 ET  Reply   Trace   Private Reply  


#51. To: Rudgear, Wood_Chopper, Liberator, A K A Stone (#14)

For what its worth, I think

There is little proof of that, rudy.

yukon  posted on  2011-04-13   14:14:39 ET  Reply   Trace   Private Reply  


#52. To: Wood_Chopper, diva betsy ross, Liberator, war, Bill D Berger, Ferret Mike, *Yukon neo-Progressive Vermin* (#13)

Take a look at yukon's post in #1 of this thread. It actually belongs with another thread, not this one.

yukon is obsessed with the cover-up CT "hacked" story. Few are buying the BS but he persists in pushing his CT, by hijacking any thread.

He/she/it is a CT freak!


"We (government) need to do a lot less, a lot sooner" ~Ron Paul

I recall a re-run of MASH I saw where this uber right winger named Colonel Flagg...
Godwinson posted on 2011-02-23 11:47:32 ET
http://libertysflame.com/cgi-bin/readart.cgi?ArtNum=18011&Disp=46#C46

Hondo68  posted on  2011-04-13   14:16:39 ET  Reply   Trace   Private Reply  


#53. To: diva betsy ross (#49)

Of course highly intelligent people, such as myself, see the irony in your comments about my grammar and IQ- on this thread.

Well...it is Wednesday which, besides being Prince Spaghetti day, is the day we all do our washing and irony.

Thanks for another opportunity to laugh at your misplaced bravado. lol..

Maybe I should have homeschooled my bravado and I wouldn't have misplaced him as much, the scamp!!!

But laughing at him is quite cruel of you. You have such a black heart, Bitsy!!!!

I communicate and express myself exactly as I want to- and it is always appropriate to the situation.

Hoo boy the self-editing I just engaged in!!!

Of course YOU don't understand that either, because you do not have multiple inteigences.

Um...if "inteigences" means what I think it means then you are correct...those tantra lessons were a real rip-off!!!

When I want to write a college term paper- I will rock one out and follow every rule. I will pull out my Kate Turabian workbook ,and cross every t.

I use the Concise English Handbook.

It's concise. Something you should try.

It sucks to be you, war.

I'll just note the irony that you stated that as I'm reading YOUR post and leave it at that.

Stuck in your little box

I actually have my own desk. I had an office when I worked for Sanwa. It was nice!!!

- stuck on mono focus-

I have no idea what that means...

obsessed with oral sex jokes for titillation,

Okay...I call bullshit...I take blow jobs quite seriously.

and jumping on my posts- rubbing yourself up against my words and fantasizing about me.

I've just alerted Masters & Johnson; I'm stuck in what can only be described as the Vortex of the Negative Arousal Threshold.

America...My Kind Of Place...

war  posted on  2011-04-13   14:33:19 ET  Reply   Trace   Private Reply  


#54. To: hondo68 (#52)

The poster's story , of being hacked, is simply not logical.

diva betsy ross  posted on  2011-04-13   14:35:49 ET  Reply   Trace   Private Reply  


#55. To: yukon (#50)

Don't PING me until you address the question about whether or not you are/were Ibluafartsky.

Thanks.

America...My Kind Of Place...

war  posted on  2011-04-13   14:37:59 ET  Reply   Trace   Private Reply  


#56. To: diva betsy ross (#54)

No, it isn't. I pointed it out to him several days ago and all I got back was the usual predictable refusal to answer and another attempt on his part to derail the discussion by accusing me and others of doing what he and his coterie do as a matter of course.

The whole thing is a coordinated attempt to shut down discussion the two statist political parties don't want discussed. Increasingly with the board owner's approval. Interesting, n'est ce pas?

Actually, I feel sorry for you, yu-klown. Growing up with Sally as a mother would probably turn anyone queer.

Rudgear  posted on  2011-04-13   15:01:49 ET  Reply   Trace   Private Reply  


#57. To: war, Biff Tannen, Fred Mertz, Skip Intro, Badeye, Tater, A K A Stone (#53)

Okay...I call bullshit...I take blow jobs quite seriously.

