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Latest Articles: Humor
It Snowed Last Night and I made a snowman.
Post Date: 2019-12-03 10:06:30 by IbJensen
3 Comments
8:00 I finished making a snowman. 8:10 – A feminist passed by and asked me why I didn’t make a snow woman. 8:15 – So, I made a snow woman. 8:17 – My feminist neighbor complained about the snow woman’s voluptuous chest saying it objectified snow women everywhere. 8:20 – The gay couple living nearby threw a hissy fit and moaned it could have been two snow men instead. 8:22 – The transgender man..woman…person asked why I didn’t just make one snow person with detachable parts. 8:25 – The vegans at the end of the lane complained about the carrot nose, as veggies are food and not to decorate snow figures with. 8:28 – I was being ...
Unusual Letters To Dear Abby
Post Date: 2019-12-01 09:49:31 by IbJensen
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Dear Abby - Fact is stranger than truth DEAR ABBY ADMITTED SHE WAS AT A LOSS AS HOW TO ANSWER THE FOLLOWING QUESTIONS: (You can't make up this stuff) Dear Abby, A couple of women moved in across the hall from me. One is a middle-aged gym teacher and the other is a social worker in her mid-twenties. These two women go everywhere together, and I've never seen a man go into or leave their apartment. Do you think they could be Lebanese? Dear Abby, What can I do about all the Sex, Nudity, Fowl Language and Violence on my VCR? Dear Abby, I am a twenty-three year old liberated woman who has been on the pill for two years. It's getting expensive and I ...
Nation's Progressives Give Thanks That They Have So Much To Be Angry About This Year
Post Date: 2019-11-28 13:12:38 by CZ82
1 Comments
Nation's Progressives Give Thanks That They Have So Much To Be Angry About This Year November 26th, 2019 U.S.—In honor of Thanksgiving week, the nation's progressives have begun to give thanks that they have so much to be angry and offended about this year. "Thank you, unspecified deity who may or may not exist, for giving us so much stuff to be outraged about," said Staci Walder, 42, of Portland, as she prepared her vegan, kale-wrapped turkey. "I'm truly humbled that you've blessed me with the Trump presidency, the patriarchy, the laws of economics, and biological facts to rage against." "Every year, it's important to pause and ...
Joe Biden says we need to ‘keep punching’ at domestic violence
Post Date: 2019-11-21 16:12:23 by Deckard
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screen capture Joe Biden really put his fist in his mouth this time. The former vice president had a cringe-worthy moment late in Wednesday’s fifth Democratic presidential primary debate when he used the words “keep punching at it” to answer a question about violence against women. Asked what could be done to address sexual violence and harassment against women, Biden said he authored the original Violence Against Women Act and that its reauthorization needs to pass. He also talked about changing the culture on college campuses and touted the “It’s on Us” movement created in the Obama administration. “No man has a right to raise a hand to a woman in anger, ...
Can This Teenager Use a Rotary Phone?
Post Date: 2019-11-19 22:05:51 by Deckard
2 Comments
The internet has made so many things obsolete, like maps, phone books, and rotary phones. Ellen was curious to see how young people would function without the world wide web, so she challenged a 17-year-old to use all three... creating hilarious results.
Greta Thunberg Doppelganger in Old Photo Sparks Time Travel Speculation
Post Date: 2019-11-19 21:38:55 by Deckard
1 Comments
November 19, 2019 By Tim Binnall An 1898 photo of some children working at a gold mine in Canada's Yukon territory has gone viral due to one of the youngster's stunning resemblance to teenage climate change activist Greta Thunberg. The spooky image popped up online over the weekend after someone discovered it in the University of Washington archives. The photo quickly went viral with many imaginative individuals suggesting that it was proof that Thunberg was a time traveler, while others argued that it was merely a clever fake. Regarding the latter theory, it would appear that the image is a genuine photograph and not the product of Photoshop. According to the University ...
Seriously, just a joke
Post Date: 2019-11-19 16:36:23 by Deckard
1 Comments
A driver was stuck in a traffic jam on the highway outside Washington, DC Nothing was moving. Suddenly, a man knocks on the window. The driver rolls down the window and asks, “What’s going on?” “Terrorists have kidnapped the entire US Congress, and they’re asking for a $100 million dollar ransom. Otherwise, they are going to douse them all in gasoline and set them on fire. We are going from car to car, collecting donations.” “How much is everyone giving, on an average?” the driver asks. The man replies, “Roughly a gallon.”