Okay. That gets you nominated to the Biff Tannen, Fred Mertz, Skip Intro time out exemption society (TOES).

Anytime I laugh hard enough to set the dogs howling is a damn fine one-liner.

Seriously though, just ignore her; I've given up worrying about her mental condition. She is just too bat-shit nuts to ever recover.

harrowup  posted on  2011-04-13   15:09:26 ET  Reply   Trace   Private Reply  


#58. To: hondo68, Wood_Chopper, diva betsy ross, Liberator, war, Bill D Berger, Ferret Mike (#52)

You're obsessd, a CT freak, sucker and not man enough to admit you were duped, coward. LOLAYDA!

yukon  posted on  2011-04-13   15:19:56 ET  Reply   Trace   Private Reply  


#59. To: diva betsy ross (#49)

Of course highly intelligent people, such as myself,

You never answered my question.....why do you align yourself with and support foul-mouthed, gullible, suckers, faux Christian?

yukon  posted on  2011-04-13   15:23:22 ET  Reply   Trace   Private Reply  


#60. To: war, A K A Stone (#55)

Don't PING me

I'll ping whoever in the hell I see fit to ping. Why don't you inquire of the site owner, A K A Stone?

yukon  posted on  2011-04-13   15:25:24 ET  Reply   Trace   Private Reply  


#61. To: harrowup (#57)

Seriously though, just ignore her;

And pass up the chance to shut her up?

Never...never in hell...

She is just too bat-shit nuts to ever recover.

Skip nailed it...Boofer's sister...

America...My Kind Of Place...

war  posted on  2011-04-13   15:32:51 ET  Reply   Trace   Private Reply  


#62. To: diva betsy ross, All (#59)

You never answered my question.....why do you align yourself with and support foul-mouthed, gullible, suckers, faux Christian?

Too ashamed or embarrassed to reply, faux Christian.

yukon  posted on  2011-04-13   15:35:52 ET  Reply   Trace   Private Reply  


#63. To: war (#61)

I like her. She's just like an aunt I have on my Mom's side. When that woman comes into a room, she makes it interesting; if you find mischief and controlled chaos interesting. ;-D

Ferret Mike  posted on  2011-04-13   15:44:21 ET  Reply   Trace   Private Reply  


#64. To: yukon (#62)

Answer my question; when you blow a fartski, does it have a brassy sound to it like a tuba gone wrong? Or is like the dying breath of an old man as if many long blunt human appendages have spent a lot of time stretching and working the orifice in question?

Just curious, mind you.

Ferret Mike  posted on  2011-04-13   15:46:38 ET  Reply   Trace   Private Reply  


#65. To: Ferret Mike (#64)

Just curious, mind you.

Not surprised at all at WHAT you are curious about, mustelid. You and your ilk are all queer.

yukon  posted on  2011-04-13   15:49:56 ET  Reply   Trace   Private Reply  


#66. To: Ferret Mike (#63)

Bitsy referred to me once as Satan's spawn.

My mother is a goddammed Saint.

America...My Kind Of Place...

war  posted on  2011-04-13   15:50:44 ET  Reply   Trace   Private Reply  


#67. To: war (#66)

Why worry? Everyone knows Satan uses condoms and this can't be true.

I mean, look at the quality of people who go.... down there?

Even a devil of a person knows when, where and how to stick it to that crowd.

Note to A K A: (Just talking in metaphor, Stone; even us non-Christians use it) ;-D

Ferret Mike  posted on  2011-04-13   15:53:55 ET  Reply   Trace   Private Reply  


#68. To: diva betsy ross, All (#62)

((((((CRICKETS))))))

yukon  posted on  2011-04-13   16:02:16 ET  Reply   Trace   Private Reply  


#69. To: Ferret Mike (#67)

Why worry? Everyone knows Satan uses condoms and this can't be true.

{;^D

America...My Kind Of Place...

war  posted on  2011-04-13   16:05:45 ET  Reply   Trace   Private Reply  


#70. To: diva betsy ross, buckerooAll (#62)

For a self-proclaimed highly intellectual person, it sure takes you an inordinate amount of time to formulate an answer. What's your problem DBR, are you a psycho just like buckeroo?

Actually, I feel sorry for you, Rudgear. Being hatched on a fencepost would probably make anyone a retarded POS!.

yukon  posted on  2011-04-13   16:59:06 ET  Reply   Trace   Private Reply  


#71. To: CZ82 (#0)

4. Reintarnation : Coming back to life as a hillbilly.

LOL! These are great! Every single one of them.

Zesta  posted on  2011-04-13   18:12:55 ET  Reply   Trace   Private Reply  


#72. To: diva betsy ross (#10)

You see these posters all line up together and ping each other, and bring their games over here, from over there.

Why is it that no one here actually comments on the contents of the thread? Everyone seems so busy infighting. Seems like a couple of participants know only a few words or acronyms (primarily extensions of LOL). Maybe this humorous piece will increase their vocabularies.

Zesta  posted on  2011-04-13   18:18:45 ET  Reply   Trace   Private Reply  


#73. To: diva betsy ross, All (#70)

For a self-proclaimed highly intellectual person, it sure takes you an inordinate amount of time to formulate an answer. What's your problem DBR, are you a psycho?

Actually, I feel sorry for you, Rudgear. Being hatched on a fencepost would probably make anyone a retarded POS!.

yukon  posted on  2011-04-13   18:21:09 ET  Reply   Trace   Private Reply  


#74. To: yukon (#50)

You and your ilk aren't very bright. You are too stupid to be embarrassed. So gullible to be suckered and not man enough to admit it.

The vast majority are NOT buying your "I wuz haCked" FAIRY tale, and are getting quite a kick out of watching you squirm through your various attempts to vilify anyone not buying it.

Makes ya mad enough to want to scratch their eyes out, doesn't it, twink.

And the sheep will bleat their submission,
Seeing the others as fools,
Not knowing nor even caring,
They've become no more than tools.

Burma Shave.

Wood_Chopper  posted on  2011-04-13   22:32:18 ET  Reply   Trace   Private Reply  


#75. To: Wood_Chopper (#74)

The vast majority

ROTFLOLAY! Have you been contracting CNN for polling? Let's see the results, dipwad! I point at and laugh at you easily duped morons.

You and your ilk aren't very bright. You are too stupid to be embarrassed. So gullible to be suckered and not man enough to admit it

Actually, I feel sorry for you, Rudgear. Being hatched on a fencepost would probably make anyone a retarded POS!.

yukon  posted on  2011-04-13   22:37:12 ET  Reply   Trace   Private Reply  


#76. To: CZ82 (#0) (Edited)

The Washington Post's Mensa Invitational once again invited readers to take any word from the dictionary, alter it by adding, subtracting, or changing one letter, and supply a new definition.

yucon,v. attempt to bullshit someone. example: "He yuconed everyone, but they laughed in his face."

And the sheep will bleat their submission,
Seeing the others as fools,
Not knowing nor even caring,
They've become no more than tools.

Burma Shave.

Wood_Chopper  posted on  2011-04-13   22:49:08 ET  Reply   Trace   Private Reply  


#77. To: Zesta (#72)

Welcome to the site Zesta. Hopefully the "fag wars" will end soon.

A K A Stone  posted on  2011-04-13   23:33:04 ET  Reply   Trace   Private Reply  


#78. To: Zesta (#72)

lol ... ROTFLAMO ...

Welcome ...

Oh, I feel certain your "humorous piece will increase vocabularies" here on LF.

I feel certain we will learn a great deal from you.

OriginalGatlin  posted on  2011-04-13   23:41:34 ET  Reply   Trace   Private Reply  


#79. To: Wood_Chopper (#74)

The vast majority

You've yet to post any names, gasbag diva!