7 employees were terminated:’ Vicious brawl at Milwaukee Popeyes caught on cellphone video
Post Date: 2019-11-16 15:55:44 by Stoner
6 Comments
MILWAUKEE -- Outrageous cellphone video from inside a Milwaukee Popeyes restaurant shows a group of employees getting into a vicious brawl. This all went down while customers were inside. The violent encounter happened at the Popeyes near 76th and Good Hope Road around 9:30 p.m. on Wednesday, Nov. 13. Richard Fourté Richard Fourté wanted to avoid the drive-thru line -- and went inside. "I said to myself, I said, 'Wow, there's a lot of people working here,"' Fourté said. Soon it went from calm to chaos inside the restaurant. "I heard one of them yell, 'It's a fight," Fourté said. "They ran to the back by the ...
Humor
Post Date: 2019-11-14 17:36:53 by Deckard
1 Comments
New Law Requires You To Listen To Greta Thunberg Lecture Before Purchasing Gasoline
Post Date: 2019-10-18 12:56:16 by Deckard
2 Comments
U.S.—A series of new bills working their way through state legislatures in New York, California, Oregon, Hawaii, and several other progressive states will require you to listen to a Greta Thunberg lecture before purchasing gasoline. Motorists will be required to watch a 20-minute lecture by the 16-year-old climate activist before they purchase gallons and gallons of harmful fossil fuels."We want to make sure drivers are informed," said California Governor Gavin Newsom, who says he will sign the bill into law. "So we are having them get lectured by a 16-year-old so they will have all the facts before they do something rash like put gasoline in their cars to go to ...
Pope Announces Any Time Spent Watching 'The View' Counts As Time Served In Purgatory
Post Date: 2019-10-18 12:42:41 by Deckard
11 Comments
VATICAN CITY—Pope Francis has made one of his official, Popey announcements. (For our Protestant audience, a declaration from the pope is kinda like when Russell Moore tweets something; it carries a lot of weight for Catholics.) Anyway, the pope declared that any time you've spent watching The View in this life will count as time served in purgatory."Frankly, if you watch those women bickering, that's punishment enough," said Pope Francis in a speech. He declared that your time will be tallied up by the angels, who will then mark that off as though you'd spent the time in purgatory.The pope said the exchange rate for time is about 1 hour of The ...
DNC Town Hall - SNL
Post Date: 2019-09-30 11:48:08 by Tooconservative
2 Comments
Poster Comment:Harrelson's Biden was weak, just not good casting. And not good for Dems either since Harrelson is a younger and far more vital man than Biden, highlighting Biden's age and frailty in any comparison. Harrelson looks like what Americans want to see in a president: experience along with vitality and force of will. The real Biden will suffers by comparison. Some decent jokes in it, a rarity in modern SNL fare.
Guy calls 9/11 over “Rabid dog” in his house
Post Date: 2019-09-27 11:03:03 by Tooconservative
12 Comments
Near-Dead Battery in Fremont Police Tesla Forces Officer Off Pursuit
Post Date: 2019-09-27 05:56:10 by Deckard
1 Comments
KPIX FREMONT (CBS SF) – A Tesla electric patrol car by the Fremont Police ran low on electricity in the middle of a pursuit, after the department said someone forgot to plug the vehicle into a charger. According to officials, the officer was pursuing a vehicle headed down to the South Bay when the car began to run low on battery power. “Just slowed down to six miles of battery on the Tesla, so I may lose it here in a sec,” the officer said, according to police radio transmissions. “If someone else is able, can they maneuver into the number one spot?” Other units took over the pursuit. Police said the chase was called off when it became unsafe, and the suspect ...
SHREK IS BREAKING THIS DOG OBSTACLE COURSE RECORD!!
Post Date: 2019-09-26 18:12:15 by Liberator
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Dog handler's Chihuahua called in sick. Shrek stepped up for an impressive performance. The AKC Powers That Be allowed the substitute. Announcer Bob Menery sounds a lot like Bob Uecker.
Pigeon poops on state lawmaker as he gives TV interview about pigeon poop problem
Post Date: 2019-09-20 10:31:24 by Deckard
3 Comments
Rep. Jaime Andrade (D-Chicago) was giving a TV interview about the pigeon poop problem at a train station when a pigeon promptly illustrate the lawmaker’s point. “I’ll just have to go clean up,” Andrade said. “That’s what happens to my constituents. They get [expletive] on all time.”
Say That Again, I WILL Kick Your Ass
Post Date: 2019-09-19 05:38:39 by Deckard
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NEW YORK—I don’t mind it when you lie to me with marketing terms or puff me up with overblown predictions—I’m in show business, that’s what we do—but stop using these words that are designed to disguise what you’re really doing to me. If you really wanna piss me off, use any of the following ten terms: (1) “That would be a hard no, Joe Bob.” (Variation: “That’s a nonstarter, Joe Bob.”) (Second variation: “That won’t fly at any level, Joe Bob.”) This is the equivalent of a 7-year-old on the elementary school playground who runs out of arguments and says, “I don’t care what you say! I’m not changing my ...
EVERYBODY FOR PRESIDENT!
Post Date: 2019-09-18 07:13:07 by Deckard
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-- Well, at least everybody who feels ready for the responsibility of self-goverment. Those who still need a Big Daddy or a Big Momma to discipline and dominate them should vote for whatever furhrer or saviour they like best. If you want self-government don't vote for the Two Lying Bastards of the Democan and Republicrat parties..... or for any minority party that also wants to govern you....WRITE IN YOUR OWN NAME**The GADP does not endorse any candidate claiming to run as the official GADP candidate. There is no official GADP candidate, except perhaps occasionally when Olga inexplicably decides to campaign for President of Multiverse. Despite the impressive detailed descriptions of ...
Are Comedians Finally Fighting Back Against the Far Left’s Cultural Clampdown?
Post Date: 2019-09-15 15:16:32 by Tooconservative
7 Comments
Are comedians fighting back against the cultural Marxism of the critics? So-called political correctness — which, oddly enough, is a line of ideological adherence which is neither political nor correct — has appeared to be clamping down on the comic stage for quite a while. But there’s recent evidence to suggest those at the mic are trying to break free. Buzzfeed recently scolded Dave Chappelle for “truly vile” jokes about transgender people, Michael Jackson, and the #MeToo movement in his Netflix special Sticks and Stones. Vice told folks to “skip” the performance, and Vanity Fair called the act “stale.” Surely some on the far Left were also ...
Orange County deputy accidentally shoots himself while training
Post Date: 2019-09-13 06:09:32 by Deckard
12 Comments
ORANGE COUNTY, Fla. - An Orange County Sheriff's Office patrol corporal wounded himself Wednesday when he accidentally fired his weapon during a training exercise, officials said. Sheriff John Mina said the deputy was at a department training facility on Wewahootee Road around 10:30 a.m. when he accidentally shot himself. "The deputies on the scene and the firefighters who responded provided excellent care based on their training," Mina said. "We were able to stop the bleeding right away and get him transported here to Orlando Health." Mina said the deputy was awake and alert after the incident. He said the Sheriff's Office employee has ...
Least Masculine Society In Human History Decides Masculinity Is A Growing Threat
Post Date: 2019-09-11 08:31:03 by Deckard
3 Comments
Babylon Bee [Satire] U.S.—As society becomes increasingly dominated by nerds, hipsters, and computer programmers, people have fixated on what they think is our biggest problem: masculinity. “It’s just toxic and causes nothing but problems,” said Elisha Mcewen, a vegan activist and no threat whatsoever to spiders or tight jar lids. “I was sharing my feelings on masculinity with other men in my drum circle, and we all agreed that if we ever encountered masculinity, we would run far away.” Masculinity is said to have in the past been the cause of such things as violence, war, bullying, defeating the Nazis, carving society out of untamed wilderness, and ...
Ron White: California Cops
Post Date: 2019-08-25 11:07:22 by Deckard
3 Comments
If There Wasn't any Government...
Post Date: 2019-08-24 12:13:25 by Deckard
0 Comments
San Francisco Changes Term 'Convicted Felons' To More Politically Correct 'Elected Officials'
Post Date: 2019-08-23 11:50:45 by nolu chan
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San Francisco Changes Term 'Convicted Felons' To More Politically Correct 'Elected Officials' August 22nd, 2019 SAN FRANCISCO, CA—In a move to make sure criminals are treated fairly, San Francisco has instituted a policy of referring to "convicted felons" by the much more politically correct term "elected officials." "These convicted felons are finding it harder to advance to higher political office when we keep bringing up their criminal activities," said San Francisco Mayor London Breed. "We must ensure they get a fair shake at ruining even more people's lives when they run for Congress, Senate, or the White House." The ...
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