Actually, I feel sorry for you, Rudgear. Being hatched on a fencepost would probably make anyone a retarded POS!.

yukon  posted on  2011-04-13   23:46:04 ET  Reply   Trace   Private Reply  


#80. To: yukon (#79)

see post #76.

And the sheep will bleat their submission,
Seeing the others as fools,
Not knowing nor even caring,
They've become no more than tools.

Burma Shave.

Wood_Chopper  posted on  2011-04-13   23:47:25 ET  Reply   Trace   Private Reply  


#81. To: Wood_Chopper (#80)

see post #76.

You've yet to post any names, COWARDLY gasbag diva!

Actually, I feel sorry for you, Rudgear. Being hatched on a fencepost would probably make anyone a retarded POS!.

yukon  posted on  2011-04-13   23:48:59 ET  Reply   Trace   Private Reply  


#82. To: yukon (#81)

You truly are a MASTER baiter.

And the sheep will bleat their submission,
Seeing the others as fools,
Not knowing nor even caring,
They've become no more than tools.

Burma Shave.

Wood_Chopper  posted on  2011-04-13   23:50:27 ET  Reply   Trace   Private Reply  


#83. To: yukon (#81)

It's readily apparent you're in over your head.

Maybe you ought to back-channel your butt-buddies for help.

Bring em!

And the sheep will bleat their submission,
Seeing the others as fools,
Not knowing nor even caring,
They've become no more than tools.

Burma Shave.

Wood_Chopper  posted on  2011-04-13   23:52:43 ET  Reply   Trace   Private Reply  


#84. To: Wood_Chopper (#82)

MASTER baiter.

Is that your twin, COWARDLY gasbag diva?

Actually, I feel sorry for you, Rudgear. Being hatched on a fencepost would probably make anyone a retarded POS!.

yukon  posted on  2011-04-14   0:23:10 ET  Reply   Trace   Private Reply  


#85. To: Wood_Chopper (#83)

It's readily apparent you're in over your head.

You've yet to post any names, COWARDLY gasbag diva!

Actually, I feel sorry for you, Rudgear. Being hatched on a fencepost would probably make anyone a retarded POS!.

yukon  posted on  2011-04-14   0:23:52 ET  Reply   Trace   Private Reply  


#86. To: yukon (#85)

Bet you're pissed enough to scratch someones' eyes out!

And the sheep will bleat their submission,
Seeing the others as fools,
Not knowing nor even caring,
They've become no more than tools.

Burma Shave.

Wood_Chopper  posted on  2011-04-14   0:26:28 ET  Reply   Trace   Private Reply  


#87. To: Wood_Chopper (#86)

I point at and laugh at you, COWARDLY gasbag diva! LOLAYDA!

Actually, I feel sorry for you, Rudgear. Being hatched on a fencepost would probably make anyone a retarded POS!.

yukon  posted on  2011-04-14   0:30:16 ET  Reply   Trace   Private Reply  


#88. To: yukon (#87)

I point at and laugh at you, COWARDLY gasbag diva! LOLAYDA!

And most likely you're skipping while you're doing it, with the non-pointing arm flapping in the air, elbow tucked neatly into your side.

And the sheep will bleat their submission,
Seeing the others as fools,
Not knowing nor even caring,
They've become no more than tools.

Burma Shave.

Wood_Chopper  posted on  2011-04-14   0:36:40 ET  Reply   Trace   Private Reply  


#89. To: Wood_Chopper (#88)

And most likely you're skipping while you're doing it

Drinking a Guinness Draught and laughing as I make you dance by remote, little marionette.

Actually, I feel sorry for you, Rudgear. Being hatched on a fencepost would probably make anyone a retarded POS!.

yukon  posted on  2011-04-14   0:41:04 ET  Reply   Trace   Private Reply  


#90. To: yukon (#89)

Drinking a Guinness Draught and laughing as I make you dance by remote, little marionette.

It is fun to watch you make him dance ...

OriginalGatlin  posted on  2011-04-14   0:45:01 ET  Reply   Trace   Private Reply  



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